Just let absolutely everything in my life out.

To a room of about 10 people my offence, my life, my fears, my worries basically everything.

It is part of the course the court imposed on me but whilst it was terryfying it feels like a big relief to finally let it all out even though I have a lot of it out here but in real life it has really opened my eye big style.

It is OK to be vulnerable in the right setting and let it all out.

Just felt like sharing. Today is actually a good day lol well ended certainly better than it started.

Congratulations, and well done for being brave and speaking about everything. I truly believe that if society were less hysterical about paedophilia there would be more opportunities for rational, unjudgemental support, which would reduce offences and help people to live balanced, fulfilling lives in spite of their attractions. Do you feel you would have benefited from opportunities to talk prior to your offence?

ctithe wrote:Congratulations, and well done for being brave and speaking about everything.Do you feel you would have benefited from opportunities to talk prior to your offence?

It was extremely hard even knowing the other people there were all there as well for similar or the same offence. But I did it and answered some really personal questions that I have never spoken to even my closest friends about before. I did not intend to disclose everything I did it just happened.

Had I have been able to confide in someone about the thoughts and feelings I had at the time then they would have made me see sense and stop it a long time ago so yes I do think I would have been in a much better place if had been able to tell someone a long time ago, that person being my Mum.

Currently we are working on this in my group work that the court imposed on me.

Thoughts
create a
Feeling
and then what follows is
Behaviour.

If we can change those thoughts then the feelings we experience will be different and that will lead on to a different behaviour.

It seems to make total sense as nearly everyone in the group has already started identifying what was wrong in each of our lives that caused us each personal distress and difficulties that may not be directly linked to our behaviour but may or may not have played a part in the behaviour we acted out.

I am learning a lot even in the first few days of this course, more than I thought I would have got out of it to be honest. To have strangers say you were courageous and brave and it was emotional and sound like they truly meant it it means a heck of a lot.

So yeah there you go peeps.

airwolffan wrote:But I did it and answered some really personal questions that I have never spoken to even my closest friends about before. I did not intend to disclose everything I did it just happened.

It can be like the floodgates opening. I remember the first few times I came out to people (girlfriend, close friends). That was scary. And once the basic information was out then I suddenly felt an immense sense of release, and with their acceptance of me I realised not only that I could be myself (with the requisite public discretion) but that I felt a sense of entitlement. In short, I feel that anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am is wrong.

airwolffan wrote:Had I have been able to confide in someone about the thoughts and feelings I had at the time then they would have made me see sense and stop it a long time ago so yes I do think I would have been in a much better place if had been able to tell someone a long time ago, that person being my Mum.

That is a shame. I hope ^this gets read by people in the 'establishment' (be that the therapy industry or government) and that they realize harm could be prevented if they work on changing the culture that denies MAPs proper treatment opportunities.

airwolffan wrote:Thoughts
create a
Feeling
and then what follows is
Behaviour.

If we can change those thoughts then the feelings we experience will be different and that will lead on to a different behaviour.

This is the fundamental perspective of cognitive behavioural therapy. It can be very effective.

airwolffan wrote:It seems to make total sense as nearly everyone in the group has already started identifying what was wrong in each of our lives that caused us each personal distress and difficulties that may not be directly linked to our behaviour but may or may not have played a part in the behaviour we acted out.

I am learning a lot even in the first few days of this course, more than I thought I would have got out of it to be honest. To have strangers say you were courageous and brave and it was emotional and sound like they truly meant it it means a heck of a lot.

So yeah there you go peeps.

It sounds tremendously positive so far. Also, I get the impression that the biggest boon is that you feel like you're being treated as an individual rather than reduced to the bogeyman figure the tabloids would reduce you to. Despite whatever it is you have done, and despite your sexuality (which you've bottled up all your life), you are being listened to and shown respect, and people are taking your experiences and worries and triggers seriously. It can be a very 'humanizing' experience.

I had to do much the same type of course myself a few years ago and it was tremendously cathartic to be able to just talk about it and really be honest for the first time, I welcomed the questions and wanted more, it helped me immensely and made up my mind that I will no longer live a lie, so if a random person stops you in the UK and blurts out that he is a non contact pedophile....it was me

I'm glad that it is helping you, don't take too many steps back to appreciate it and then forget it happened, always remember not everybody will judge you a monster, there are people willing to give you a chance in life, generally they are the people who do not know you yet and have not formed an opinion about you at all.

Take care of yourself first and foremost.

Thanks guy's it was really hard and I did get a bit upset about certain things and had a little cry in front of 7 other grown men woops. But you know what it is OK to cry once in a while, it really helped that they saw all of me not just one part and they empathised with me and didn't judge me the same as I did not do to them.

As I said I never intended to talk about so many of my personal feelings and still can't believe when asked if I was sexually active and whether I had had relationships in my life I just blurted out "no" that really is a big dent to a guys ego to admit that to a room of men.

But yeah onwards and upwards I wonder what this week will bring.

That must feel like a big weight off of you.

Crying is a release valve, and there's absolutely no shame in it at all. Anyone who believes men shouldn't cry is a bloody idiot.

Graveyard76 wrote:That must feel like a big weight off of you.

Crying is a release valve, and there's absolutely no shame in it at all. Anyone who believes men shouldn't cry is a bloody idiot.

It did feel like a big relief to be honest.
The biggest problem with the course is it assumes all offenders do things for the same reason for example forcing someone against their will which I would never do but it opens my mind to other possibilities or where I could have progressed onto had it not all come out in the wash.

But I am now seeing the links between giving yourself permission to do something can eventually lead to you offending against a person in real life even when you know you would not.

The biggest link for me is the emotional needs that were not being met for.me and used it to fulfill those needs.

I agree, my time on the course came at the lowest point in my life ever, I was jobless, friendless and had just suffered a bereavement and would suffer another two, weeks after the course ended, but I did break down and cry and did go into far more detail than I had ever imagined possible.

This was a massive surprise to me as I had voiced massive unhappiness at the idea of going on the course with people who had raped, or molested or offered their children up to others, I thought they were genuine scum and part of me still does (I know I'm a hypocrite) but I did get to understand how easy it had been for them to slip off their own moral path.

I have never wavered in my belief that to actually act on it is morally reprehensible, but I do now understand why some do.