I terrify myself.

I'm absolutely depraved. I've been reading about the lost prophets singer Ian Watkins recently and the things he's done and fantasied about are the things I want to do and have fantasised about (animals, young children etc). Let me make it very clear that never in a million years would I commit such heinous acts. I feel very mentally unstable and I feel that I COULD commit these acts without a flicker of remorse but I'm just terrified of the legal repercussions. So much so that I refuse to talk about it with doctors because I have a friend who did and within a week he was being questioned by police. I've done a damn good job from hiding it from my family since the age of 11/12 and keeping it hidden is the only thing that's allowed me to keep a good job and a group of friends. I refuse to let anybody find out but I'm cracking. My now ex nearly found out about my fantasies and I had to rip my phone out of her hands (notice I said ex?) and it's made me so much more cautious. I really am sick and twisted to the point that no amount of therapy could help me but I don't know what to do going forward.

It is not true that no amount of therapy can help you. It most certainly can. Having those kinds of thoughts does not mean you have to act on them, or that you inevitably will. Neither does it mean you have to let them be problematic or upsetting to you. You can reach a point where you can manage the thoughts and urges in such a way that you can be confident you will never offend, and the thoughts even if they persist, can become benign little things in the back of your mind.

The first option available to you is to phone the stop it now! helpline. This is a confidential free phone helpline for someone with your issues to get help and advice. They do not record calls or any personal information and they do not tell the police anything unless you confess to having carried out an offence. They are there to help and they are highly trained. Just be honest with them and they will be able to give you good and useful advice.

The next option is to join a group called virtuous paedophiles, they are an online support forum, thier aim is to help each other live with thier desires but never offend.

You can find both with a quick google search.

If you find these thoughts distressing and if you think about acting on your fantasies then therapy can help you.

We can always improve ourselves. Remember that.

I had counselling for my paedophilic attraction and was not reported to the police, though it was evident to the counsellor that I don't have any issues with empathy or impulse control, so possibly that's why. It proved helpful to be able to talk about it.

Hmm... Sounds like you're feeling quite stressed out and confused; isolated. Maybe you're hoping someone will accept you and hear you out without judging you or condemning you?

A few things I read recently come to mind. There were three big studies of gay conversion therapy, they found success rates of 60, 30, and 10 percent. I'm not aware of any quality studies like that for paraphilias, however anecdotally the likelihood of leaving a sexual attraction or orientation behind is slim. More fruitful might be acceptance and management of your thoughts and feelings?

Therapy might be helpful for you? But research shows that the most important factor in client recovery is the client him or herself. A willingness to get in shape is probably more important than seeing a therapist or the kind of therapy that might be offered to you. Professional therapists are bound to report someone who they believe could be a harm to themselves or others, based on what you've said, your concerns about being reported and legitimate.

Why don't you expand a bit on some of the points you've mentioned? Like, why do you believe you are out of control and impulsive; what did you see or do that led you to conclude that? What is your attraction exactly? Kids and animals, is that all? Do you remember your dreams, what are they about? Are you using drugs or alcohol? Are you working or going to school at the moment? What's your favorite food?