Sexual abuse and incest fantasies.

Hi,

I hope someone can help me.

There is this guy in my life who is interested in me. He was sexually abused by his uncle when he was a child. He's different. He has impulse issues and he seems to have no filter. He is constantly talking about his fantasies. And it grosses me out.

His fantasies always revolve around family/incest scenarios- Mother/son, father/daughter, sisters.
The guy is Bipolar also. I tell him to stop talking to me about this kind of stuff, but he has a very antagonistic personality and continues to just do it.

My question is,
Is this normal for sexual abuse victims to think like this? And how do I make him understand I do not want to be with him,

Thanks,
Anita

Welcome to the forum, Anita. I've moved your post to the Paraphilias forum. Since I think people here may be more familiar with the fantasy elements. As well as other aspects of the situation.

And hopefully the practical issue of getting him to stop over sharing!

Please forgive me if this sounds insulting. I really just want to get the obvious out of the way first. Have you told him that you do not want him sexually? In those words?

I ask for that specifically, because I once had a huge crush on a friend, who cared about me a great deal as a friend. In an effort to spare my feelings, she never did manage to say outright that she didn't feel the same way about me I'd told her I felt about her. Like an idiot, I ignored what should have been obvious signs, and made up stories in my head for why her more subtle signals didn't mean what they did. I'll take the blame I deserve for my part in that mess, but I know I would have been grateful for an unambiguous "no" earlier in the process.

Assuming you have explicitly said that to him, my next question is: Why is he still in your life at all?

Is he someone you're stuck being around at work? If that's the case, file a sexual harrassment complaint with HR. If they don't respond, escalate to a hostile workplace lawsuit.
Is he someone you otherwise consider a friend? If so, consider the posssibility that this friendship isn't worth the discomfort you're experiencing, or the unsatisfied desires he's feeling.
Is he a family member you're living with? If so, consider finding alternate living arrangements.

I can't really say more without knowing why he's in your life.