Advice Needed ::

As some of you may know that not only am I a pedophile but also a nepiophile and ever fewer know how bad and dark things can get with me but what I would like to ask is do you have any advice on how to approach this subject and tell my family and if you have told someone what was that experience like for you and more importantly would you recommend it.

Things get a little complicated now because my dad was abused physically and sexually when he was at school and while he made peace with that he was dragged into a historical abuse case a year or so back and it is still going on, so you can imagine to complication there.

My family are easy going and are most often than not willing to hear people out but I am not sure. I feel that I owe it to them that they know and not sure if it will help me because one part says I want someone to talk to person to person but I also don't think I could look my family in the eye's. Some of you know I am bed bound and today I went into the living room just to escape for a few hours and the television was on, I found myself screaming inside my own head but that's a different story for a different time but it was just me and dad but I could not look at him eye to eye because of who I am.

I don't really know quite what answer I am asking for, I just feel I owe them the truth, owe my dad the truth.

Tulula.

It's a difficult question for anyone to answer only you really know your parents well enough.

What I can say is my parents have both been so brilliant to me, especially after the fact I found out from a letter my mum wrote to the judge for me stating she had been abused by a male relative from the age of around 5 until her teens, and even though she has been on medication her whole life mainly due to that still loves me and cares for me knowing that even thinking about probably brings back horrible memories for her.

All i can say is how shocked and upset it made me feel knowing that and that she never told us about it and the person responsible was never brought to justice either, she is heck of a lot stronger person than I ever imagined she was.

So I guess it can work out but you have to be sure it is what you want to do and think they can handle it, but also you must be prepared that if they can't handle it you may lose them also.

Hi, Tulula.

Do you really owe them the 'truth'?

Sometimes the truth can do more harm than good, and this feeling about not being able to look them in the eyes... I'd err on the side of trusting your instincts on that.

I fully understand the need/want to talk openly about your paraphilia, to bear your soul to someone. These things are a big burden to keep to yourself, and there's going to be times for us all when we want to be seen for what we really are, rather than what we pretend to be to make ourselves acceptable.

When you tell people, that's it. You can't ever take it back, so just be very, very careful.

Last year, I told my friends about my paraphilia (necrophilia) when in a drunken state, and I'd take it back now if I could. It's since gone right around the community, and I'm aware of a lot of hostility that's not necessarily to my face.

You might feel sometimes that it's better to be known as you really are, rather than live behind an acceptable mask, but when all's said and done, your sexuality is your own business, and you don't owe anyone an explanation that might cause them to look at you through a different mask, ie; one created entirely by their prejudices.

I would also agree with Graveyard, why do you owe it to them to tell them?

My parents would be none the wiser had I not been arrested and I most likely would have kept it that way. It can and does change things even when people know you truthfully and what you are capable of or not as the case may be.

Thank you to the both of you for replying, I just wish a lot of the time there was someone I could physically see talk to not that you and everyone else on here don't talk to me, just sometimes having that person there helps.

I can't explain why I feel I owe them the truth about me, I just feel that I do, it sounds so stupid I know, maybe its because what my dad went through I don't know.

Id like to have some people I can count on for support for the bad days like today that I can go to and just get things of my chest but at the same time I don't want to put anyone in a position where they have to listen to the things that are in my head.

Its great that your parent Airwolffan are so supportive, it must help you no end when you need them and it is horrible what your mum went through without telling anyone but it must have made you feel better in yourself knowing that even though your mum went through that, she still loves and supports you. To be honest it probably made her feel a bit better knowing we are not all like that.

Graveyard76 that is horrible that even though you where drunk its was still something that was not easy to come out with. Nobody has the right to spread and share that around. Its horrible that at times like that you find out who your real friends are and I guess the saying "A truth that brings a tear or a lie that brings a smile" applies here and maybe you are right. The thought of not being able to rewind scares me more because I rely on my family and friends to live through this, even if they don't know.

Tulula.

Hay bro:

I'm like you. Things get insanely dark in my head also. I told my family, though at different times for each parent, years apart. Neither could grasp it. Do not forget that for people who are not into it, it is so foreign and so beyond their experience that they sometimes can shut down. My mother did...she just said ok, I accept it, but I want to know nothing more. Friends are better, if they can help. Mine did.
Need help, contact me. I been there and there is nothing I can't handle.

Napoleon88 wrote:Hay bro:

I'm like you. Things get insanely dark in my head also. I told my family, though at different times for each parent, years apart. Neither could grasp it. Do not forget that for people who are not into it, it is so foreign and so beyond their experience that they sometimes can shut down. My mother did...she just said ok, I accept it, but I want to know nothing more. Friends are better, if they can help. Mine did.
Need help, contact me. I been there and there is nothing I can't handle.

I do understand that not is it hard to hear but also hard to understand someone in our position, I just fear that I will not get the time to explain so they can understand things better. I do have friends I can trust completely and openly but again the fear is there I will not get the opportunity to explain everything. It is great to know that I am not the only one who's mind can get dark, it is not something that is easy to admit to. I will take you up on that offer, I am still getting things together in my head, life and thoughts so I could use all the support I can get, thank you.

Tulula.

Heyy tululabooo,

I personally think that you should not tell your parents about your pedophelia/nepiophelia. If your dad was really hurt that much from being molested for all those years (so were both of my parents) i dont think that they should really see the truth: sometimes "ignorance is bliss". however, i do also see how you want to get some weight off your chest. i was really depressed for a little while and while i was on one of those hard candy chats i met a dude on torchat. yes, we exchanged some photos and videos and stuff but i really started to form a friendship with this guy. whenever i feel really down about my interests, i talk to him and he helps me through the rough parts and i *try* to do the same for him. im just throwing this out there because it really helped me and i feel overall less stress from it all now that i have a friend with the same 'demon' inside them that can share my concerns. i also have that feeling that i owe them the truth.. but i honestly think that they shouldent be put through the stress and feelings of failure because their own son is a pedophile and i believe i do owe my parents hapiness - they shouldent have to suffer with me.. i suffer by myself.

I am not a pedophile and usually encourage being open about who you are.
However, in your case, I'm not so sure. Some questions you can ask yourself
to help you decide:

Would my parents want to know?
Would it be a burden that would crush them?
Who would benefit?
Would it create a tension that would make your lives miserable?
What do I hope to gain, and how will I feel if I don't get the response
I hope for?

You are right that those of us who do not have this attraction just can't wrap our heads
around it. We are all wounded and broken in some way, yet I'm afraid you will be judged
harshly in people's minds for your wounds because they don't understand them.

Talk to friends you trust about your orientation and struggles. Only a few need know in my
opinion.

Honesty is great...in theory.

You can never take back what will be said. It will be forever out. AND remember people are rubbish at keeping secrets. The only way you can guarantee your secrets, your saftey, and your future, is by telling them nothing.