Thoughts of being a pedophile? Please read

jasonmoore, as others said here, that's not an accurate description of pedophiles. The type of pedophiles you described are child molesters, and being a child molester doesn't always include being attracted to children. Some child molesters molest children because it's easier to manipulate them.

@jasonmoore I agree with some of those things, just not all. Either way, I appreciate the reply, it's insight from someone else. Things are going alright anyways. Lately, I haven't been thinking about it all day long and right when I get up, so that's a nice change (now lets hope it stays that way)

had something like this, twice in my life. not about my sexuality but my mortality, drove me nuts awhile. luckily it faded. if it persisted I'd be bonkers by now.

@Peterf-Yeah, I know what you mean, it's tough

This doesn't have TOO much to do with my original post, but I just want to kind of rant. Through all of this I've definitely (as expected) done some research, but the worst thing that I come across are the people who can't tell the differences. I've seen a fair amount of others who have POCD or are true pedophiles, or people that just have questions about pedophilia in general, but I seem to always see the pattern where SOMEONE has to associate pedophilia with child molestation. I can't believe that so many are ignorant. I still can't fully tell whether I am one or not, but I feel for anyone who is, or has POCD. I just wish that people would realize that those who have this are NOT hurting anyone by not having a choice in the matter, or more importantly, taking care of their impulses and urges in the privacy of their own homes. I agree that once you touch a child, that's it, no sympathy for you, that's a choice. But there are pedophiles who contain themselves, and they are people and have feelings too. So anyone who has this or POCD and is reading this, just know that someone gets it.

WOW! This is practically my thread! I am surprised I didn't read this thread actually but I have spent most of my time in the OCD forum, I am surprised they didn't move you're thread over there actually.

I too have never been diagnosed with OCD and I don't want to be because I don't want to be recommended medication and then be reliant on said medication to control my anxiety. But as long as I can remember I have had a lot of OCD related worries. My OCD took on the "P" theme about four years ago, it all started with a pic (not illegal, just odd) someone posted on some forum.

That was the first thing I felt I had to "test" myself to. Anyway that was accompanied by intrusive thoughts which got bad at times and made me really feel like I was living the life of a paedophile without actually having the attractions of one.

I was coping with them just fine until I stumbled up on (and I really could never have predicted this happening at all) a Youtube video of some 11 or 12 year old girl in a bikini having CPR practiced on her which I actually got aroused by. That really messed me up, I was coping just fine, but that really made me have to register here and get it off my chest. I tested again and again, same results, same hard cock.

Just like you said I was focusing on specific things about her, that would arouse me on a woman, her abs, ribs, those details that arouse me on a woman seemed present on her. What happened was my worst fear because I saw it as absolute confirmation (just as I was getting a handle on the issue and it was dying down) of being a paedophile.

But how could I be a paedophile if I never even intended to find the video in the first place!? How could I be a paedophile from being aroused by one video? Was I suddenly turned into a paedophile just from watching that video? Of course not!

If I was a paedophile I would have found out years ago back in my teens when my hormones were at their highest. But it does make me worry, that has happened, I still have a wish that I could totally erase that day from happening at all, what would people think of me for getting turned on by what could have been a girl as young as 11!?

This is something about my OCD that makes me feel as though I have crossed a point of no return, that I am now what I fear being based on an event. The only thing that I feel that could redeem me would be to watch the video and not get aroused by it.

But yeah that is my experience and why I posted here, I was very surprised by all the similarities in you're paranoia compared to mine. We just worry too much!

@ParanoidMan I think what makes us different from a pedophile mainly is that a pedophile would want children BECAUSE they're children. BECAUSE of the lack of growth, and so on and so forth. Secondly, we test over some people that are younger, and there are how many billion females that we would rather have? Plus, when you test over something, you're mind plays tricks. 99 times out of 100 you assume, because of the fear alone, that they must be SO much younger than you, when yes, they could be, but probably aren't as young as you'd think. I find myself relating (with some girls) parts of their body, with that/those parts of another female's body who is older, and wouldn't make me think this way of myself. I think that even on a sub-conscience level, we are relating them to someone else. Don't be 100% sure that you are aroused, or even climaxing over this person. What I personally take into account here is that I have a leg/foot fetish, and NO ONE can tell me that legs on younger children these days look like they are that of an older person's. I've seen people that I know are 3 or 4 years younger than my ex, that have legs grown BEYOND hers. Children grow much more rapidly at younger ages than they used to, and they certainly dress accordingly as well. Don't be too quick to avoid medication though, as it can very well be a contributing factor to reducing stress. It can take a long time to find the right one for you. I am currently on medication and am seeing a therapist. However, one thing I should point out is what I did a few nights ago for myself. In all of this time (about 6 months since this began), I would find myself saying that I would stop the testing, the pondering for reactions, and anything else that I consciously KNEW would make me feel bad, but I didn't for the longest time. But I finally have. I don't try to test myself, I didn't completely stop looking at random pictures to ponder on things, but I don't do it like I used to. And that's how you've got to work it. You've got to implement the harshest thing on yourself-if you see someone in public that you think you may or may not be attracted to, you casually look away as if you would with anyone else, do NOT ponder it, and go on about your day. If you see something on Facebook, or Tumblr, or whatever, do NOT sit there wondering. Don't do this for videos either. Don't look for trouble, but don't be afraid to stand up to this thing either. I know that it is there all day every day-it's in your head, how could it not be? But the other part of you, the part that knows the truth, what the REAL you is, you've got to use that to be the same way the intrusive thoughts are-meaning, always there, to apprehend those feelings of guilt or shame, when you're a good person, and you've done nothing wrong. It's just a worry, that's been overblown, out of proportion. I know how it is, even when you feel good, it's there. And when you feel good, it's shooting you down the most. Just pretend that it's not there, that's it has never been there. Smile. Use it's attacks as further encouragement to ignore it, and make it a joke. Also, remember this-YOU don't want yourself to ponder, and go back to videos so you can test yourself-IT wants you to. I say all of this because it's a most painful experience, but you CAN find a way out of it. Live your life to the fullest, and be proud of yourself, rather than ashamed. If you need to talk or want to reply to this, I check here most every day. I hope this will help you.

jasonmoore wrote: Girls hit puberty young and develop young. You like them for adult reasons, not because they are young. Just don't try to seduce, solicit, touch or force them. Theres a lot of pretty girls in this world, and one would be lying if they said they never felt an attraction to someone they shouldn't have.

I feel like you get excited because A. there are feet/legs involved and B. your dabbling into a taboo. For a second, you can be "bad" and think sexually about young girls, but deep down, you don't like doing this so you feel guilty, which means your not a pedo.

I think you are just very confused as to what you want. I KNOW you don't want children though. Sounds like your also kind of panicking about this. Just try and relax and accept, you aren't a pedo. But rather a person with a fetish.

I agree that a foot fetish can be mistaken for pedophilia but I feel it is a false dichotomy between a teleiophile and your depiction of pedophiles. It is not always a matter of younger-the-better and there are numerous age ranges and ideal age ranges that pedophiles are attracted to and they can be roughly subcategorized into "pedophiles" in the strict sense of some attracted to pre-pubescent children, "hebephiles" for pubertal children in which there is a desire for a degree of adult-ness but not too much. Then there are "ephebophiled" who desire adolescents.

I am personally an inclusive pedophile with roughly even appreciation of an adult and a pre-pubescent body but I am quite repulsed by an infant or toddler. They are desired by "nepiophiles".

Grav3Robb3r wrote:@ParanoidMan I think what makes us different from a pedophile mainly is that a pedophile would want children BECAUSE they're children. BECAUSE of the lack of growth, and so on and so forth. Secondly, we test over some people that are younger, and there are how many billion females that we would rather have? Plus, when you test over something, you're mind plays tricks. 99 times out of 100 you assume, because of the fear alone, that they must be SO much younger than you, when yes, they could be, but probably aren't as young as you'd think. I find myself relating (with some girls) parts of their body, with that/those parts of another female's body who is older, and wouldn't make me think this way of myself. I think that even on a sub-conscience level, we are relating them to someone else. Don't be 100% sure that you are aroused, or even climaxing over this person. What I personally take into account here is that I have a leg/foot fetish, and NO ONE can tell me that legs on younger children these days look like they are that of an older person's. I've seen people that I know are 3 or 4 years younger than my ex, that have legs grown BEYOND hers. Children grow much more rapidly at younger ages than they used to, and they certainly dress accordingly as well. Don't be too quick to avoid medication though, as it can very well be a contributing factor to reducing stress. It can take a long time to find the right one for you. I am currently on medication and am seeing a therapist. However, one thing I should point out is what I did a few nights ago for myself. In all of this time (about 6 months since this began), I would find myself saying that I would stop the testing, the pondering for reactions, and anything else that I consciously KNEW would make me feel bad, but I didn't for the longest time. But I finally have. I don't try to test myself, I didn't completely stop looking at random pictures to ponder on things, but I don't do it like I used to. And that's how you've got to work it. You've got to implement the harshest thing on yourself-if you see someone in public that you think you may or may not be attracted to, you casually look away as if you would with anyone else, do NOT ponder it, and go on about your day. If you see something on Facebook, or Tumblr, or whatever, do NOT sit there wondering. Don't do this for videos either. Don't look for trouble, but don't be afraid to stand up to this thing either. I know that it is there all day every day-it's in your head, how could it not be? But the other part of you, the part that knows the truth, what the REAL you is, you've got to use that to be the same way the intrusive thoughts are-meaning, always there, to apprehend those feelings of guilt or shame, when you're a good person, and you've done nothing wrong. It's just a worry, that's been overblown, out of proportion. I know how it is, even when you feel good, it's there. And when you feel good, it's shooting you down the most. Just pretend that it's not there, that's it has never been there. Smile. Use it's attacks as further encouragement to ignore it, and make it a joke. Also, remember this-YOU don't want yourself to ponder, and go back to videos so you can test yourself-IT wants you to. I say all of this because it's a most painful experience, but you CAN find a way out of it. Live your life to the fullest, and be proud of yourself, rather than ashamed. If you need to talk or want to reply to this, I check here most every day. I hope this will help you.

Wow, that is a very good and helpful post. I agree on everything you said, the "testing" is a chore. And wondering if I was subconsciously thinking about adult women when I was watching that video. Who the hell wants to go over something over and over again, looking for a reaction? It is crazy. A very good helpful post, I can really relate to the OCD "wanting" to force me to run tests on myself, that is exactly what it feels like. In olden times I think people with OCD must have felt like they were being possessed by the devil and tortured by him. If only OCD was as benign and humorous as people who don't have it think it is!

Maligan12 wrote:I agree that a foot fetish can be mistaken for pedophilia but I feel it is a false dichotomy between a teleiophile and your depiction of pedophiles. It is not always a matter of younger-the-better and there are numerous age ranges and ideal age ranges that pedophiles are attracted to and they can be roughly subcategorized into "pedophiles" in the strict sense of some attracted to pre-pubescent children, "hebephiles" for pubertal children in which there is a desire for a degree of adult-ness but not too much. Then there are "ephebophiled" who desire adolescents.

I am personally an inclusive pedophile with roughly even appreciation of an adult and a pre-pubescent body but I am quite repulsed by an infant or toddler. They are desired by "nepiophiles".

From what you are saying it is not as cut and dry as we would like to think I am disturbed, that you, as an actual paedophile, would appreciate adults as well, as that is what my whole "reality check" is based upon. My whole reality is based up on being attracted to adult women, see what you have done there? It's hardly helpful Sign me up for being an ephebophile any day though! That's just biologically natural.

^^Sorry, comrade. I just think that it is the best policy to exchange ideas for the pursuit of the truth.

What you need to appreciate is that being a pedophile isn't necessarily so bad, especially if you're inclusive. If you can stop yourself from sexually harassing adult women you have nothing to worry about when it comes to stopping yourself from doing illegal things with a child.

And I don't believe that you're really a pedophile, I mean If you need to try so hard to get satisfaction from images of children, you're affinity for kids seems minimal.

Yes, there may be something there but then again I reckon that most adults have the capacity to enjoy children that way because children are kind of like watered down adults and if one is purposefully testing themselves and searching pessimistically for some attraction then there's bound to be results you're not happy with.

In short: don't worry.