On never having a family

cumulusjames wrote:I have to now accept that I will never have a family. When society tars something, it likes to use a very broad brush. But I have the problem of having come from a bad family. To imagine one day I might be able to experience a good family life was one of the main things keeping me going.

Now things are bleak. My life when it ends must end without family, and completely alone.

Melito wrote:

Mustelidae wrote:If you want to be loved and to find love bad enough then you need to do what it takes to learn to love yourself.

This is a very tired cliche, and isn't true for even half the instances its used for. There are people who need to get over selfhate, that's why they don't find love. Then there's those that don't find love, because people see them as unloveable. I know the feeling.

Then, having to hide yourself from partners, afraid of having kids, afraid of being around them. Then the shame (even if normal shame levels, and yes its healthy to feel shame...) that you find a child attractive. This is a genuinely complex situation with unfortunately few simple answers.

Dark Soul wrote:

cumulusjames wrote:I have to now accept that I will never have a family. When society tars something, it likes to use a very broad brush. But I have the problem of having come from a bad family. To imagine one day I might be able to experience a good family life was one of the main things keeping me going.

Now things are bleak. My life when it ends must end without family, and completely alone.

You make it sound like you're the only one in the world who is going through what you're going through. That no-one could ever possibly understand your situation.

Do you know what your biggest problem is? It's not what you did, it's how you feel about yourself.

Melito wrote:It's not thinking one is the only one going through this, you'd be entirely alone because its preferable to tell nobody. Let's say you found someone to settle down with and had kids with that person. Sure, you'd never sexually abused your children, but it would make you feel absolutely like $#%^ for them to find out, and to have them view you as some disgusting pervert.

Dark Soul wrote:

Melito wrote:It's not thinking one is the only one going through this, you'd be entirely alone because its preferable to tell nobody. Let's say you found someone to settle down with and had kids with that person. Sure, you'd never sexually abused your children, but it would make you feel absolutely like $#%^ for them to find out, and to have them view you as some disgusting pervert.

You're assuming that everyone, who isn't a pedophile, thinks that pedophiles are disgusting perverts, but that's not true. Not everyone thinks that way. Some people realize that pedophile does not always mean child molestor.