I need help. *May trigger*

I am a 20 year old male, before I start this I want to say that I will NEVER act on my fantasies! I am here because I am trying to figure out what my next step is, and meet people who can relate to my life. I have recently diagnosed myself as a pedophile. for as long as I can remember I have had explicit fantasies about young children. Usually girls between 2-8, rarely boys under 6. I have denied it to myself my whole life, but as I get older I started realizing that the feelings I was feeling, the fantasies I was thinking were not right! And "I needed to stop these fantasies" I told myself. I would fight and fight myself from thinking these things, but I have recently learned that I need help. I have isolated myself from the whole world completely. I have very severe depression and bipolar disorder. I don't know why I feel this way, I had an amazing childhood, my mom is my best friend she would do anything for me! She is the most amazing person I know. I see a therapist and a physiatrist because have recently failed a suicide attempt. I am on medication but have not told ANYONE! I fear I will never have the courage to talk to someone about it. I am a pedophile who would never hurt or molest a child. Is there anyone who can help me?

Both the US and UK have a service called "Stop It Now" (Google it). They have a confidential helpline and I strongly recommend you call them. They won't judge you and the will be able to talk things through with you and give you some ideas where you go next.

Are you attracted to adults at all?

Welcome to the board. I'm also a pedophile, attracted to girls aged 0-10. I'm in my early thirties. Never acted out, never will.

I've found that trying to pretend that I don't have these feelings isn't helpful, and trying to suppress my fantasies only makes matters worse.

You don't need to stop your fantasies. There's nothing wrong with engaging in a fantasy, no matter what that fantasy is. You know the difference between fantasy and reality, and so long as you can keep that distinction in mind, you don't need to worry.

I hope you manage to find the help you need for the depression. And if you need to talk to someone about your attraction to children, we're happy to help you here however we can.

Thank you I really appreciate it. Actually this is my first time even coming close to talking about. It's really hard because people hate pedophiles, it's crazy how long I've been attracted to children but I never thought I was one, until one day I tried to stop. I hate myself a lot but try to stay positive. I have very recently came to the realization that there is a HUGE difference between a pedophile and a child molester. I know I would never do it, I love kids and as a new adult to this world I will do my part in protecting the youth. But I'm really scared. I'm not a monster, and I don't want to let this define who I am and make my life a living hell. I'm actually a really nice guy, just quite. If you don't mind me asking, have you come to terms with it? Do you accept yourself? The first step is realizing, right? So I guess that's a start.

I learned to accept myself years ago. Part of it was seeing another pedophile on a board like this stand up and be counted, unashamed of who he was. Another part was coming out on another board and learning that the rejection and mistreatment we suffer in so many places isn't universal.

I wish you the best in your efforts to come to terms with your orientation.

What exactly is so bad about having sexual thoughts and feelings about children?

Although statistics are not easily available it would be a good guess that the vast majority of pedophiles live rather normal and law abiding lives.

It's not so much the things that happen to us in life, but how we understand them, that determines our happiness.

I'm 25. I've been out as a non-exclusive, non-offending pedophile for about a year now. I used to feel the same way until someone on another board said what someone said up there. There is nothing wrong with a fantasy. You've realized you're fantasies and seem aware that there is a difference between fantasizing and doing the actual act. There is plenty on support on here and you might even be able to express yourself to someone close to you whom you trust.. You would really be surprised about the people you may find that you have in your life that will be able to support you. I know I was when I opened up to a friend. He didn't shun me and it's nice to be able to confide in someone.

I'm also curious if you find adults (sexually) attractive or not. I'm in a relationship and my partner is aware of my fantasies and attractions but I love her very much and she helped me through what you're feeling too. She understands I would never act on them and I know she trusts me. It's never good to exclude yourself from the world. who Again, you would be surprised about how understanding some people can be.

Even though I am new to this specific board I know that We, on this board, know how it feels to feel like this is a bad thing but remember again that you're aware of the line between the act and the fantasy. Those hotlines help a lot too. It's easier just to accept than deny.

GoodIntentions7 wrote:I'm 25. I've been out as a non-exclusive, non-offending pedophile for about a year now. I used to feel the same way until someone on another board said what someone said up there. There is nothing wrong with a fantasy. You've realized you're fantasies and seem aware that there is a difference between fantasizing and doing the actual act. There is plenty on support on here and you might even be able to express yourself to someone close to you whom you trust.. You would really be surprised about the people you may find that you have in your life that will be able to support you. I know I was when I opened up to a friend. He didn't shun me and it's nice to be able to confide in someone.

I'm also curious if you find adults (sexually) attractive or not. I'm in a relationship and my partner is aware of my fantasies and attractions but I love her very much and she helped me through what you're feeling too. She understands I would never act on them and I know she trusts me. It's never good to exclude yourself from the world. who Again, you would be surprised about how understanding some people can be.

Even though I am new to this specific board I know that We, on this board, know how it feels to feel like this is a bad thing but remember again that you're aware of the line between the act and the fantasy. Those hotlines help a lot too. It's easier just to accept than deny.

I'm way too afraid to tell anyone. I see a couple people for psych and I can't even tell them. I worry most about my mom finding out. But talking about it, and finally admitting it feels good.

As far as relationships go I've kinda bounced back and forth between gay and straight. I'm just getting out of the relationship and was feeling like I was just asexual. But being honest with myself, but never more than that. I've always been kin of a loner.

Also I'm new to this forum thing all together, so I apologize if I'm not really doing it right.

You're doing fine.

TD3465 wrote:
I'm way too afraid to tell anyone. I see a couple people for psych and I can't even tell them. I worry most about my mom finding out. But talking about it, and finally admitting it feels good.

As far as relationships go I've kinda bounced back and forth between gay and straight. I'm just getting out of the relationship and was feeling like I was just asexual. But being honest with myself, but never more than that. I've always been kin of a loner.

Also I'm new to this forum thing all together, so I apologize if I'm not really doing it right.

I was too. I still don't want mine to find out.

Sorry to hear about your relationship not really working out. Honestly mine helped me just about as much as these forums did because for me it feels like I have that real life support that its hard to find on here and places like here. I was surprised when my partner didn't pack her things and leave. But as mentioned up there, you'd be surprised by who you might be able to talk to. Someone you trust.

From the sounds of it, you need to know where you stand in a more sexual way as well as accepting the fantasies. I hope people on here can help you. You're doing fine. There is no rush to define yourself either.