Lost my marriage to BDSM

The risk with BDSM is when someone does NOT play by the so-called rules.
Case in point it appears is this Canadian celebrity who used it as a cover to satisfy his
desire to overpower and be violent towards women. He has now been charged.
He claims it was consensual and just rough sex. NOT!
See http://globalnews.ca/news/1693322/jian- ... l-assault/

Turns out he has a history of sexually assaulting women and men which goes back to his university days. It finally caught up to him. He certainly gives BDSM a bad name!

Exactly, that is the only risk. Otherwise it's sane, safe and consensual (for the most part), then there is a rougher version called RACK (risk aware consensual kink). See how the word consensual always shows up in the BDSM community.

To the OP, I am very sorry to hear what you and your husband went through together. It sounds like there were problems on both sides. You not being able to orgasm indicates there was something majorly lacking for you in the relationship, be it emotional, physical or both. And it seems your husbands issues were deeper than just a desire for BDSM. If he wasn't happy playing out his fantasies with you and felt he HAD to find someone online then he was either using his desire for BDSM as an excuse to ignore other issues in the relationship, or he really does have an unhealthy fixation BDSM. If you can get him to go to couple's counseling that may help but it sounds like he may have already made up his mind. As a parent I personally would not want him to have shared custody of the kids unless he was willing to seek therapy since it seems like he has some very unhealthy control issues that may only get worse if he does leave and get into the BDSM lifestyle 24/7.

And to others in general I wanted to just say that as someone who is into BDSM I know it's not always an unhealthy thing to be into, unfortunately some people just take it too far and put their desires above the health and wellbeing of others around them. It is possible to have fetishes and have healthy relationships but if you are letting your sexual desires ruin your marriage then clearly something is wrong.