How do you exclusives cope?

How do the exclusive paraphiles cope? If your exclusive paraphilia means that you may never have a sexual relationship in line with your attractions or a romantic relationship/life partner then how do you cope with that? What coping mechanisms do you use? Does it even bother you that much? Has it had any detrimental effects on your character or personality?

It bothers me more than I can ever explain, not being able to hold hands, cuddle or kiss or just plain share my days and nights with someone I love.

I use depression and immense loneliness to cope, I comfort myself with the thought that I am not hurting anybody or breaking my own moral code of conduct, it does not change that I would desperately like some form of human love.

The sexual side is easily dealt with as is of course obvious, but the sheer romantic feeling of being able to give your heart to somebody and know they feel the same way is impossible to experience without a partner and I am not allowed one, so for 27 years I have stayed alone and expect to until I die.

It is a bitter and horrible life to live and not even being able to talk to anyone about it is unrealistic and unfair but that is the reality for life of an exclusive paedophile.

I don't.I tried killing myself.

PNL2 hit the nail on the head.

I mostly try not to think about it much.

I'm doing ok enough at the moment. But a few months ago, I was very depressive and my drug use got out of hand. I had to think more and more about how I will never be with my to-be-found dreamgirl, because she would be 10 or 11 years old, and I lost myself in sadness and despair, and developed crushes on young movie actresses, which only pulled me down deeper. After this went on for a few months, I got help and checked in to rehab. I opened up to my therapist there, who was very supportive, but due to her lack of experience in this field,she gave me adresses of therapists she wrote to about my case(anonimously).
"Real life" has me back for a few months now, and I can enjoy life often enough. But I never went to the therapists, because I don't see what it could do for me, and I got the feeling that therapy for pedophilia always focuses on crime prevention, and that offends me.
Also, as I get older, I'm more and more exotic among my peers, never having a girlfriend, never seeming to express interest in women, which changes the way people see me. At 20, you're just shy, at 30 you're rather weird and something has to be wrong with you. I don't think any of my friends or family members has the slightest bit of a clue about my pedophilia, I might be wrong, but I don't think so. Some might be unsure about my heterosexuality, though.
So....all in all, I cope, but not too well.

HoldenC, the last half of your post describes my thoughts perfectly. Being the outsider as you get into your 30s, knowing people are questioning your sexuality, knowing you can never be yourself etc.

I cope by sleeping with many 18/19 year olds, probably far too often. It's a quick release but no other options. Emotionally, there is nothing. I lead a double life (triple life?) and live one day at a time.

Perhaps you all can explain something about "emotional attachment" and "developing a relationship". If your dream girl is 10 or 11, then she will only be your dream girl until she turns 12. So it seems that, even if laws are changed or if you move to a country where age of consent laws aren't enforced (like Micronesian countries), you would never "develop" a relationship that has any meaning at all, if your "emotional attachment" only lasts until she is no longer in your upper age limit. Where am I going wrong?

Papergirl wrote:Perhaps you all can explain something about "emotional attachment" and "developing a relationship". If your dream girl is 10 or 11, then she will only be your dream girl until she turns 12. So it seems that, even if laws are changed or if you move to a country where age of consent laws aren't enforced (like Micronesian countries), you would never "develop" a relationship that has any meaning at all, if your "emotional attachment" only lasts until she is no longer in your upper age limit. Where am I going wrong?

I think this is something every minor-attracted person thinks about. It would seem unfair and selfish to enter into a romantic relationship with a minor if after a limited time you would just leave them.

If I were to break the law or if the laws were to change and I was to enter into a relationship with a 13 year old boy, at 16 i probably wouldn't be sexually attracted to him. I think I personally may be more attracted to them for several years after if they still looked fairly young and if I was quite deeply romantically attracted to them.

Some people have said that it is selfish and shallow to just dump someone because they are getting older. Someone might use an adult couple growing old together. They may not be sexually attracted to each other once they are old and fat but they still love each other and are emotionally attracted to each other. For me personally it would feel like being with a completely different gender at around 16 onwards. It would be like a gay man being with a woman. There are also paedophiles who are not only sexually attracted to children but also emotionally or romantically attracted to them. They love their personalities and mannerisms and as they grow up that changes. For these reasons I don't think that using an adult couple growing old is a fair example.

Some people like Gemini incarnate have spoken about a relationship with a child being open and more about a stepping stone or a mentoring type relationship. I don't want to put words in their mouth but I think they spoke about it being simply a temporary thing for the child. That could potentially lead to trouble if the adults or child's feelings were to change into something more serious despite the relationship already being framed a different way. It could even develop into a lifelong friendship despite their not being a romantic or sexual component.

So I believe such a relationship could be a positive, short term experience or a long term one depending on the person. I also believe that such a relationship could be positive or damaging depending on each case with the people involved and the feelings that develop as a result. I'm not sure that a relationship won't having "any meaning at all" if it only lasts 1-3 years though. If the child is fine with the relationship ending at a certain point and if it benefited the child and the adult during that time then how could it mean nothing? Wouldn't a romantic relationship lasting a few years be better for both parties than none at all for a lifetime?

I feel like my attractions fluctuate between being exclusive and non-exclusive, but I want to answer anyway, because I've gone from being perpetually depressed as a teenager/adolescent to being very happy most of the time as a 24 year old. When I was 21, I was so unhappy that I would binge drink sometimes until I puked and blacked out. I think the greatest source of hope for me is that I've come out about my attractions to a few close friends and a family member, and have received very supportive and understanding responses. That helps me cope with the sense of social stigma and isolation, at least.

As for coping with loneliness, I've had various methods throughout the years. (sidenote: I have had a couple of relationships with women my own age, though in both cases, the person I was dating had a somewhat childlike personality and a petite physique. Neither relationship was really sexual in nature, and that's part of why I don't know whether to consider myself exclusive or not.) Coping, though: When I was about 18, I started listening to children's music (children's folk music mostly. e.g. Dan Zanes pandora station) as a coping mechanism, and I used to watch a youtube channel called Shaytards, which provided the vicarious experience of being with a happy family w/ kids. Nowadays, I still find comfort in those media sometimes.

Papergirl wrote:Perhaps you all can explain something about "emotional attachment" and "developing a relationship". If your dream girl is 10 or 11, then she will only be your dream girl until she turns 12. So it seems that, even if laws are changed or if you move to a country where age of consent laws aren't enforced (like Micronesian countries), you would never "develop" a relationship that has any meaning at all, if your "emotional attachment" only lasts until she is no longer in your upper age limit. Where am I going wrong?

That's a good question. When I try to imagine how this would play out, I like to think that I'd be able to nurture positive childlike behaviors (like curiosity, whimsy, kindness) in a girl, so she'd retain those characteristics into adulthood. (I feel like I've been able to keep my own inner child alive and well all these years, so maybe I could help someone else to do so as well.) I like adults who don't take themselves too seriously, so I don't think I'd fall out of love with a girl if she stayed childlike into adulthood. At the same time, what I'm describing sounds a bit like manipulative and controlling behavior to me. If I were in a relationship with a girl and she grew up to be like most adults I know, I don't think I'd like her in the same way anymore.

My favorite Bible passage is Matthew 18:1-5

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

Oooo, thanks for the suggestions of media Jacob123. There is another family on Youtube as well. Hahaha. The dad is funny in those videos. Eeeeeeee. We should totally talk. Lol.