Pedophiles where do you draw the line with child interaction

So I am hoping to get some responses from older pedophiles who have managed to accept their attractions and be happy with who they are and are just happy in general.

Do you find it easier to avoid children or do you somewhat embrace your attractions and use them to better the lives of children around you?

I am currently an elementary education major but right now I am questioning if that is the right choice. I love to help kids, make them laugh, and generally just be around them. That is why I chose this major. But now I am concerned that maybe the more that I help a child in their life, the more I will want. I have heard that some pedophiles can use their pedophilia as a gift to better the lives of children. But can one do that without becoming obsessed with the child?

I don't want to end up helping a kid so much that I end up longing for more to the point where the child is all I ever think about or something like that. What should I do. Do I need to just stay away from kids or should I embrace this and use it as a way to help kids? Can I do that without being torn up inside?

I've avoided seeking out close relationships with kids. That's partly a function of the fact that I know I couldn't bring myself to lie to them. Over the long term, I don't think I could avoid letting slip that I think their current social position is immensely unfair, and validating their feeling that they deserve greater independence. And it's partly down to not knowing how to say "no" if I were to be propositioned and they argued in terms of their right to make their own choices and choose what risks they take.

Now that said, while I don't seek out such relationships, I'm always happy when I stumble into situations where I can be a positive part of their lives. That includes that time I accidentally ended up an elementary school teacher. (I was applying for a tech support job.) Given the number of kids I had to deal with in that situation, and the need to focus on keeping everyone on task, there wasn't really time to develop a close relationship with any individual, but it was a time I enjoyed immensely.

Likewise, I enjoy the time I get to spend with the younger members of my family, and at reuinions and parties, I enjoy myself far more interacting with the kids than I do the adults most of the time.

I don't think you need to stay away from kids. I do, but that's actually got a whole lot more to do with issues specific to me than I think it does for pedophiles in general.

I am also a pedophile (not a child molester) and have worked closely with children. You definitely do become attached to them, but I don't know that that is necessarily a bad thing. I too have worked in elementary schools; it is hard when they move on, but I also think that I enriched their lives and they most certainly enriched mine. I still occasionally work in schools and with young children. I spend time alone with them, but I don't touch them. I think that MOST pedophiles how the self-control to not do anything that is going to harm a child.

@jimjustjim

You say that you definitely become attached to the kids and it is hard when they move on. Could you possibly elaborate a bit more?

I mean I feel like there are a lot of dedicated and passionate teachers out there that are not pedophiles that would say the same thing (they get attached to the children and it can be hard when they move on). I mean how could it not be hard, especially if its a student that you really helped and became involved with. To some kids, teachers are just teachers, but to other kids teachers can be a lot more to them, especially if the kid is growing up in a tough family situation like without one parent or their parents are alcoholics or something tough like that which would cause the kid to seek adult role models and look up to other adults in their lives.

Anyways, do you think your pedophilia makes a situation like that especially hard for you? Hard enough that maybe it wouldn't be worth it?

I feel like it could be a potentially not so good situation for some pedophiles who have a hard time with self-control. They may know that they are becoming too close or too attached to a certain child, but they wouldn't bother to change anything because of the satisfaction they get from having that relationship. Then when the child moves on it could be devastating. I was reading a post by a member in another thread who described a feeling of being lost after moving on from close relationships he built with some kids at a summer camp. On the contrary if a pedophile has good self-control, then they may recognize when they are becoming too attached and would take a step back.

Do you agree with that? Do you think that maybe its a bit of a slippery slope?

I have done some work with children. In the past I've dated a women that operates a childcare center and I spent a great deal of time helping her out with it. The experience will definitely be different for everyone. You need to be completely honest with yourself about your level of self-control. If you have any doubts about your ability to keep your behaviors in the legal zone, then working with children is probably not a good idea.

For me, I did get attached to some of the kids (beyond just the "professional attachment" that you mentioned), but not to the point to where it was devastating. I never had problems maintaining my self-control. I never had problems moving on when the time came. I kept myself aware of the reality of the situation at all times and I suppose I never allowed myself to get attached enough for it to be a problem. As a result, I almost feel like it was a positive outlet for me. The experience is not going to be the same from person to person though, and honestly the only way for you to know is to try it.

One other thing worth noting is that you may find yourself stigmatized by some parents purely for being a man working with children. It surely varies from place to place, but as resident of the central U.S. I was really surprised by the degree of this problem. Several mothers visiting the daycare expressed concern over the fact that a man would be on the premises at times. One women even stormed out in a fit of rage, claiming that it was unnatural. Keep in mind, I'm not an offender. These women knew nothing about me, other than I was an average guy helping his girlfriend with her daycare. This is hard for any guy I'm sure, but as a pedophile it can be especially hard to come to terms with.

[EDIT] I suppose with that last paragraph I made the assumption that you were a guy without actually having read it anywhere! Sorry if you're not.

The (non-pedophile) passionate teachers that I have known, who have gotten attached to children (in my opinion) still seemed to let go. I think for myself I found myself thinking about them a lot, especially for the first few months after they were gone: wondering what they were doing, if they were doing well, if they thought about me at all. There were even a few that I cried over. I would often fantasize about spending time with them, helping them with things like homework or problems, but also other things as well. I don't know that other (non-pedophile) teachers were really thinking in that way. It just seemed harder for me to move on when they were gone.

I do think that it was the pedophilia that made it harder. Because I did fantasize romantic relationships, as well, and I think that made me feel closer to them. But was it hard enough that it wasn't worth it? Definitely not. It was definitely worth having had them in my life (and, I hope, it was worth it for them, as well).

Strong self-control is imperative. That is true for all pedophiles, but especially those who are working closely with children. I would spend a great deal of time alone with each child and it did test my self-control. If I didn't have the control that I do it may have turned into something that it shouldn't have. You really need to know yourself and what is going on for you and in your life. I have strong self-control, so I don't feel that it was a slippery slope for me. I most definitely did become "too attached" to many of the children. But I think that if you know yourself and can control yourself you still aren't going to take that next step.

One thing that comes to mind is that if you do start to struggle, there's basically nowhere you can go for help or support that won't end your career right then and there. So that's a major consideration. You'll be dealing with any pedophilia related stress completely on your own. Most of us do, but I figured it might be an important consideration to know that you'll have even fewer options than the rest of us. Especially if childcare is your main area of training.

I don't know how different it is in any other profession. If you are a pedophile you are going to face pedophile related stress. You will always come into contact with children, no matter your job. If you act out (and are caught) you will lose your career, no matter what it is: who is going to hire the "pedophile engineer" or the "pedophile architect" or the "pedophile lawyer" (OK, I guess other pedophiles, but what jury is going to acquit for the "pedophile lawyer"?)? You will always have that stress so you best learn to deal with it. Don't hide yourself under a rock, live your life and be what you are meant to be, but don't act on your pedophilic desires.

FWIW, and I don't judge anyone on here for their attractions, I may well have done before but I am more open minded and less judgemental about anyone with a paraphillia now since being here.

But no matter how good an influence you can be as a paedophile in children's life these days it is all about protecting the children because far too many mistakes were made in the past at least here in the UK. Child safety is the most important thing, and if you truly value the safety of children you should limit certain things in your life and that to means working directly with children if you are attracted to them.

I am banned from working for children for life even though I have never touched a child in any sexual way, just because I downloaded CP and yes I know that was bad enough. However I have never wanted to work directly with children, I have had to give up 2 jobs because of my arrest and one because it mean't going into schools even though we always had a member of staff with us and were always in two's.

Not to mention how often we hear of students running away with a teacher they think they are in love with or how many people who work with children are arrested for CP or molestation offences. Working with children is never going to change, more and more safeguarding policies are going to always be put in place and make your life so much harder to deal with, personally I don't think the reward is worth the risk, I am not saying avoid children at all costs but working with kids if you are attracted to them is just asking for trouble in the long run.

Just my opinion on the subject, it is far better to think about both the safety of children and yourself.

When I was dealing with POCD, my options I made for myself were either....

1. Find a way to accept that I'm not a pedophile.
2. Find out for sure if I'm a pedophile, and if I am, change my major.
3. Kill myself.

That third one was what I planned until I finally had the nerve to talk to my best friend and mother about what I was dealing with.

To be clear though, I'm not saying you are going to be pressured into a sex act with a child just because you're a pedophile that is working with them. Adults can be attracted to other adults at work without acting on their impulses, so I think you can too. However, I just couldn't live with the guilt anymore of carrying around that kind of secret that I had been for 8 years. I fortunately was able to accept that I was not a pedophile, but for an actual pedophile, I wish I could see a solution that would not require any major distress in life. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this.