I might be a pedophile. Would anyone miss me?

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me.

A lot of the characteristics I'm attracted to in women are considered masculine. And it would be great if I were just attracted to men. I would take being attracted to men, over having the most hated and despised sexuality in the world, any day. But I'm afraid I'm not any more attracted to men that women. And I don't like the effects that puberty does to men's bodies, any more, at all. I'm afraid, I'm not stuck, ashamed of being attracted to men's bodies, or something like that. I'm stuck in between men and women's bodies. Not attracted to either of the features men or women have after they go through puberty. Men become far to masculine and scary for me, the more puberty effects their bodies. And makes their shoulders broad, and makes their bodies hairy, and makes their voices super deep, and makes them big and scary. A boyish body type is cute, but most men are big and scary. The limbo I'm stuck in between isn't boys and men, it's women and men, and my sexuality never being able to find fertility and what puberty does to men and women's bodies, attractive, I'm afraid.

I'm a bisexual, and I don't feel ashamed or guilty about being attracted to genders. And I'm attracted to both some things associated with femininity, and some things associated with masculinity. But most of the masculine and feminine things I'm attracted are associated with androgyny or pedophilia.

I really don't know if I'm emotionally immature. Maybe? I know I take a lot of pleasure in cute and heartwarming things. That's a hobby of mine. I like lots of children's shows and video games. And I am emotionally vulnerable and sensitive. And I have low self esteem. I'm sure that my sexuality, and not being able to stop having a sexuality that the world hates, being told that I deserve to die and other people like me deserve to die, hurts my self esteem a lot. A lot of my hobbies are certainly very childlish, I feel like it's such a nicer escapism and hobby, to get lost in things that are cute, and heartwarming, and happy. Than dark and gritty and disturbing.

cumulusjames wrote:You don't have to let these issues dominate you and ruin your life, it is possible to move on from them. Neither will punishing yourself achieve anything. The only way forward is to deal with these issues head on.

That's funny coming from you.

Aren't you the same person who claimed he was going to kill himself just because he got caught looking at child porn?

You've been acting like your entire life is ruined. Yet, here you are telling someone else to deal with their issues and move on from them.

Why do you think he should deal with his issues and move on from them, and you not?

Dark Soul wrote:

cumulusjames wrote:You don't have to let these issues dominate you and ruin your life, it is possible to move on from them. Neither will punishing yourself achieve anything. The only way forward is to deal with these issues head on.

That's funny coming from you.

Aren't you the same person who claimed he was going to kill himself just because he got caught looking at child porn?

You've been acting like your entire life is ruined. Yet, here you are telling someone else to deal with their issues and move on from them.

Why do you think he should deal with his issues and move on from them, and you not?

There is a difference between dealing with issues with your sexuality and dealing with being put on the sex offenders registry for life with the possibility of jail time.

Mustelidae wrote:There is a difference between dealing with issues with your sexuality and dealing with being put on the sex offenders registry for life with the possibility of jail time.

Because people on the sex offenders registry should not deal with their issues head on and try to get on with their life?

Should they instead act like their life is completely ruined and kill themselves?

The point of my post was that cumulujames is giving advice that he too could take, but he acts like that advice doesn't apply to him.

Dark Soul wrote:

Mustelidae wrote:There is a difference between dealing with issues with your sexuality and dealing with being put on the sex offenders registry for life with the possibility of jail time.

Because people on the sex offenders registry or in jail should not deal with their issues head on and try to get on with their life?

Should they act like their life is completely ruined and kill themselves instead?

No they should deal with them. It's just arguably easier to deal with accepting your sexual attractions than being on the registry and jail time.

Neither the jail time nor the register (which thankfully is not as bad as the US) are as hard to deal with as being forecast a a child rapist for the rest of your life for having taken an addiction to twink porn a bit far.

No prospects of ever being able to claim rehabilitation. Even the murderer can be an ex murderer when his time is served.

I find it often amusing that rationality is so expected of users of a mental health forum. If cannot be irrational here, where can I be?

cumulusjames wrote:Even the murderer can be an ex murderer when his time is served.

Society does seem to be more accepting of murderers than pedophiles. Even those who have done nothing more than look at child porn (or twink porn in your case) seem to receive harsher judgement than murderers.

Hell, even some serial killers have their own fan club. I doubt any pedophiles do.

The reason people hate pedophiles so much who look at CP, is because they're enabling those who exploit children in the production of child porn, even though they may never have a touched a child themselves.

How many pedophiles here can honestly say they wouldn't watch child porn if they thought they could get away with it?

cumulusjames wrote:I find it often amusing that rationality is so expected of users of a mental health forum. If cannot be irrational here, where can I be?

Why would you want to think irrationally for?

How could that possibly benefit you?

I don't think he wants to be irrational. I think he wants a safe, supportive place for when he is irrational.

I cannot control my rationality. Partly because I am bipolar, partly because I am OCD and partly because I spend a good deal of time intoxicated on alcohol.

Besides, there are quite enough assaults on our lives an persons from corperations and governments. If my brain wants to be a tad crazy, I'm inclined to let it, since the only place left for freedom is between the ears. And such brain scanning tech is on the horizon we won't even have that much longer.