Asperger's and Pedophilia??

shock_the_monkey wrote:

YouthRightsRadical wrote:

shock_the_monkey wrote:there is NO differentiation between those that do and those that do not sexually abuse children. they are both sexually attracted to children and therefore both paedophiles.

That is wrong. The overwhelming majority of child molesters, roughly 90% aren't sexually attracted to children.

Here, let me provide some math, not really for the willfully ignorant like yourself, but for anyone who's reading this thread honestly:

... nicely taken completely out of context. i did not say that all people that sexually abuse children are paedophiles. i said some paedophiles do sexually abuse children and some do not. so, stop pretending that i am being wilfully ignorant when it is you that is twisting everything to suit your own purposes.

You're not paying attention. I'm explaining to you (or more accurately to people willing to listen which doesn't seem to actually include you) that child molesters, on the whole, are not attracted to children, and that your characterizing them as such is inaccurate and serves only to keep up your asinine conflation of pedophiles and child molesters. There is a major distinction both ways, with only a minimal overlap in either direction.

shock_the_monkey wrote:and if you do not understand that, perhaps you will understand this ...

Some sources report that most offenders who have sexually abused a prepubescent child are pedophiles,[19] but some offenders who have sexually abused a prepubescent child do not meet the clinical diagnosis standards for pedophilia.[20][21]

... in other words, some do. QED.

I'm going to take a shot in the dark and guess that [19] can be traced back to the fraudulent research of Gene Able, who used nonstandard definitions in his analysis in order to exadurate the incidence of pedophilia in child molester samples in order to shill his inaccurate pedophile detector to law enforcement agencies.

For more details, I've provided a more thorough writeup of this fraud:
http://youthrightsradical.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-worthless-dr-abel.html

shock_the_monkey wrote:and absolutely nothing that you say will ever be likely to change the fact that, as far as most people are concerned, paedophilia is synonymous with child sexual abuse.

Most people are idiots. I'm aware of this.

shock_the_monkey wrote:and getting back to my original point, which you keep conveniently overlooking, i would not wish to label anyone a paedophile unless they were guilty of child sexual abuse, precisely because of that fact.

I'm not overlooking your point. I disagree with your point and have gone to some lengths to explain why you're terribly misguided.

shock_the_monkey wrote:so, stop being so pretentious.

No.

shock_the_monkey wrote:stop denying reality.

One of us is denying reality, and it's not me.

shock_the_monkey wrote:and stop wrongfully insulting people too.

My insults are rightful insults and you know it.

shock_the_monkey wrote:and try reading the bit where i paraphrase Elizabeth I again. i do not care about anyone's sexuality. it is their business, not mine. but no one is going to tell me that that black is white. and to try to deny that people in general have a particular perception of the term 'paedophile' is nothing but absurd.

You really haven't been paying attention to what anyone here has been explaining to you, have you?

FACT: no JK JK I'm just J-playin about that fact $#%^. I mean no ill will towards anybody, this is my disclaimer before I give my opinion(which is the loosely based in personal opinionated fact godammit) The fact of the matter is that as pedophiles it is one of the simplest but most important aspects of our struggle in the USA that people do not use the term pedophile to describe a child molester, instead say child molester please, let me explain. Although a few offenders are pedophiles, the 'reality' (whatever that means) is that it is a term we use to describe our sexual identity. It's important to correct people using the term in any other way because we are struggling to gain understanding in society, not only to fulfill the need to feel understood in general but also because understanding and tolerance will make it easier for us/we pedophiles and/or paedophiles to seek help through mental health treatment services, which are at this time largely unavailable to pedophiles who are not convicted of a sexual offense because of the stigma attached to pedophilia, and part of that is the misuse and misunderstanding of the word pedophile itself. It is imperative that we correct people when they use the term pedophile to mean anything other then a person who has an attraction to children, for the sake of our mental health and well being because god knows we are some wild ###$... So even if in the past you have used the term to mean a child molester, we would really appreciate any sympathy you could spare(because god knows we have a hard time coming by that great sympathy stuff) by using the correct terms to describe whichever wild ass mofo you are describing and such and such blah blah am I just stating the obvious? I am joking around but I am not trying to be mean whatsoever, I have good tidings for everyone regardless of what was said or who feels what. It undermines our struggle to choose not to after becoming educated on the subject, and undermining our struggle is harmful to us and therefore potentially harmful to children if you are considering the mental health treatment aspect.... IDK. Please just be kind, we are so appreciative of kindness because we tend to expect to be hated by most people. Keep it real yo, peace

shock_the_monkey wrote:and absolutely nothing that you say will ever be likely to change the fact that, as far as most people are concerned, paedophilia is synonymous with child sexual abuse. and getting back to my original point, which you keep conveniently overlooking, i would not wish to label anyone a paedophile unless they were guilty of child sexual abuse, precisely because of that fact.

Shock, I see that you have some trouble putting yourself in the shoes of other people. Please understand that what you are saying is horribly offensive to most of us. I understand that you mean well in your original response to OP stating that you would rather not stigmatize this non-offending man's desires by calling him a pedophile, but in doing so you are embracing bigotry towards our sexuality. It is the equivalent of refusing to call a Jew a Jew because he is not a thieving lying scumbag during a time period where it was thought that all Jews were like that.

Hello there. I am an 18-year-old girl with Aspergers, and I have an attraction to 13/14 year old boys. Like your friend, I would not do anything inappropriate with a child, as I know it is wrong. I know the age gap between your friend and the girls he is attracted to is larger than the age gap between me and the boys I am attracted to, but I think our situations may be similar. For me, I think my attraction arises simply due to a level of immaturity that results from my Aspergers. I often view younger people as my peers, as I relate to them better, and it is common for children and adults to have crushes on and be attracted to their peers. I do not know if "pedophilia" is the way I would describe your friend's situation. He is a grown man who is attracted to prepubescent and pubescent girls, which by definition matches that of a pedophile/hebephile, but as you said, for him it is a bit more complex. I often believe that in ways my brain is underdeveloped, which leads to these attractions to younger people, and I think that may be the case with your friend as well. Perhaps in certain areas of his brain, such as the area at leads to his attraction, he is a young boy, and if you look at it that way, he would be a young boy who is attracted to young girls, which is quite normal. I do not know if this is actual the case with Aspergers, and I have not had much luck finding any information on the relationship between Aspergers and pedophilia, but going off of my own experience, this is my theory.
As long as it seems that your friend would not actually hurt a child, I would not be too concerned at the moment. I would start by talking to him about. He may like having someone reaching out to him about this. Ask him how he views his attraction, and why he thinks he is attracted to young girls. Keep in mind that attraction itself is quite harmless. It is when they are acted on that it can become dangerous.

I don't know if you're still reading here, DeepThinks. I think I might be about to ask something more offensive than anything yet posted. I don't mean to dig at you though.

You mentioned that you are in love with this man. Is some of your desire to find a "rational answer" based in his apparent non attraction to you? Could that be biasing your interpretation of his behaviour at all?

DeepThinks wrote:I am very concerned that my best friend who I'm in love with might be a pedophile...

Here's something for your partner, a post I made for another person about this issue:

post1557980.html#p1557980

In case the OP is still reading this thread, I would like to respond, because I've been through something similar, from the other side. I have a similar preference for innocent and playful girls and had a friendship with a woman with a difficult childhood who felt that we understood each other very well, yet wondered why I wasn't attracted to her.

First, it seems that your post comes from a place of wondering why you are not "good enough" for him to be attracted to you. For whatever reason, the thought that it might have to do with you coming across as too adult and developed bothers you more than if it were because of your weight. But in any case, it is very, very common for people to have some people (of the gender to which they are attracted) that they want to be friends with yet do not have any romantic attraction toward. In fact, the majority of women I've been attracted to have seen me this way. I know that being "friend-zoned" can prompt searching for what went "wrong", but it just IS, and neither Aspergers nor pedophilia have anything inherently to do with this.

Secondly, what he needs, desperately, is a therapist who can help steer him in the right direction to find women who are innocent and playful, so that he can find a healthy outlet for his attraction. Even finding other adult males who are at his level of emotional development could be a godsend for him, as he can learn some of the friendship skills he missed out on. Such understanding therapists exist, and I have had the good fortune of working with two of them--though one I doubt had the experience to be of much help. In addition to helping him find outlets, a good therapist can also help keep his mental health propped up in the mean time. In fact, there may be a connection between these--it's possible that depression and despair actively work against someone meeting those women who have the youthful qualities he is attracted to. A bad therapist, on the other hand, can be very damaging to mental health, something I know from experience.

As for your friendship, it does seem that you are coming from different places. He seems to be grateful that he has someone to vent to about his "secret", and you seem to have a lingering hope that he will like you romantically. I also wouldn't be surprised if some part of him worries that someone like you is the closest he will ever get to what he really wants in a woman. From my experience, and others I have talked to like myself, being in his position there is some mysterious force in the universe that seems to draws women with troubled childhoods to us, while the innocent, playful types either don't show up or "friend-zone" us. This has led me to treat some women worse than I should have, because it seemed they seemed to be "part of the problem".

This doesn't mean his friendship with you isn't "real"--he probably does understand you, and may pity your negative past experiences. But in order for it to remain strong, it seems both of you need to find romantic prospects elsewhere. It's important to realize that for him, while it may be important for a lover to look young, it's possibly even more important that she ACT young--your use of terms like "innocent" and "playful" seems to support this. And this doesn't mean that she suck her thumb and talk using "dumb baby words". It means showing a sense of curiosity and wonder that is appropriate for someone his mental age, and a sexuality that matches. While I don't know your personality, I do know that the full-figured women I met have almost never been hyperactive, a trait that goes hand in hand with those childlike traits. You deserve a romantic partner who can appreciate you for you, not for who he wishes you were!

Actually, I kind of take that back about the full-figuredness and lack of childlike excitement. That was probably unnecessary stereotyping. But it's still the case that there's a certain "type" I've noticed among people with childhood troubles/traumas that tends to involve, I don't know how to best put it, "hyper-inhibition"? Whereas childhood/adolescent romance is kind of the opposite, seeing the excitement in everything.

I too have aspergers, and I'll say this. I believe that for someone with aspergers to have a fetish of some kind or to be into anime girls and things like that is completely normal (I know many people into anime girls and stuff). However if he's flirting with someone who is underaged, I would definitely question it, however don't confuse that with just being social. I think his interests are fine, but if you think he's flirting with someone underaged, you may want to question that. That's not an asperger's problem, that's a personal problem. Just thought I'd share my opinion. Take care.