my partner and dad of my 2 boys is a peeping tom.....

I'm completely devastated. And trying to at least understand this, but it really really sucks, that you lot will put your most loved one's through this hell so that you can achieve an orgasm.

I have just this week realised that my partner and best friend of 11 years, and awesome dad to our boys, is a sick sick boy. And I don't really believe that anything happy is going to come out of this.

Yet again, I awoke in the middle of the night to find him taking photos of my genitals and masturbating. I have caught him peeping on me in the shower, peeping on our flatmate outside her bedroom window in the middle of the night, crawing along the floor with a torch under the covers of our bed and masturbating.......many other incidents over the years.

He just loves me so much that he can't help himself he says.

I hate his guts.

Where do I go now, how do I get myself help?? How do I deal with him??????????

I am so so bummed out. And equally pissed off.

Any thoughts, or feedback.

Are you upset only because he does this to other people? It maybe kinda weird that he takes pictures of your genitals and stuff but he is the father of your child and I'm assuming you guys have sex so I don't see why your upset with him masturbating to you. Actually, I would be flattered if I caught my wife doing that to me.

Thanks for your reply. I'm really needing some debate and or feedback.

I'm upset, firstly, because he lies about his voyeurism. He needs to hide it and pretend it doesn't happen, He gets very angry when caught and very nasty.n Denies, and then tries to blame me or the girl/women that he has been peeping at/on?

Secondly, I'm upset because I don't feel safe in my ownhouse, bathroom or bed....I like to be consulted and CONSENT when andif I am to be involved in something sexual. I feel like he is preying on me. AND this is something that makes it all the more exciting for him. This is NOT FLATTERING.

I have told him repeatedly that I hate waking up and finding him doing $#%^ to me. I suspect he has drugged me on occasions. He likes the non consentual side of it all. That is his thing.

I have had partners in the past with unusual sexual likings, but the difference here is his desire to keep it hidden.

I feel abused.......noshit, I feel like my father has been doing this to me.......because this is a person who is supposed to love and respect and protect me....in my own home,,,,,,daily. It's really ###$ up.

Does this give you any insight into how this stuff effects the victims?? WE DONT WANT IT.

Keep talking though.....I'm trying to make sense.

I see where you're coming from... if it was consentual and you didn't complain about it from the get-go, it would be different. However, he is doing this without your consent (and seems to like it that way), AND is doing it to another woman. And if he's drugging you... that part is downright scary.

And the notion that he loves you so much that he "can't help himself" is crap. Maybe you should do something that he hates and then tell him you "can't help yourself". If he loved you, then he wouldn't do something that truly and genuinely upset you... NOR would he be doing it to your flatmate.

Seriously, the next time you catch him doing it outside your home, call the police. Whether it's you or your flatmate, he is breaking the law. You could also tell him that without therapy and an immediate change in behavior, you will leave him. Make sure he knows you are serious, and follow through if he chooses not to stop. A therapist might be able to help him... you certainly have a lot of broken trust between you. Good luck.

So, 8 years on, how's life?

I hope you have either worked out a mutually satisfying arrangement with your partner from the post or found happiness with someone or are just enjoying a singlehood.