On coming out to friends or family

Who of y'all has told friend or family member about your parafillia? (Specifically being a pedophile) what was their initial reaction? How has your relationship changed from before?

Am struggling with this right now. Actually am thinking I'll tell him am gay first then if he reacts well to that, later down the road, I'll tell him about my pedophilia. Am very worried how he'd react to that though. He has a 6 year old son, so...
Am not even sure how to start such a conversation, or even fish for his view on pedophilia

Tell me about your experience coming out, positive or negative?

I'd keep it a secret from your family for ever. It's not gonna be the first or last secret you keep from them, anyway.

I have a good relationship with my family,but about opening up to them: Even IF they would be understanding and supportive, I'm afraid it's very likely that they will see me in a completely different light, whenever they see me or hear me talk,they'll think of my former secret. It will redefine me for them. And although I read about people who made good experiences with opening up to their friends or family, I would always strongly recommend not to, just what I think.

My advice is don't tell anyone you can't cut out of your life if it comes down to it.

So far, I've told two very close friends (one of whom had drifted away since) and both of my parents. My parents were told at a time I was out of the state and living on my own, so if it came down to it, as painful as it would be, I could terminate communication with them.

I've been incredibly fortunate with how people have responded. The initial reactions were somewhat mixed, but in all cases, the relationship went back to more or less where it was before, with the added bonus of there being one less secret between us, and no need for me to fear they'd hate me if they knew.

That said, I've read other posters who've had far less positive reactions from friends and family, so please consider carefully whatever choice you make, and approach it with the understanding that there's no unringing that bell.

I don't believe I'm actually a pedophile, though I do find younger males being with older males one of the hottest things out there, so don't know how much my advice would help but hey;p

My brother and I are kinda corrupted so he knows a bit about what I like, don't really remember how we eventually got to the deeper darker stuff but we did, I wouldn't really tell the rest of my family though. A lot of my friends, well closer friends, know about it as well but I don't think they fully understand it, oh well. What your telling somebody depends on the person your telling.
I suppose a way to bring it up with him would be to talk about a related issue that happened in the news I guess, that way it kinda seems like a normal conversation and you usually get there opinion on the topic at the same time. If they react badly definitely don't tell them, medicore reaction gather more information, possibly able to ease them into the idea, good reaction still wait a little while just to make sure that's actually how they feel and that you really want to go through with it, 'cause once you've said you can never take something like that back.

good luck with whatever you decide to do;p

Big Cat wrote:Who of y'all has told friend or family member about your parafillia? (Specifically being a pedophile) what was their initial reaction? How has your relationship changed from before?

My mother, my sister and all my friends know it.
I have never done any official announcement to anyone, and I don't see why someone's sexual orientation should be a state affair.

When I see a beatiful child I freely say that he/she is attractive. At the beginning my friends used to think it was a joke, but now many of them are realizing that it isn't, I think.

They find my orientation funny and they joke about it.

The last week I asked to a friend to show me the picture of a child who does after school lessons with him.

Am struggling with this right now. Actually am thinking I'll tell him am gay

Which would be a lie. I read in the discussion "is pedophilia a sexual orientation" that you are an exclusive pedophile. Aren't you?

If you want to feel free from your lies, why would you tell him an other one?

first then if he reacts well to that, later down the road, I'll tell him about my pedophilia.

You could find a more gradual way to confess your attraction to children... as I did.

I told my mom and her partner. My mom is gay.

They were pretty understanding.

My mother, my sister and all my friends know it.
I have never done any official announcement to anyone, and I don't see why someone's sexual orientation should be a state affair.


When I see a beatiful child I freely say that he/she is attractive. At the beginning my friends used to think it was a joke, but now many of them are realizing that it isn't, I think

That's really amazing. It's great that your friends and family are so accepting.

Why do you think they're starting to realize it's not a joke?

They find my orientation funny and they joke about it

.

What kind of jokes? Something like y'all see a kid and your friend says, "Bet you'd like to take that one home, huh?"

Or something along those lines?

Which would be a lie. I read in the discussion "is pedophilia a sexual orientation" that you are an exclusive pedophile. Aren't you?

If you want to feel free from your lies, why would you tell him an other one?

The definition of gay doesn't mention age, so technically I am gay. Really, I figure a half-truth is better than none at all. And it'd get him to stop trying to set me up with is sister.
And yes I am exclusive. There has been a couple of guys if age that I was moderately attracted to, but those are the exceptions

You could find a more gradual way to confess your attraction to children... as I did

How'd you start? Comment every now and then, then gradually progress from there? Do you keep your comments PG? Such as, "Wow, he's cute!" or is it more like "Mmmm, I'd like to ride his po-go stick!"

Post by Neverfeelaccepted » Fri Apr 03, 2015 2:07 am

I told my mom and her partner. My mom is gay.

They were pretty understanding

That's great man! If you don't mind telling what was their initial reaction? Has your relationship with them change any? Is it different from before? If so, how?

Big Cat wrote:

My mother, my sister and all my friends know it.
I have never done any official announcement to anyone, and I don't see why someone's sexual orientation should be a state affair.


When I see a beatiful child I freely say that he/she is attractive. At the beginning my friends used to think it was a joke, but now many of them are realizing that it isn't, I think

That's really amazing. It's great that your friends and family are so accepting.

Well, in reality for the family side the expression "so accepting" is not exactly true.

It is more correct to say that they tolerate me although I am a pedophile.

My mother has never beaten his prejudice towards pedophilia and she thinks it is a psychological disease.

When it comes to my friends, it is correct to say that for them it doesn't matter. For them it is something to laugh about.

Note, by the way, that my mother is 100% aware of the fact that I'm a pedophile, while my friends are probably only partially aware. One side of their brain probably says "it is a joke", and the other side say "it is true".
I would like to know what would it be their reaction once they are 100% aware that I am a pedophile.

Why do you think they're starting to realize it's not a joke?

1) It is obvious that I don't look at women.
If I didn't speak about children, they would probably think I am gay.

2) Because if it was a joke, it would be strange that I do the same joke with all group of friends

3) Sometimes I feel they are aware that I really like children. For example, when my friend showed me the picture of his little student, we were not laughing.

What kind of jokes? Something like y'all see a kid and your friend says, "Bet you'd like to take that one home, huh?"

Or something along those lines?

One of the most funny I remember....

It was at school (I was 20 years old) and at school I used to be not the most disciplinate guy.

A teacher, during a lesson, said "you are a child".

So a schoolmate said: "No... don't say this... "

And an other schoolmate: "He will now try to have sex with himself!"

( in that school there was a teacher (a woman) who also joked about my attraction to children. Some years ago I went to restaurant with my family and there was my sister with her son. I met the teacher at the restaurant, and she said "I hope he is not your son")

The definition of gay doesn't mention age, so technically I am gay.

It neither mentions if the males you like are conventional males or transgenders.
But many persons consider attraction to transgenders as a separate orientation.

In the same way, I consider pedophilia as a separate, stand-alone orientation.

In the thread "Is pedophilia a sexual orientation" I explain why, according to me, pedophilia can't be considered a subset of homosexuality and heterosexuality, but an orientation in itself.

Before the development of secondary sex carachteristic (which occurs during puberty) many physical features of the individuals are not related to the sex/gender, but to the age (or, better said, stage of development).

This is true for humans and this is true for many human species. Duck are a very good example: you can recognize the sex of a duck according to the color of it's plumage.
But before they are adults, when they are still infants, the color of the plumage is not feminine, neither masculine: it is a third color, and it's the same for males and females.

The color of the plumage of infants is what I call "infantile carachteristic", and pedophilia can be seen as an attraction towards infantile carachteristic.

Pedophilia is therefore not a subset of homosexuality and heterosexuality, but an orientation in itself.
I think it is more correct to see heterosexual and homosexual pedophiles as subsets of pedosexual orientation.

Really, I figure a half-truth is better than none at all.

BTW... what I was trying to say is that if you say you are gay, people think you are homosexual teleiophile, which is a lie. You don't like adult males.

I'll show you an example to understand.

Think about a male who is gay (homosexual teleiophile) and wants to come out with friends and family, but he doesn't feel ready.
So he thinks "I can start with a half-truth", and so he says to his friends and family: "I am a teleiophile".

Did he said a half-truth? Yes, but what is the point? Did he explain his sexuality? And would it be a coming out for a heterosexual pedophile to say "I am heterosexual"?

I know I am a little polemical and philosophical, but it is the way I am... in forums.

How'd you start? Comment every now and then, then gradually progress from there? Do you keep your comments PG? Such as, "Wow, he's cute!" or is it more like "Mmmm, I'd like to ride his po-go stick!"

My situation might be different, because I am young and my friends are young too: they are not married and they don't have children, and so they are not emotionally involved.
Furthermore, for the fact they are young, they don't have a rigid mentality full of prejudices as many grown adults.

By the way, to my experience, if you tell to a young adult male that a little girl is attractive, his reaction will probably similar to this sequence:

1)
2) "You are a pedophile!"

I think it is better to start like this, instead of using labels ("I am a pedophile") or doing an official coming out.

Once you will have expressed your attraction to a little girls in more occasions and with different persons, they will probably start to joke about it.
They will probably indicate you a little girl ("one girl for you!") when they see one, and it is possible they will indicate little boys too (for teleiophiles doesn't make difference, if you are a pedophile you like children).

Don't deny their statements and say "thanks" when they suggest a child to you.

With the time they will be ready for a serious coming out... and you can say that you prefer boys. It will be not a shock for them, because at that time they will have considered the fact that in the joke can be a half-truth.

So to conclude: to be honest, if you want to start with a lie, I would say that I like young girls, and not with the statement "I am gay" (attracted to adult males), because heterosexual teleiophiles can better understand attraction to young girls than attraction to adult males (the result of phallometric studies show that, although heterosexual teleiophiles have little attraction to prepubescent girls, is still greater than attraction to adult males... and infact the morpholigical distance women-girls is smaller than morpholical distance women-men).

In a second moment you can introduce your attraction to prepubescent boys.

The morpholigal distance between women and men is the greatest one (greater not only than women-girls, but than women-boys too), and to tell them the lie "I like adult males" is the worst thing according to me.

P.S.: what I wrote here is my experience with different groups of friends... the reaction of young adult males usually follows this schema, but I don't know with a 50 years old male).

I've told quite a few people over the years, pehaps more than I should have. To keep this short, I'd just like to say that if the other person has known you awhile, you'd be surprised how open minded some people can be.