Younger Kids, Am I A Pedophile>

I'm new here and I don't know where else to go, but I'm honestly concerned with my attraction to younger kids. I'm 18 and am currently a female, but identify as a man. Long story short: I find myself attracted to younger girls who are freshmen and sophomores, I'm a senior btw. I don't know why, I just am. I fantasize about having sex with them, and sometimes frequently. On one occasion, I had my neighbors daughter over with me because she didn't want to be home alone and didn't want to go to her then-boyfriends house so she was with me. She just turned 13 and I was 17. We were in my room watching a movie and I was against the wall and she was laying down in my bed, back to me. Half the time I was staring at her ass and actually got really turned on by the thought of rolling her over and doing whatever she let me do to her. Ended up getting off the that thought quite a few times.

Another time I was with another girl, 8th grader, for track season and we were alone in the locker room. At the time I was fully aware that she was younger and told her I was a sophomore (I was actually a junior). I remember she was 13 or 14 and I just turned 17. I was helping her stretch cause she screwed up her ankle and calf and ended up playing around with her and moving my hand up more and more. Eventually I was pretty much grazing her vagina and was, at the same time, flirting with her. Then I leaned over and kissed the girl and was playing with her breasts. Had my friend not come in banging like a dumbass, I would have been caught. We did that again another time and I caught her on the bus, then she moved.

Finally, I was in a sauna thing with a girl who happened to be 14. Next thing I know, I got the girl on my laptop and was seriously making out with her while grabbing her breasts and rubbing her ass. I was 16 at that time though, so I guess it was okay.

Now it's never with girls younger than freshmen age. But boys? I actually fantasize about not having sex, with jacking off or giving head to a younger boy. Like between ages of 8 and 14. I have no idea why, I just get excited by it.

Now some of this I have to initiate, like the boy fantasies. But the ones with girls just come and I have had to learn some kickass self control to not get caught looking. I'm honestly worried about my attraction and get concerned that I'll really get caught doing something or loss control.

I read over it and noticed a few mistakes.
Besides the 8th grade chick, I never did anything with girls younger than her. I also put down 'Caught her on the bus.' . What happened was I sat down with her in the back and we ended up playing a bit.

With boys I fantasize about oral sex, giving not receiving. But nothing more. Maybe fingering I guess.

I haven't done $#%^ since I turned 18, but its getting harder with track season coming up. I'll be surrounded by young girls in my preferred age group because our coaches always assign a senior to a group of young girls to mentor, generally a group of 7th, 8th, and 9th graders in a group of about 15. That age group of girls we mentor is the age group I am attracted to, so thats why I'm concerned.

At least with girls it sounds like hebephilia rather than pedophilia. Are the signs of puberty a requirement for you to be attracted to a girl? If that is the case then it sounds like hebephilia. As for boys you said around 8-14. So you are attracted to prepubescent boys in which case thatd does sound like pedophilia. If you have no doubts over your self control then you shouldn't have any concerns during track season other than just potentially feeling uneasy in your mentor position due to your attractions. I wouldn't worry about all this for the moment and to see how you feel in the next few years as your sexuality develops further.

Well I looked up hebephilia and then looked into ephebophilia. I like signs of puberty, but not fully grown. I think I'm more on the hebephilia side cause the other one involves girls either just finished or done with puberty, nothing too exciting there.

I haven't downloaded any pictures or anything or chatted with girls that young, but I won't lie and say if I found some pictures or had a willing girl on me I won't be aroused. My real issue with track comes with our stretches. We do "partner stretches" which involves getting very touchy in the thigh/leg/butt/and sometimes vaginal area, my weak spots. We also go swimming in the pool and last time I almost lost my $#%^ when I gripped a girls hand to help her out and her top fell down. I think she was 15 and I got weak as hell and mentally kicked myself to keep calm. She didn't seem at all bothered, actually winked at me as we left, but jesus. I'm gonna die.