Defeated pedophilia, back to normal, want to help.

Hi, I'm Marcell, 23 years old. I was fighting with my attraction for a long time. I was attracted to girls and boys about 2-12 years old. It started when I was 15 years old, and lasted until 22. I got back to normal about 6 months ago, thanks to a help of another person who have overcame the same issue. We talked about the role of the ego, and the similarities in our past, in our childhood. So here is the thing:

First things first, let me clarify some terms I use. There is the ego. By that, I don't mean confidence, but the part of your mind that cares about how others see you. And that is what I needed to kill (actually I only had to weaken it a little, no big deal), cuz it's connected to pedophilia (not 100% sure why). Look at the children, they do all kinds of things without caring about how they look, That's how we basically are. So doing what you like, not care about how others see you (this does not mean selfishness, that's entirely different), and the pedophilic attraction might ease. So, along with focusing on that, I also reviewed a part of my past.

When I was a child (in school), I was always an outcast, so my ego was very strong. I tried desperately to be 'cool', even to the point where I was almost like a "lap dog", meaning that I was all for just being accepted. And then it got to sexual things, I thought; I believed that I needed to be dirty, kinky with my peers, to look "cool" I believed that I had to be sexually attracted to girls of my age (note that this was still in elementary school, when I way less than 10 years old), I thought had to find them 'hot', but kids can't genuinely feel that, so I faked it.

So currently, for 6 months now, I can't be attracted to children, even if I want to, and what I appreciate are mature feminine shapes (not the anorexic type, but healthy, well-defined curves), but also inside matters more, and I like the mature ones from that too.

My question is that how can I help to spread the word, give awareness, and help other people to overcome this too?

Your childhood sounds similar to mine minus the kinky sexual stuff. I was always trying too hard to fit in. I conformed too much to whatever would make me seem cool to my peers.

I can see what you are saying. I don't think pedophilia is a true sexual orientation. I think it is maybe a secondary orientation that is the result of the ego's defense mechanisms. Maybe a reaction formation? If we can solve the underlying issues that caused us to steer towards children, then I think it is very possible to regain the hold on our true sexual orientation. I'm skeptical about making the pedophilic attractions going away completely, but I won't dismiss the idea.

Wow... reading about your childhood felt like I was reading about myself. Everything from desperately trying to be cool to acting perverted because I thought that's what people found funny. When I was about 10 I legimately had a crush on a girl my age but i got nothing but rejection from her, and girls in general. After that, I had it in my head that no girl could possibly be attracted to me. Eventually, I just completely lost interest in girls. Kids were the only ones that really ever showed me any kind of affection or desire to be around me.

I'm wondering if you could just go a little more in depth about how you were able to become attrcted to girls. I didn't think that was possible. Could I PM you by any chance?

I'm not fighting my attraction, and I don't actually think I ever have. It never occurred to me that fighting my attraction is something I should do. What would be the point of that?

I am who I am, and I'll be damned if I give that up over the kind of violence-backed peer pressure that I bowed to too many times when I was a child myself.

The thing is, I was bullied a lot, but it never materialized into self-hate. I managed to keep the hate right where it belonged, on the human monsters who were threatening me and attacking me.

So now, I'm the most hated thing on the planet. And just like when I was little, I'm not the one with the problem. I'm not the one who has to change. The violent bigots are going to try to break me, same as always, and I see no value in treating their demands as reasonable or well informed.

Not one of us has a problem for finding children attractive. There is no "cure" because this is not a disease.

Congratulations on feeling better. I agree with you 100-percent that working on the ego is so important for almost anyone who isn't feeling mentally well; unfortunately, we don't agree that eliminating pedophilic thoughts and feelings is necessary to feel better and work on our ego. I apologize if that isn't what you were implying, but only that once you had worked on your ego, as a side effect, you noticed that your pedophilia dissolved. Egoic pedophilia is definately unhappy and even dangerous, but maybe not all minor attracted people are unhappy or have an ego defect.

YouthRightsRadical wrote:I'm not fighting my attraction, and I don't actually think I ever have. It never occurred to me that fighting my attraction is something I should do. What would be the point of that?

I am who I am, and I'll be damned if I give that up over the kind of violence-backed peer pressure that I bowed to too many times when I was a child myself.

The thing is, I was bullied a lot, but it never materialized into self-hate. I managed to keep the hate right where it belonged, on the human monsters who were threatening me and attacking me.

So now, I'm the most hated thing on the planet. And just like when I was little, I'm not the one with the problem. I'm not the one who has to change. The violent bigots are going to try to break me, same as always, and I see no value in treating their demands as reasonable or well informed.

Not one of us has a problem for finding children attractive. There is no "cure" because this is not a disease.

Then why don't you come out and tell us your real name instead of being an armchair general? You are such a poser. You remind me of that internet tough guy meme. The reality is that you are not as important as you think you are.

-- Thu Nov 13, 2014 9:47 pm --

Gwenvar wrote:Hi, I'm Marcell, 23 years old. I was fighting with my attraction for a long time. I was attracted to girls and boys about 2-12 years old. It started when I was 15 years old, and lasted until 22. I got back to normal about 6 months ago, thanks to a help of another person who have overcame the same issue. We talked about the role of the ego, and the similarities in our past, in our childhood. So here is the thing:

First things first, let me clarify some terms I use. There is the ego. By that, I don't mean confidence, but the part of your mind that cares about how others see you. And that is what I needed to kill (actually I only had to weaken it a little, no big deal), cuz it's connected to pedophilia (not 100% sure why). Look at the children, they do all kinds of things without caring about how they look, That's how we basically are. So doing what you like, not care about how others see you (this does not mean selfishness, that's entirely different), and the pedophilic attraction might ease. So, along with focusing on that, I also reviewed a part of my past.

When I was a child (in school), I was always an outcast, so my ego was very strong. I tried desperately to be 'cool', even to the point where I was almost like a "lap dog", meaning that I was all for just being accepted. And then it got to sexual things, I thought; I believed that I needed to be dirty, kinky with my peers, to look "cool" I believed that I had to be sexually attracted to girls of my age (note that this was still in elementary school, when I way less than 10 years old), I thought had to find them 'hot', but kids can't genuinely feel that, so I faked it.

So currently, for 6 months now, I can't be attracted to children, even if I want to, and what I appreciate are mature feminine shapes (not the anorexic type, but healthy, well-defined curves), but also inside matters more, and I like the mature ones from that too.

My question is that how can I help to spread the word, give awareness, and help other people to overcome this too?

Yeah, I don't think you were a pedophile. I think you substituted boys and girls when you couldn't get women your own age. It's like all those 'straight' men on craigslist looking for men to hookup with because their wives and girlfriends won't give it up.

jmorgan wrote:Then why don't you come out and tell us your real name instead of being an armchair general? You are such a poser. You remind me of that internet tough guy meme. The reality is that you are not as important as you think you are.

What part of "I see no value in treating their demands as reasonable" did you not understand, dipshit?

jmorgan wrote:

YouthRightsRadical wrote:I'm not fighting my attraction, and I don't actually think I ever have. It never occurred to me that fighting my attraction is something I should do. What would be the point of that?

I am who I am, and I'll be damned if I give that up over the kind of violence-backed peer pressure that I bowed to too many times when I was a child myself.

The thing is, I was bullied a lot, but it never materialized into self-hate. I managed to keep the hate right where it belonged, on the human monsters who were threatening me and attacking me.

So now, I'm the most hated thing on the planet. And just like when I was little, I'm not the one with the problem. I'm not the one who has to change. The violent bigots are going to try to break me, same as always, and I see no value in treating their demands as reasonable or well informed.

Not one of us has a problem for finding children attractive. There is no "cure" because this is not a disease.

Then why don't you come out and tell us your real name instead of being an armchair general? You are such a poser. You remind me of that internet tough guy meme. The reality is that you are not as important as you think you are.

I'd just like to point out that even if there was a good reason for him to do that, his name wouldn't be visible for very long because of Psychforums's anonymity policy, so there's no point.

I'm tempted to take YouthRightsRadical's side. I also think there's no problem in finding children, or any other creature, attractive. It's all up to a person's common sense to not act upon this attraction because of a multitude of reasons, one important reason being: your peepee won't fit

Anyway, this is getting close to breaking one of the forum's rules, that being normalizing pedophilia. I believe you broke enough rules already (-name calling and being disrespectful)

HoryLeo wrote:Anyway, this is getting close to breaking one of the forum's rules, that being normalizing pedophilia. I believe you broke enough rules already (-name calling and being disrespectful)

I think that's an old rule from the days when the lady with the cat avatar and an abuse story used to moderate this index. DSM5 delisted pedophilia from it's index of mental disorders last year. Pedophilia is now a normal and healthy form of sexual expression.