Children can't process sex, what does that mean?

Maligan12 wrote:

cumulusjames wrote:
I was a little boy and how dare you argue that it is OK. How dare you.

And some of you talk about girls like my niece like it's run of the mill. How dare you talk about that like it's ok.

ITS NOT OK.

It's "how can you dare". *mod edit*

You have an opinion and I will always tolerate it but if you can't express yourself with civility then you will be more at home commenting on youtube videos than here.

I hate that phrase: it's one of my worst triggers. It's the single most obnixnious collocation in the English language. I literally find its usage more contemptible than child pornography.

Steady on mate. I am mentally ill I don't function the same as a lot of you. Also if you would have read the posts you would know I dropped out of school at 14 to devote my live to servicing the needs of bad men. I ought to have a knighthood rather than a prison sentance for services to c***...

I am both drunk and depressed at the moment. Can't say nothing and anything I say I will be hated for.

Imagine being so trapped in your own mind. Even paedophiles will shoot you down for daring an utterance.

cumulusjames wrote:I'm pretty sure a lot of harm was done because my emotional needs were not being met. Soon as the deed was done you were not welcome to stay. If one of them had of taken me on in a loving caring way my life would not have been so crap.

So it's not engaging in sexual activity that messed you up but rather being used and mistreated. I'm not arguing this to make a political point, but to help you.

ctithe wrote:

cumulusjames wrote:I'm pretty sure a lot of harm was done because my emotional needs were not being met. Soon as the deed was done you were not welcome to stay. If one of them had of taken me on in a loving caring way my life would not have been so crap.

So it's not engaging in sexual activity that messed you up but rather being used and mistreated. I'm not arguing this to make a political point, but to help you.

People may not like this. But the Gay Rights activist Peter Tatchel was shot down once for saying the age of consent should be lowered to 14 because that is when most gay guys he knows started having sex. He was not wrong. I grew up in a modest middle class suburban town away from citys even. I know someone else who started cottaging at 13 and seems unharmed. I have known many 14/15/16/17 yr olds who found thier way into cruising for gay sex and not a one has come forward and said they were harmed. So it is hard to know what is truly right or wrong. In the early days of gaydar a 15 yr old started coming on there, he became known for his slutty behavoiur, I used to tease him about it. I became freinds with him, i went to his 17th bithday party, I knew him until he was in his mid 20's. He was one of the happiest and most well adjusted people I have ever met. Last I knoew of him he had moved to london to be a designer hairdresser and was with an older "hunk" which was his type when he was 15.

Gay guys do know that they have sex at younger ages, that they have more "one night stands" than straight people, and that they are more likly to have thier first time with someone over 18. But they say nothing. This has always gone on, and it is still going on. But it is now all "child abuse".

I do not know what to think anymore.

Whoa, whoa, okay people, I am NOT advocating sex with children, and I do think it's wrong because there are social power imbalances between children and adults that are impossible to mitigate and that easily lead even the most altruistic of motives to devolve into exploitation of either the child or both the child and adult. Also the anatomical differences between child and adult bodies increase the risk of physical damage, stress and illness. Child molestation is bad and you shouldn't do it.

I am trying to figure out what "processing sex" is. So far the definition given is "a successful internalization of shared cultural constructs about what sex is," i.e, liking or disliking what you're supposed to, attaching the same values to sexual gestures as other people do, and so on. I can see how this would be harmful, because engaging in sex before the shared meaning is incorporated would impair one's ability to sexually communicate, and would lead to misunderstanding, hurt feelings, isolation, ostracism, inability to function sexually...and learning the unspoken rules would be even harder.

But could it also be neurological (differences between child and adult nervous systems mean children perceive sexual stimulation differently, are more easily overwhelmed or overloaded by it, or experience it as painful/not completely pleasurable in a way adults wouldn't?)

Could it be emotional, as in, children can't emotionally detach and/or maintain as much emotional autonomy after sex, and this leads to becoming unhealthily dependent, which in turn messes up psychological development and individuation?

(P.S. I repeat, I may have seriously screwed myself up. I pushed myself into sexual things starting at 12, to spite my parents and teachers. So I don't recommend it.)

When I see the psychiatrist, I fully expect them to attach the blame for personality traits to my childhood sexual situation (not just the activity, but the homophobia and shame and fear that came from that).

When the say process sex, it makes me think of another phrase I heard - "children can't conceptualize sex". It thinks that is true. I don't think I conceptualized what I was doing when I was 13. That is, I doubt I could have put it into words. That is why on younger children they have to use dolls and pictures to try to get them to disclose what happened. They do not even have the vocabulary to describe it, words are how we think. If you don't even have the words then you will be unable to understand.

cumulusjames wrote:When the say process sex, it makes me think of another phrase I heard - "children can't conceptualize sex". It thinks that is true. I don't think I conceptualized what I was doing when I was 13. That is, I doubt I could have put it into words. That is why on younger children they have to use dolls and pictures to try to get them to disclose what happened. They did not even have the vocabulary to describe it, words are how we think. If you don't even have the words then you will be unable to understand.

Yeah...this explains a lot. Wow. I see what it means now...and yeah I am messed up, very much.

I still can't conceptualize sex. I'll probably never be able to. I can't conceptualize sexual orientation either...I can fake conceptualizing sex and sexual orientation the way normal people do, but it's a foreign language. And having a libido that bothers me to do a thing I do not and probably will never have a distinct mental construct of...yes, this is why you should not molest children.

My mental construct of sex as an independent concept is centered around "what other people think," or "what other people are scandalized by."

So, you posit it's because their minds have been deliberately crippled by poor education. That makes sense. Fortunately, education is something that can be provided to cure that problem.

YouthRightsRadical wrote:So, you posit it's because their minds have been deliberately crippled by poor education. That makes sense. Fortunately, education is something that can be provided to cure that problem.

I do nothing of the sort.

Then perhaps I've misunderstood.

Vocabulary is teachable. The words associated with sex aren't something young children are incapable of learning. They're just words that adults are loathe to teach them for cultural reasons.

YouthRightsRadical wrote:Then perhaps I've misunderstood.

Vocabulary is teachable. The words associated with sex aren't something young children are incapable of learning. They're just words that adults are loathe to teach them for cultural reasons.

Even so. They are just words. Words that are objectively meaningless, but mean something to somebody else.

Penis. Anus. Ejaculation. Orgasm. Intercourse. Just fancy words for sticking the body part you piss out of into the body part you $#%^ out of and leaving it there until a thing that feels like pissing yourself happens (except it hurts more, and does a weird throbbing twitching thing.) And it offends the adults because they are stupid and uptight!

Right...?

(All the words in the world cannot make up for a lack of conceptualization. The Sapir Whorf hypothesis was debunked years ago.)