How to NOT tell a therapist about your pedophilia

Hey, it's been awhile since I posted here. Since the start of the summer, I essentially decided to actively ignore the fact that I was a pedophile and make an effort to not label myself as one, and for awhile, it seemed to actually improve my quality of living ever so slightly. Not surprisingly though, these thoughts are still here, and they still haunt me every now and then.

Anyway, things haven't been going well for me lately. I've been having constant fantasies about suicide. It doesn't take much to get me in that frame of mind either, it's like it's always just right there under the surface of whatever emotion I'm feeling, and the slightest nudge will trigger it. It's even gotten to the point that I have a plan of how I'm going to bribe my friend with $1000 to let me borrow his gun, no questions asked. This is not good. I hate feeling like this. I also know that these suicidal thoughts aren't completely caused by my pedophilia (even though that does play a huge role in it). I seriously need professional help as this is starting to get out of hand.

But, related to my question; I really want and NEED therapy. I know I do, everyone I've talked to says "you need to get help" and I've known that for a long time. The only problem is I'm terrified to get help as I can NOT tell my therapist about my feelings towards children as it would destroy my future. My pedophilia is such a huge part of why I'm feeling like this and I don't know how I could possibly hide it from my therapist, while at the same time ACTUALLY getting help for my issues. To the people that have gone to therapy, how is it that you're able to hide this part of yourself? Do you feel that the sessions are still helpful even though you're not fully opening up about this side of yourself? Or if you have told your therapist, I'd like to hear how that went as well. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Would it actually destroy your future because of children being a part of that? I don't think that you can get in trouble if your therapist knows about your attractions and that you are around children. I'm not sure of the specific rules though. If you are scared of being reported then I'm pretty sure that they won't report you unless you share a want to hurt children or pose a danger to a specific child. Telling them about your attractions and your want to deal with the issues that come with it shouldn't get you in trouble.

If you live in America, don't tell your therapist. Therapy for pedophiles in America is simply entrapment masquerading around as "treatment." In point of fact, it is more forensic than therapeutic. They are trained to think we can't change, and to view the matter moralistically, rather than psychologically. It is the one glaring anomaly in psychology today, wherein they view us more as abhorrent than aberrant. Such "treatment" is just a rip off of religion, as it fuses reconstituted fundamentalism with secular psychology, in a strange amalgam (a chimera, more accurately) derivative of America's peculiar brand of civil religion. The U.S. has a nasty puritanical strain, which runs straight down the middle of its SO "treatment" program, conjoining secular and "sacred," in a manner that more closely resembles an interrogation session reminiscent of the inquisition than a genuine therapy session.

As I am nowhere as literate as the poster before me, and I've only posted once before I'd like to still push you towards some form of counseling. Find a therapist that you could be open with only after a few sessions. Get to know him or her. Build trust between you two.

If you haven't committed any crimes, there's nothing they can do to you. If you disclose previous incidents that have occurred, by law, they have to report it. But find out more from the therapist. If you don't use names, places or specifics, again, I don't know what they can do to you.

I've been in SSOSA on the outside, SOTP (Sexual Offender Treatment Program) both in prison and a year afterwards and I'm currently seeing a mental health specialist as well. They all seemed to agree that if you don't tell of the specifics, they can't 'turn you in' for anything.

Regarding the depression/suicidal thoughts... Start there. Explain that some matters you don't feel comfortable disclosing. Most therapists do want to help. Or look for a group atmosphere in a SOTP program.

Good luck... This is still the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.

spott1207 wrote:If you haven't committed any crimes, there's nothing they can do to you.

While I've not looked at the regulations myself, I'm pretty sure this is not a true statement, based on what 99% of the other people here have stated. It seems you can be reported if the therapist FEELS you might be a danger to children, and considering the widespread hysteria that the word "pedophile" brings with it, you never know exactly how a therapist will "feel" when you tell them you are feeling distraught due in no small part to your pedophilia. It could easily trigger all sorts of bells and whistles in their head and they could report you "just in case".

We've seen it from the rare visits by therapists that come to this forum that they still have a lot of misconceptions about what pedophiles think and feel (and I wouldn't doubt there are still many that don't see a difference between a pedophile and a child molester).

Just... be careful if you decide to tell a therapist. If it was me, I'd probably start off with some hypothetical or say how I was worried about "my friend". I'd feel much safer telling a therapist about "my friend" than about me.

I don't have any paraphilias. But I do have a therapist. And I've never mentioned sex of any kind whatsoever to them. There's been plenty else to talk about. So it is possible. And still has value.

It's good to talk about reporting boundaries early on. It's not going to help if you get a T who reports every time you have a suicidal thought. And "if you might be a danger to yourself" is as valid as "might be a danger to another." Most therapists know that such thoughts are not grounds for a big freak out. But good to check explicitly.

Once you've got to know your therapist. You might have more of a feel for whether they're sticking to the boundaries they initially described. But another option is to test the water. By asking what they'd do if a client talked about unusual sexual issues. And whether they can give you some totally anonymous examples of how they've dealt with such things. It's still not a guarantee. Especially if you are around children in a way that might send up red flags to them. But they've got to know you too at this point. [At least a few months in.] Which means you have a better chance of them listening like they're meant to. And not panicking.