Need some support

Hello all. I would like to say I am glad I found this forum, everyone is kind and not judgemental.

As it seems, my marriage is likely over and the impending doom seems to be getting closer and closer. My wife told me today that continuing to live with me is making her angry and she cant handle it anymore. She wants to move in with a friend of hers until she figures out what to do. Im not sure when this will happen. I dont have any family that I have contact with and i dont have many friends especially none i could discuss this with.

I am in the Phoenix area and would like to find a support/therapy group as well as some people i could talk with. I have been with my wife for 14 years, she and my daughter are my only real family and my whole world and i am about to loose them. Being alone and knowing its because of the things i did will drive me over the edge.

I can't imagine the prospect of losing a wife and a child and 14 years down the drain to be truthful so can't comment on that really, other than even if not right now your daughter at least will need you to be there for her one day and as a father you I am sure would want to be there for her. Your marriage might well be over hurt can cause irreparable damage but also give her time and do anything to prove how committed you are to changing, maybe in time she may be able to deal with things better.

Things may seem as there is no hope but if you give enough effort then things can get better albeit life being a bit different than it used to be. As for support I can't really help as I'm in the UK but look for something similar to the Lucy Faithfull foundation there must be some sort of similar group in the USA that would give you some help and just a human to talk to about things.

Positive vibes to you.

Hang in there, buddy!


All you can do for now is have patience. It's not like you're completely cut from your family's life, you can still see them. I predict that your wife will start missing you and when that happens, you need to work on regaining her trust. Your previous life may be over, but you can start a new one with her. When the time is right, go back to simpler times and ask her on dates, bring her flowers, etc! It would be cute c:

On the few occasions you get to spend time with your daughter, make sure she enjoys it .. do the things she loves, buy her affection with candy if you'd like. She would ask to see you more often that way.

I really hope everything works out for you with your family.

Okay. Sounds like you're really bummed out about your family breaking up and you are interpreting this at the moment as being your fault.

No point living in denial. Now what's next? You're going to look for some reputable support group and/or a competent counselor (not a psychologist). You're going to build and rebuild your social network. Have you spoken with your lawyer? It's important that you get a fair settlement.

It's common to blame ourselves, or to blame the other when we receive a hard to hear message. I don't think you are an ogre, and neither is your wife. We always peruse our human needs. That is why we do this or that. Can you think of what needs your wife is attending to? And what needs are most alive in you at the moment? It's much easier to feel empathy as opposed to blame when we consider the needs that are underlying ours and others' actions.

Needs list: http://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventory

It would (perhaps) help if you could tell us why your wife is unhappy.

Other

Myotherlife wrote:It would (perhaps) help if you could tell us why your wife is unhappy.

Other

paraphilias/topic151950.html

Thanks for all of your encoragement. In reply to RainbowStar, this actually is all of my fault. My wife has caught me looking at pictures of nude children and chatting in pedo chat rooms. This is something i have been hiding for a long time and denying to myself that i had a problem. I havent touched any children in a sexual way or had the desire to. All of my activity was kept online.

My wife used to be a happy person who always smiled, now she is unhappy and often depressed. I have destroyed her hopes and dreams for us as a couple and I am going to loose the person who i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. None of the stuff i did online was worth the cost. I love my wife and daughter with all of my heart, and i would give or do anything to change what ive done.

The thought of daily life without my family close is very depressing and scary to me. Although my wife says that the only thing that will change is that we wont be married and living seperate. Our sex life is non existant thanks to my obsession and a medical issue of mine.

I wish i would have stopped this a long time ago.

Hi there!

I think it's bo use to blame yourself for this. You feel attracted to children but it's not something you chose.

Talking to your wife about it in a better way could clarify things, as long as you don't commit any illegal actions.

Sorry to hear about that. Things can get better.

ElKahn wrote:Hi there!

I think it's bo use to blame yourself for this. You feel attracted to children but it's not something you chose.

Talking to your wife about it in a better way could clarify things, as long as you don't commit any illegal actions.

Sorry to hear about that. Things can get better.

I feel attracted to the images and chatting about kids, but in person I have no desire to do anything and I don't like hearing about children being hurt in any way. I have committed illegal actions by looking at the pictures even though the children were not engaged in any sexual acts. No matter the illegal part of it, I have lied to my wife about doing it and done it without her knowledge. I have always had a very strong stance that children should not be hurt in any way, sexual or not and now that this has come to light she feels she doesn't really know me or can trust me anymore.

-- Thu Nov 27, 2014 2:12 pm --

rainbowstar wrote:Okay. Sounds like you're really bummed out about your family breaking up and you are interpreting this at the moment as being your fault.

No point living in denial. Now what's next? You're going to look for some reputable support group and/or a competent counselor (not a psychologist). You're going to build and rebuild your social network. Have you spoken with your lawyer? It's important that you get a fair settlement.

It's common to blame ourselves, or to blame the other when we receive a hard to hear message. I don't think you are an ogre, and neither is your wife. We always peruse our human needs. That is why we do this or that. Can you think of what needs your wife is attending to? And what needs are most alive in you at the moment? It's much easier to feel empathy as opposed to blame when we consider the needs that are underlying ours and others' actions.

Needs list: http://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventory

Any idea where I would find such a group or therapist? I don't have insurance to pay for the services, so hopefully I could find a non-profit group or ministry based.

Correct me if I'm wrong.....you're saying that you are only attracted to pictures of children and like chatting about them, right? So you don't look at them in real life?

Anyway, you sound like a good person. You just wanted to avoid hurting your wife, so you probably felt like lying was the best option. However, it is crucial in a relationship to be honest to each other.

Try to get her trust back by showing the best side of you. Make her understand that you can't help the attraction, but you're not going to hurt any child.