Lost my marriage to BDSM

The fusion of sex and power is one of the perversions of patriarchy and capitalism. Sexual expression is one thing: it's a universal human need. Power relationships are fundamentally inhuman and are not necessary, they are a side-product of the gangland political system humans have been forced to live under since the Neolithic or earlier. The desire to have power over others, to be controlled, or to hurt and be hurt are ego defects, unfortunately rampant across civilization and are equally odious whether they occur in the context of war, work places, school yard bullying, or sex life.

There is nothing about this, save the concept of sexual expression being a human need, that I understand, much less believe in. With all due respect, it's incoherent, rambling, displaced and incorrect within the paradigm of my earlier post.

Using the term power in relation to patriarchy and capitalism, perversion, and calling it all inhuman, Neolithic? You mean 10,000 BC, when we started dating this time frame? Really?

The fusion of sex and power is one of the perversions of patriarchy and capitalism. Sexual expression is one thing: it's a universal human need. Power relationships are fundamentally inhuman and are not necessary, they are a side-product of the gangland political system humans have been forced to live under since the Neolithic or earlier. The desire to have power over others, to be controlled, or to hurt and be hurt are ego defects, unfortunately rampant across civilization and are equally odious whether they occur in the context of war, work places, school yard bullying, or sex life.

There is nothing about this, save the concept of sexual expression being a human need, that I understand, much less believe in. With all due respect, it's incoherent, rambling, displaced and incorrect within the paradigm of my earlier post.

Because you do not understand does not necessarily mean that what I wrote to you is incoherent or incorrect; it could also mean that you are not very well read...

I have no idea why you think I am not well read. We have never met, exchanged lives, stories. Talked. You have no clue who I am nor I you. Are you in charge of the concept "well read"?

Re the Neolithic patriarchal " power" era. I urge you to read " When God Was a Woman", by Merlin Stone, who points out most of the know world was matriarchal from at least 15,000 bc, until the northern invaders came , about 4000 bc, and gave rise to modern Christianity, Islam, Judaism.

I also invite you to spend some time with Max Dashu, at her website. I have met her, she is someone "well read', and would hopefully open your mind.

http://suppressedhistories.net/

mrms99 wrote:I have no idea why you think I am not well read. We have never met, exchanged lives, stories. Talked. You have no clue who I am nor I you. Are you in charge of the concept "well read"?

Re the Neolithic patriarchal " power" era. I urge you to read " When God Was a Woman", by Merlin Stone, who points out most of the know world was matriarchal from at least 15,000 bc, until the northern invaders came , about 4000 bc, and gave rise to modern Christianity, Islam, Judaism.

I also invite you to spend some time with Max Dashu, at her website. I have met her, she is someone "well read', and would hopefully open your mind.

http://suppressedhistories.net/

Good. Then it sounds like you are in a position to understand what I meant by writing to you,

"The fusion of sex and power is one of the perversions of patriarchy and capitalism. Sexual expression is one thing: it's a universal human need. Power relationships are fundamentally inhuman and are not necessary, they are a side-product of the gangland political system humans have been forced to live under since the Neolithic or earlier. The desire to have power over others, to be controlled, or to hurt and be hurt are ego defects, unfortunately rampant across civilization and are equally odious whether they occur in the context of war, work places, school yard bullying, or sex life."

I don't understand at all. This thread was started by a woman who wished to discuss her recently collapsed marriage and its relation to sex. When did capitalism join the discussion? In the words of The Dude, "What does any of this have to do with Vietnam [or capitalism]?"

It has nothing to do with it.

Rainbowstar feels that BDSM is inherently bad, and the power exchange is patriarchal and erodes human dignity. A perversion,. he/she called it.

I on the other hand, pointed out that the marriage was more hurt by the deception and manipulation of the husband, rather than the BDSM itself. I also pointed out that I had spent a number of years involved with it, and it no more perverse than anything other sexual fetish/paraphilia/desire you can name.

Using the terms perversion, inhuman, ego defects, etc, help no one and miss the point of the thread. This poor woman was upset, and needed help and advice.

Understand that BDSM is about CONSENSUAL power exchange. Everyone leaves with dignity intact because everyone agrees to the rules beforehand, and is happy to have their desire not just accepted, but satisfied as well.

Not a hell of a lot of people in this forum are as lucky.

mrms99 wrote:Rainbowstar feels that BDSM is inherently bad, and the power exchange is patriarchal and erodes human dignity.

That's right.

Understand that BDSM is about CONSENSUAL power exchange. Everyone leaves with dignity intact because everyone agrees to the rules beforehand

That fact that something is legally consensual does not make it right, and the fact that something does not meet the standards of of legal consent does not necessarily make it wrong. Think about pistol dueling.

rainbowstar wrote:I'm very open minded about sexual matters, but BDSM and sadomasochism is something I do not think very well of. Be thankful about getting away from this guy. He has something like an addiction going on, an addiction to putting people down and hurting people; obviously not something you would want to be around. Everyone is good at heart, but if someone has a noxious virus in their personality and is not willing to try and get some help then of course you won't want to be there. Good luck for you getting your life rebuilt now that you're moving on.

rainbowstar, BDSM is entirely based on consent. Judging it by saying that it's some kibd of really bad thing is not supportive at all. So please....

It sounds like your husband has a porn addiction. I don't think BDSM is the problem here.
Have you tried to actually talk to him about this and offer help? It sounds like you bothbare going through a rough time.

To other people who posted on the thread, this should not be the place to discuss about capitalism or going off-topic. She needs support so let's all be supportive.

As I understand it, BDSM is about role-playing, and creating a dom/sub situation. The participants have a pre-agreed 'safe word' that they can use to bring the whole thing to a halt if it goes too far.

It's not often I see eye to eye with Rainbowstar, but I think the OP is better off without this fella. It's definitely not for everybody.

I just hope they can patch things up enough to be good, co-operative parents for their kids.

Yes Graveyard, the participants choose a safe word so, especially to protect the sub.
It is an entirely consensual way of having sex.

Regarding rainbowstar, I agree. Rainbow, try to moderate yourselr pleasem