Regret of not having been "sexually abused"/ Am I insane ?

I used to think the same thing.....at about 13/14, then too old to be attractive to pedophiles I would fantasize about being kidnapped when younger and subjected to rape and murder (inspired by the fears of mother) but instead I thought about befriending these monsters and giving them what they wanted...me and with that I would get what I wanted- attention and more importantly affection and all it would cost was my already broken mind and body.

Hello everybody. Thank you for answering.

sprooglestrewft : Oh I mean both penetration and shall I write "cuddles". I read accounts about little girls having sexual pleasure when they were penetrated, therefore I can just assume that it depends on both the adult's and the child's may I write "equipment" ; penetration doesn't necessarily cause harm.

Why would it be that different from adult's dealing ? Sex is a natural thing.

I agree when you write that it will be hard. I once read that "paedophile" was the new word for "communist" ; the wheel of fortune turns around .

cumulusjames : May I ask you how your orgasms were ? (were they better than now ?)

322 : Why didn't you do anything when you were visiting these forums ? Why didnt you ask one of them to have sex with you ?

ACuriousGhost : Did he seem to respond to your seduction ?

... I must say that I don't know either x).

How were your orgasms ? Were they better than these you have now ?

PaperHeart : Oh it's a delight to read that I'm not alone.

I beg your pardon but I didn't really understand the second part of your post... If you had sex with them at a pubescent age, then they were not paedophiles, were they ?

It's surprising to read that quite plenty of young boys were fantasising about having sex with adult men.

However I don't like sadism ; I love consensual, delicate, tender sexual relations between adults and children as it ought to be. Forcing is wrong and doesn't give paedophiles a good image.

May I ask you how you've suddenly changed your mind about the sex you had with adults ? (I don't mean to seem insensitive, but that is the kind of things which tend to annoy me - therefore excuse me if I could hurt you ; that is not my purpose)

Thank you again for posting. It's a delight to read you all .

I don't remember how my orgasms were - It was 22 yrs ago!

I would imagine they were more 'natural' if that makes sense. We did not have sex panic here and i had no sense of pressure to be attractive or perform, so I didn't have the inhibitions I do now.

I used to dream of an older woman taking advantage of me, but I guess that's normal for almost all boys when they hit puberty. I guess it's less usual for girls but one thing I do know is that a lot of girls under 14 or 15 know that they are attractive to older men and play on it.

cumulusjames : Well, I do remember the first orgasm which I consciously prompted - I was 8 and I may I write had a liking for sex. I had previously watched a film which contained a woman "rape" scene (the fact is that it was not exactly a rape ; it was more brutal sex - the film is "Once Upon a Time in America" by Sergio Leone) - my parents didn't really care about what I could see of violent in film (yet they refrained me from seeing pornographia or too - shall I write - "sexually-based" film) ; if a sex scene happened to appear they would not mention it and they would let it take place without changing the channel.
So during the viewing of the scene I felt - may I write - quite inflamed, but I didn't pay much attention to it - this sensation would come up quite often.
I went to my bedroom after having watched the film. I was laying on my bed and I suddenly thought about the scene which I had previously seen - I got stirred again. Then I noticed that I felt really good when I thightened my legs ; I pulled my pants and my panties down and I - to make it short - masturbated. I had an orgasm - the fact is that I don't think I enjoyed it as I should have enjoyed it, and I unfortunately didn't masturbate much afterwards ; I would most of time get stirred and not act upon my feelings down there - I must have done it something like four or five times between the age of 8 and the onset of my puberty, probably much more before that, but it would not have been conscious masturbation, and anyway I don't remember -.
I remember that it was still really intense - I didn't know what was happening to my body, I thought that I was losing all the control I had over it... Exquisite sensation. I think you're right when you write that they were more "natural".

hatemyself35 : I also guess it.

Oh female teenagers know they can attract grown-up men, that's true.

Thank you for your answers.

Mod edit

Oh please could you tell me why daddynast97's post has been deleted ?

No, it's against the rules to discuss mod actions in the forum.

Boulangerie wrote:Am I insane to feel this way ?

Your beliefs are never insane, although I feel you might need some guidance, be it personal or via someone else. What you are describing sounds like you have a strong attraction to children. Normally that's ok, but it should never, ever ever ever ever ever translate to sexual thoughts. I wonder if maybe something earlier in your life sparked your interest?

Ada : Anyway, thank you.

Agghh : Thank you for having read my post.

I don't really understand ; you write that attraction to children is okay. How do you describe this attraction (do you mean soft sexual attraction ?) ?

Something like what ?