How do you live with pedophilia?

Hello everyone. I'm new, but I'm excited to be here. I've been looking for a place where I can openly discuss my most distressing psychological issue for a long time now. Maybe I'm paranoid but I feel like, if anyone were to find out, I would be stigmatized, ostracized and generally f'd by society in every way possible. There's so much hatred for people like me out there. But I really need to talk about it so I'm taking this chance.

I am a hebephile; which, in today's world, is essentially the same thing as a pedophile. When I first discovered it, I considered just killing myself; I was already suffering from depression and anxiety. This was the one part of my identity that I felt like I couldn't live with. I desperately tried to deny it, to ignore it, but it wouldn't "go away."

I've long since decided that I don't want to die. I want to live out my life because it's the only one I get and once it ends, that's it -- lights out. I've also come to accept my hebephilia, to a degree. It's a part of me, as surely as any "normal" sexual orientation. I don't need to be "treated" or "cured" of it. It is what it is.

Yet I still find it difficult to live with. I don't know how to cope with it, or manage it. I found that loli hentai helps, but only so much. And ofttimes I can't bear to be around other people because I feel like, if they found out about this secret "side" of me, they'd inevitably despise me for it. I feel like such a monster in society's eyes, all because of something I didn't decide and can't change.

I don't know what to do.

So to my fellow hebephiles and/or pedophiles: How do you live with your paraphilia? How do you reconcile it with the rest of your personality? How do you manage to ignore society's stigmas and carry on?

Thanks in advance.

I'm attracted to women but also to boys aged 12-15. I sometimes think it is an emotional thing but I was attracted to boys around the same time I became interested in girls, about late 14. So I'm not sure if this is a part of who I am, an emotional thing or some stunted sexual development. I'm not exclusively attracted to pubescents like you seem to be? So you probably suffer more distress but I guess I can relate somewhat. Do you have any friends that know about your attraction? Having a real, personal source of support and someone you can open up to really helped me. Obviously that can be a scary and dangerous situation and could take some time to achieve but it would be worth it think.

I find it all pretty easy to live with. It's just an extra thing I find beautiful. I don't really see the difference between myself and a normal person except this.

-- Fri Sep 11, 2015 1:01 pm --

I find it all pretty easy to live with. It's just an extra thing I find beautiful. I don't really see the difference between myself and a normal person except this.

It all depends on how you look at it. When people go on and on about how disgusting we are it's hard not to be a little bit disgusted with ourselves.

I just try to remember that people have very black and white views on pedophilia, and it's almost as if they're proud of their ignorance on the subject. I recently got done reading a reddit post where people were clearly bragging that they didn't know what the words hebephilia and ephebephilia meant and bashing those who did. Most people don't want to be associated with pedophiles in anyway so they are reluctant to attempt to understand how we feel. Some of them need to believe that we are horrible to the bone.

If most of them really took the time to understand people who are attracted to minors they wouldn't be so disgusted with us. They'd likely be very moved by some of us. I think if people really understood my feelings towards girls they would find them beautiful and inspiring.

sprooglestrewft wrote:It all depends on how you look at it. When people go on and on about how disgusting we are it's hard not to be a little bit disgusted with ourselves.

I just try to remember that people have very black and white views on pedophilia, and it's almost as if they're proud of their ignorance on the subject. I recently got done reading a reddit post where people were clearly bragging that they didn't know what the words hebephilia and ephebephilia meant and bashing those who did. Most people don't want to be associated with pedophiles in anyway so they are reluctant to attempt to understand how we feel. Some of them need to believe that we are horrible to the bone.

If most of them really took the time to understand people who are attracted to minors they wouldn't be so disgusted with us. They'd likely be very moved by some of us. I think if people really understood my feelings towards girls they would find them beautiful and inspiring.

Cheers, man. That's perfectly stated.

First, realize that it will likely never go away. And second, having an attraction is not wrong. Unless you're having issues controlling yourself, and are at risk of hurting someone or doing something illegal, it's nothing to be ashamed of or worried about. Also realize fantasy isn't reality, and thoughts within your own head don't harm anyone.

It's easy for me to live with, once I accepted it as part of my unique sexuality, and stopped thinking like the rest of society that puts a taboo on being attracted to someone under the age of consent. It's normal. Yes, you should probably keep it private, because societal standards don't line up with biological ones, and it's a highly misunderstood topic. But hebephelia is quite normal.

You should watch the documentary "Are all men pedophiles?" Which goes into the differences between pedophelia and hebephelia, and how society intertwined them when we created arbitrary age of consent laws, when really hebephelia has been a normal part of the human race for centuries, and this stigma is uncalled for because it's only human biology.

Also realize, accepting it, and acting on it, are two separate things, and while morally and biologically It's normal and fine, legally it is not ever normal or fine to act on these desires in any circumstance. If you have fears that you may act on it, avoid situations that could get you into trouble and immediately leave a situation where you feel you're leaning in that direction. Consider talking to a kink-aware therapist if you have any issues at all where you think you may act.

The way I see it, we have all got two faces: the one we present to polite society, and our true uninhibited self that we mostly keep to ourselves.

This applies to almost all people, and even to groups of people - families, friends, offices, companies.

Everyone hides their true self, to a lesser or greater degree, from most others. Perhaps they are racist, sexist, perhaps they hate their supposed friends, perhaps they killed a man one night in a hit-and-run, or perhaps they are are a pedo. If people said what they really think, or did what they really want to do, everyone would be killing each other.

You and I are not alone in having secrets.

@Mustelidae

No offense but seriously, why the hell would I ever tell friends about my attraction?? No way! Even if I did manage to find some friends (I don't have any) I could NEVER tell them about this. I know that there are others like me out there -- this forum proves that -- but they seem so rare. The overwhelming majority of the population seems more likely to react with disgust and hatred than compassion and understanding, you know?

You're right, I think it would really help me to have someone to talk to about this. But no, there is no one, and there can't be. I couldn't even tell my therapist; I'm so terrified of being outed and put on a sex offender list or something. I live in constant fear that someone will find out!

@Maligan12

You're a hell of a lot stronger than me then. I salute you.

@spooglestrewft

That's the problem -- it seems like the whole world is on a witch hunt for pedophiles. They won't even bother to understand -- they just want us all dead or locked up. And that scares me so much.

@lemonbread

I realize that the stigma is wrong. Throughout human history, pubescents have been sexually active. I know it's just society today that gets everything backwards. But I still have to try to live in this society, you know? And with all the hatred and bigotry out there for people like me... I just don't know how to deal with that.

@unnamedsailor

I lived with two faces for most of my life, and it destroyed me. Born into a strict, fundamentalist religion, I had to hide my disbelief and put on a "believer" facade for over two decades, just to get by. I hate lying and I hate hiding. I don't want to do it... And yet I realize that I need to. Just when I thought I could be free of putting on a facade for the world, I have to do it again.

None taken Yes it is scary to tell a friend but I have done it and so have others who use this forum. There are open minded people out there and there are also some people who aren't open to the idea until someone like a friend opens up to them. They have an inaccurate perception of people attracted to minors and sometimes it takes someone they know personally to make them realise or change. A personal connection with someone they care about and respect can make them more accepting. Obviously it's hard to tell who will react in what way and I'm not sure how to figure that out beforehand. Simply making friends would be a tremendous help too. If you make friends with good enough people, even if they can't accept it if you decide to tell them, they should respect your privacy and security and keep your secret even if the relationship cannot continue.