desperate to be gang raped, what is wrong w me?

I must say this is all pretty hot.

What does CS stand for?

-- Thu Jul 09, 2015 4:39 pm --

I must say this is all pretty hot.

What does CS stand for?

-- Thu Jul 09, 2015 4:39 pm --

I must say this is all pretty hot.

What does CS stand for?

Papergirl wrote:I do appreciate everyone’s comments, even those with which I disagree. And yes, my current sexual proclivities stem from one summer when I was sexually exploited by a close relative. And yes, I guess you can use the word “abused”, although I don’t feel that way. However, my current sexual outlets satisfy me. I find this kind of sexual recreation (which has a vulgar name that I don’t particularly like, and will refer to simply as “CS”) to be exciting and fulfilling.

My brain doesn’t connect sex and love. I have never had a normal sex life, and never will. Agreed that my romantic dysfunctions are without doubt due to that summer at age 9, but at this point that’s irrelevant in any way beyond academic interest. What is relevant is the choice I’m faced with – either indulge in CS and enjoy what I have, or crave an intangible and be perpetually frustrated.

The OP is a young woman who has expressed a desperate (her word) craving to be gang raped. Her post was worded in such a way that it seems she is going to eventually put herself in a dangerous situation to indulge her craving. CS may satisfy her cravings in a safe and (semi) legal way. I know her cravings first hand, and I assure her she is not alone.

I can understand how some folks may find CS “disturbing”. But allow me to remind you that 50 years ago homosexuality was “disturbing”. Ten years ago group sex was disturbing. Today swinger clubs and sex parties are practically part of the mainstream, and gay life is held in very high regard. As I said, this activity has a colloquial name that I find repugnant (and a misnomer). I referred to it here by its initials “CS”. In fact, many women don’t like the official name, and it is starting to become known as “this thing of ours”. I’m not sure if there is a clinical name for the paraphilia. And, as there appears to be a lot of curiosity about it, I will post an expose of the CS paraphilia, and hopefully you’ll find it less (or perhaps even more) disturbing. But more importantly, perhaps offer some insight for women like the OP.

I highly doubt people think the sex you have is disturbing, what is disturbing is how psychologically unwell you portray yourself to be and your history of abuse.

A rape fetish is fine if it's something someone enjoys, but for you rather it's just a sick addictive need to fulfill your traumatic experiences, needing to used by someone because it's all you know and you have no ability to have a normal sex life or experience love.

It's also sad how much you do not care about your body. For example, I may like cliff diving, and although I know there are risks I don't go into it with a death wish and I make sure to prepare myself so that I do not die, because I'm not stupid or suicidal.

You on the other hand, don't seem to care about any risks at all and that does not show me that you are someone who enjoys your natural sexuality or life much at all, all it shows me is that you are psychologically unwell.
On the other hand if you told me you liked having group sex all the time, but took great care of your body, used protection, cared about the risks, didn't have a history of abuse and the sex truly wasn't an addiction or a need, but something you really enjoyed, and that you were capable of also having a normal sex life and experiencing love, that would have been fine. Instead, it sounds like you really need help and should not be helping others until you get help.

IMO it's not so all or nothing, you can have a paraphilia and learn to not let it control your life, your natural sexual attractions are not evil things and you can learn how to get off in less dangerous ways, sex addict or not, you can learn to have a very happy, content, well balanced sex life and can learn to love and have a real relationship, but it takes a lot of self-work.

My advice to both you and the OP is to go to therapy and get help, join SAA, utilize the 12 steps, find support groups with fellow members who have recovered from their paraphilias. If you are feeling the need to put yourself in danger, there is a problem there that needs to be dealt with.

It is natural to have natural sexual attractions and fetishes, but when it becomes a paraphilia and rules your life, you can start taking action to work on it. I overcame my illegal paraphilias through introducing more sexual interests so that the one fetish no longer had its grip on me. I will always be attracted to the things I'm attracted to, but they do not rule my life any longer and I have been successful at learning how to love and how to enjoy normal sex. But you can only do this if you are ready to.

IMHO why not just try masturbating and fantasizing about it. If you have a good enough imagination, it will satisfy you, unless there is more to your problem than that. If sexual release is the only thing you care about then masturbation will be good enough and you will also be able to have a healthy sex life with a loving partner or even get your partner to help you roleplay things with you, but if you are using it to fulfill an empty void of some kind like a need for love or acceptance, etc it will never be good enough, thus you then have to work on the underlying emotional and psychological issues that come up for you.

Thunderseed – thank you so much for taking the time to reply, and for your honest and heartfelt suggestions. Of course, I respectfully disagree with just about everything you said. But I take strong exception to your notion that I shouldn’t be offering my opinion or “help” to others. I feel I have a lot of experience, knowledge and awareness that may be at least interesting, and likely helpful, to others.

Papergirl wrote:Thunderseed – thank you so much for taking the time to reply, and for your honest and heartfelt suggestions. Of course, I respectfully disagree with just about everything you said. But I take strong exception to your notion that I shouldn’t be offering my opinion or “help” to others. I feel I have a lot of experience, knowledge and awareness that may be at least interesting, and likely helpful, to others.

I didn't mean any disrespect, but nobody should be advising anyone to practice paraphilias. That is not helpful in any way as paraphilias are very serious and dangerous.

Papergirl wrote:Elkahn - Certainly not a joke, and if anything, an understatement. Although it is fringe sexual activity in the wider scheme of alternative sex, it is not uncommon in a certain sector of the swinger community. I know many other women who are into this paraphilia, and some of these women are much more prolific than I. It is done typically in adult theaters (which, by the way, no one goes to for the movie), but there are other venues. In the city in which I live, there are three women (and couples) friendly adult theaters. One of them even has couches and a gloryhole (look that up if you don't know what it is). And this activity can also be done outdoors in so-called "dogging" sites (nothing to do with dogs). There are also so-called "rape rooms", essentially an adult theater without the movie (a cavernous pitch-black dark room with beanbag chairs and couches strewn around). We have one in my city, and it is very popular with women in this scene. They hold organized "events" on select Sunday afternoons. I will be there this coming Sunday, in fact.

Elkahn, just as a matter of etiquette - next time you hear about a sexual activity with which you are not familiar, look it up and learn about it before you refer to it as a "joke". Sex may be recreation, but it's never a joke.

Yes, I know what a gloryhole is, and I don't mean to judge, but I wonder why anyone would do that. I read another post of yours about your story so I feel sorry about the abuse....
But it looked like you said STDs are nothing too serious and it's rare to get one and then told your story of unprotected sex. Well, I think it's harmful, unprotected sex is risky for everyone, so it almost sounded like you encouraged that.
And I agree with thunderseed that no one should encourage paraphilias, especially one like this, so harmful and dangerous.
I agree with the other things thunderseed said. I don't think you're really enjoying and celebrating yourself, there is something disturbing in the way you talk about this stuff. It shows an underlying serious psychological issue, and you should be helped. You seem to have no respect for your body and health, and it's concerning, and a sign of psychological trauma.

Mustelidae wrote:Papergirl has been calm, understanding and factual and all some of us can do is call her sexual experiences disturbing and hope she is joking. That's super supportive guys. Wasn't there a discussion on another thread about even if you don't understand something or don't support it that maybe you should keep that to yourself and stay supportive and constructive?

I don't mean that the paraphilia ITSELF is disturbing, it's the way she disrespected her own health and body and encourages someone else to do the same that's disturbing. Someone else on this forum referred to necrophilia in negative terms, so that's where the anger came from back then.
I'm not saying the rape fantasy paraphilia is disturbing, only the ACTUAL desire to act on it and disrespect yourself is.

It seems quite extreme to me to just out right discourage all paraphilia. Just don't do the nocuous ones.

Sex in general is an imprudence really, like any materialistic indulgence but, hey, they make life worth living.

I disagree with many of thunderseed's statements.

thunderseed wrote:On the other hand if you told me you liked having group sex all the time, but took great care of your body, used protection, cared about the risks, didn't have a history of abuse and the sex truly wasn't an addiction or a need, but something you really enjoyed, and that you were capable of also having a normal sex life and experiencing love, that would have been fine. Instead, it sounds like you really need help and should not be helping others until you get help.

I really question what the standard for "having a normal sex life" and "experiencing love" is. Papergirl has shared her experience about satisfying her sexual needs and experiencing love with her husband. It doesn't need to be fine for the rest, but for her, and so far it's been good for her.

Papergirl wrote:I find this kind of sexual recreation (which has a vulgar name that I don’t particularly like, and will refer to simply as “CS”) to be exciting and fulfilling.

What I read from her is that she's come to terms with what she went through on a summer years ago, and is enjoying her sexuality even if it's not connected with love, even if others can't understand that.

thunderseed wrote:IMHO why not just try masturbating and fantasizing about it. If you have a good enough imagination, it will satisfy you, unless there is more to your problem than that.

She has the choice to use or not protection in her encounters, as others have the right to smoke or drink. I really, really doubt that masturbation would satisfy her needs. Because she doesn't want to just have an orgasm, she wants to feel pleasure through what brings her pleasure, being gang raped. And she's doing it in the way she found out how.

When an addiction is catalogued as one? When it really messes up her life, so far I think the recreational sex she has may be doing quite the contrary, give her lots of pleasure, even if in the head of most people that can't fit.

I don't think she's asking for help but rather she's sharing her 30 something years of experience to what has worked for her to another poster who has the same desires Papergirl had at the same age.

Papergirl wrote:I can understand how some folks may find CS “disturbing”. But allow me to remind you that 50 years ago homosexuality was “disturbing”. Ten years ago group sex was disturbing. Today swinger clubs and sex parties are practically part of the mainstream, and gay life is held in very high regard. As I said, this activity has a colloquial name that I find repugnant (and a misnomer). I referred to it here by its initials “CS”. In fact, many women don’t like the official name, and it is starting to become known as “this thing of ours”. I’m not sure if there is a clinical name for the paraphilia. And, as there appears to be a lot of curiosity about it, I will post an expose of the CS paraphilia, and hopefully you’ll find it less (or perhaps even more) disturbing. But more importantly, perhaps offer some insight for women like the OP.

I agree.

thunderseed wrote:I didn't mean any disrespect, but nobody should be advising anyone to practice paraphilias. That is not helpful in any way as paraphilias are very serious and dangerous.

Why not?

Paraphilias are "... the experience of intense sexual arousal to atypical objects, situations, or individuals." Wikipedia

So, if it doesn't hurt others, why shouldn't paraphilias be satisfy?

Maligan12 wrote:It seems quite extreme to me to just out right discourage all paraphilia. Just don't do the nocuous ones.

Sex in general is an imprudence really, like any materialistic indulgence but, hey, they make life worth living.

Yeah, that's what I actually meant