A personal validation - a success story

To start, I am and have been a pedophile since I can remember. I am not sure when it really started or how it began, but it is what it is and is who I am today. It is something I have fought for years: drugs, alcohol, self-destructive behavior, and eventually tried killing myself over. So I don’t turn this post into a personal sob story, in which I am sure many others with this attraction has, I want to tell you about a personal success story that happened the other day. It was more like a presentation turned validation of something I already knew.

To begin, you should know I have this neighbor. She is about 6 now and I have seen her for years. Nothing sexual or nefarious comes to mind, but I thought about how awesome it would have been to meet her or how much I wanted to get to know her. To keep things in perspective, I never had the delusion of a romantic relationship or pipe dreams of running away with her; so please don’t assume that. Moving on, I finally got to meet her, and this is where the validation begins.

The other day she came to my house after school. I was nothing but perplexed and full of excitement when I answered the door. Apparently her sister was asleep - or so she said. She could not enter her home and had nowhere else to go. You can tell she was having a hard time finding somewhere to go and I was just super excited to be there for her, especially in a time in need. Even though this meeting was not how I imagined it would be, it instantly broke my heart when I saw her crying and telling me she didn't know where to go. So, I let her in where she made her way inside and were she stayed for the remainder of the time with me.

First and foremost, I wanted to comfort her - she was safe in my home with me and I needed her to know that. Beyond trying to locate a number or calling her house, that is how I spent the time with her. My mind wasn't clouded with thoughts of undress or what I would do with her. We spent that hour talking, laughing, playing, and doing anything I could to keep her content. We finally went back to her house, tried her sister, and to my happiness and sadness, her sister was there to let her in.

You may be wondering why I am telling you this. I was very happy with myself and how I handled the situation. I know who I am, but I never really knew what I would do in a situation like that; you know? The girl whom I watched and loved came up to my door and invited herself into my home. We were alone together for a good 30 minutes with her in a vulnerable state that I could have easily taken advantage of. We are not all green goblins hiding in the bushes with free candy waiting for kids to walk down out yellow brick road. We are people, like you, that have an attraction that most cannot understand. This situation was testament to whom I know I was and hope shows that even though we have this attraction, we are not all that bad.

bobbybob11234 wrote:We were alone together for a good 30 minutes with her in a vulnerable state that I could have easily taken advantage of.

I think seduction is harder than you think it is. Sad doesn't mean horny.

Still, pretty awesome story. Congrats.

Thanks for sharing your experience. It is a display of strength and sanity that is expected of every human. There is no reason that paedophiles should struggle with leading a morally sound life any more than other sexual beings. People of all persuasions may find themselves frustrated by the lack of love in their life and yet sustain ethically balanced vision of life.

I know this should be a given. Unfortunately though, society implies a monstrous and demonic understanding of sexual attraction to young people and the tragedy is that as a result, in the confusion of solitude, people who are attracted to children tend to internalise an evil and demonic identity - as prescribed by society and start to believe that they don't really have control.

I wish more people would share these kind of experiences to help those who struggle, to promote self-belief and to counter the vibe of society at large.

My life has been a tattered festoon of such events, all chaste, all bitter-sweet, and rather too far spaced apart for my liking.

What do you mean "too far spaced apart for my liking"?

Btw Your vocabulary is enviable

KeepClimbing wrote:What do you mean "too far spaced apart for my liking"?

Not happening as often as I'd like. Three girls (aged 12, 13 and 11) have made sexual advances and one (aged 9, now 10) showing an obvious romantic interest. The first three I turned down on the grounds of their ages, and the 10-year-old hasn't made a move but I've made it such that it would be difficult for her to do so. No, I didn't hobble her and cut out her larynx; I just keep my distance.