Has your 'pro-contact' attitude evolved over the years?

I'm just wondering how old are the 'pro-contact' folks, and has your attitude changed over the years? Mine certainly has, over almost thirty years of living with a paraphilia.

Age 10 -15: I was absolutely convinced that as soon as I was old enough to have my own place, I'd 'rescue' a particular dead woman and take her home to 'live' with me. To my mind, there was absolutely nothing wrong with this at all.

16 - 19: The growing awareness of how horrific necrophilia is to the rest of the human race was really getting to me, but I still absolutely believed I'd bring a certain somebody home one day.

20 - 27: By this time, I fully expected to settle down with a living woman and live normally. Passed through several 'normal' but unfulfilling relationships, became a father, and got used to the idea that necrophilia was a fantasy best kept in a secret place in the back of my head.

27 - 35: At 27 I 'met' a dessicated/mummified woman from the 19th century, but the chance passed me by, and I was in genuine anguish for the next eight or so years. This was my most 'pro-contact' phase, as I obsessed over the thought of bringing that woman home. I became completely indifferent to the living women I was in relationships with over this period, to a point where I look back now and can't deny that I treated them very ignorantly and badly.

It was at this point where I think I really did twist a lot of reality in my head to suit what I wanted. To my mind, the scenario of bringing home a dessicated mummy and living with her, would have been a sweet and loving situation, and I genuinely believed it was only ignorance that could disagree with that.

Also, I genuinely believed that if the woman's soul could see us, she'd be happy.

35 - 39: It's hard to say how much this forum has helped, as opposed to a now defunct necrophilia forum that I used to frequent, but I really have accepted over this time that there's a line I can never cross. More importantly, over this time, I've really applied my brain to the reasons why necrophilia is considered unacceptable, and I'm accepting them more and more. I'm realising the excuses I made, and how I used to kid myself.

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Now, I've never been pro-contact in the sense that I think that anyone should be able to help themselves to dead people. The thought of callous types 'using' a dead person has always horrified me. I have though, in the past, held a belief that necrophilia is okay so long as the necrophile genuinely loves and respects his/her dead friend.

Does that ring any bells?

To be honest, in my heart I still feel that way, but my brain is way ahead of that now. I put a greater value on the sanctity of the dead and their memorials than I do my own desires. I no longer hold or justify an ambition to bring a dead woman home. For me now, it's a case of living with feelings that can never get what they want, and getting on with living a positive existence as best I can.

I can relate. As a teenager my mind never even considered the idea that sexual relations with children might be morally acceptable. I guess it was because everyone around me treated the idea as if it were insane. That ideology rubbed off on me, and even the thought of sex with undeveloped children began to make me feel uncomfortable. I was one of those pedophiles that only fantasized about touching, kissing etc.

It was only after visiting many pedophile discussion forums and reading hundreds of arguments from people I respected that I began to understand the meaning of pro-contact, and consider it a reasonable view.

I once argued with a few pro-contact pedophiles claiming that sexual relations with children would never work in a society with such strong taboos against it. The child would end up regretting it regardless of whether they enjoyed the relationship at the time. I was then informed that pro-contact pedophiles are mostly judging the act itself. That is to say that they envision a world where voluntary sex between children and adults would be seen as a positive experience by all. That seemed a much more reasonable position to me as I honestly felt that the extreme level of taboo against these relationships is the primary cause of damage in child sex abuse cases.

Around that same time I began reading the stories of women who had sexual experiences as children and their stories seemed to confirm my suspicions. Many of them mentioned feeling guilty, as if they had broken some moral code by having sex with an adult when they were so young. I watched a video of a 9 year old girl who was clearly distressed because her friends were calling her a pedophile for dating a boy 3 years older than her. Other stories mentioned happy experiences that resulted in suicidal levels of despair after being confronted with the anti-contact opinion. It was stories like these that enraged me and made me feel like anti-contact folks were harming children most of all by making them feel as if their soul had been broken by a relatively harmless experience.

The black and white attitudes towards pedophilia and child molestation didn't help either. It only angered me more that people won't acknowledge that pedophiles are capable of loving children and placing the child's needs above their own.

Even after all of this. I am still not pro-contact and I am beginning to question that position more as I age. I can't say I'm anti-contact either because honestly, I really don't know how sex affects children. I am a fence sitter but I would rather err on the side of caution than hurt a child I care about.

I believe that we can't compare consenting to sexual activity to something like consenting to give a massage, or consenting to trying a new food. Sexual activity generally involves acts that would typically make people, especially children very uncomfortable if they are not attracted to the person involved. A child could feel pressured to do something they might later regret and most people would have a difficult time interpreting whether the act was truly consensual or not.

That said, the effect of light sexual activity on children is probably massively over-exaggerated. I still think public opinion is mostly to blame for harming children and since public opinion is very unlikely to change we can safely say that sex with children will always be a selfish and morally repugnant act in our lifetime because of the social taboo factor.

Graveyard76 wrote:I'm just wondering how old are the 'pro-contact' folks, and has your attitude changed over the years?

There was a time I was in the anti-contact camp. I unthinkingly nodded when people spoke about how sex was "damaging" to children, and I was horrified at myself because I believed that my being a pedophile meant I would one day, werewolf style, have no choice but to give in and molest a kid knowing full well the horrors that meant inflicting.

Then did the research, and I confronted the contradictions in my own internal processes. As a child, I never tollerated being treated as a lesser being well, and I always held a firm belief in erring on the side of freedom rather than the side of security. Returning to the pro-contact stance I had as a child helped a lot with the cognative dissonance of trying to parrot the words of a society that will hate me no matter which position I take.

Graveyard76 wrote:I have though, in the past, held a belief that necrophilia is okay so long as the necrophile genuinely loves and respects his/her dead friend.

Does that ring any bells?

Yeah, it's a common strawman position people frequently attribute to me. I've never been of the opinion that "love" makes anything okay that wouldn't be okay if it were absent.

I think my attitude has evolved a bit.

When I was very little I had a lot of sexual contact. Mostly with other girls, they'd teach me how to "rub myself" and how to play house as the mommy and daddy. This was not traumitizing to me (though it has changed the way I think compared to others a lot). I was also abused by one adult man, and groomed by a few others. This damaged me considerably but after years of therapy I think I've broken most of my fears.

But even though I had that abuse happen as a child, I sort of always thought that if someone consented to sex, it was okay, regardless of age. When I got a little older I was taught about the rules of society. No sexual anything regarding children, and statutory rape was a thing. Oddly enough it still bothered me, because I had a crush on a teacher when I was 12 and he was 20. In my mind, if I initiated something with him and gave my consent and he also consented, why should he get in trouble?

A friend of mine who is 14 has a crush on me still. Ever since I turned 18 a year ago I've obviously had to refuse any of her attempts at being physical or anything, due to the law. But I think its rather silly, considering she's the one initiating everything.

Overall I think my opinion with pro-contact depends on the willingness and decisions of the younger party, and their understanding of it.

sprooglestrewft wrote:. That seemed a much more reasonable position to me as I honestly felt that the extreme level of taboo against these relationships is the primary cause of damage in child sex abuse cases.

^That's very true. I didn't find anything wrong with my sexual encounters with my friends as a child, but was told again and again by people that knew that that was bad, that they were sorry that happened to me, and whatnot...instilling this bit of shame inside me. Kids will obviously react negatively psychologically if they realize "oh...what I did was bad.."(this is concerning consensual things, not nonconsensual molestation which is terrible anyway) Therapists and my parents have all discouraged me from developing crushes on people older than me (as a young teen, I was very interested in catching the interests of boys in their 20s) and that frustrated me because I saw nothing wrong with it if -I- was the one initiating it. It wasn't their fault for reacting to the things -I- was saying.

So, If all parties are consensual and understand everything and do everything in a mature and loving manner and MAKE SURE that all parties are okay afterwards as well, I don't really see the issue. But with society the way it is and how big of a mark you can make on people's psyche--and how they will see you as well, I doubt there will be any breakthroughs and we'll be continued to be shamed upon.