Turning Childhood Sexual Abuse into Paraphilia?[PossibleTW]

From the ages of seven to nine, I was sexually abused by a male family member. (I am female assigned at birth but identify as genderqueer/genderless] I was immediately sent to therapy and, from what I believed, was able to understand that what happened should not have ever happened to me and was not my fault. At the time, I don't recall feeling very changed by this experience. I was not traumatized, did not feel uncomfortable or afraid when I saw said family member at family events. When I think back to it now though, 15 years later, I wonder if perhaps my defense mechanism was to convert a traumatic experience into a paraphilia by sexualizing my abuse.

My abuser, from what I can remember, never touched or fondled me. But I recall suffering from bed wetting for years after, and also discovering masturbation around that same time. It seems kind of young to me, but I guess I wouldn't really know, as I don't typically ask my friends when they started getting themselves off...

I strictly have relationships with women, but prefer women who are more masculine and genderfluid to women who are feminine. I had a string of abusive relationships with feminine women and decided that I prefer the protector type in my partners. When I was 16 or so, I discovered the world of fetishism, bdsm, and kink. I was immediately drawn in. When I was 18, I began exploring my roles in this new world of sorts. At first, I loved everything hardcore and sadistic, but soon found that my true place was in a world known as DDL(G) or sometimes CG/L, or Daddy Dom/Little (Caregiver/Little). I began as a Daddy Dom, having a girlfriend a little bit younger than me who was easily manipulated and quickly fell into place as a submissive. Our relationship fell out after a little over a year of draining over the top sexuality, and after a difficult breakup, I decided to swear off the lifestyle. Not that much later, I met my current partner who I have been with for a bit over a year. I love them to pieces. The thing is, when we started dating, I felt the need to be honest with them and tell them everything that I possibly could. They embraced my need for protection and quickly became my "Daddy/Papa". We live a Daddy Dom/Little lifestyle 24/7. While I know plenty of others who do the same, I wonder if perhaps this is unhealthy and that deep down, I am using this paraphilia as a defense mechanism to counteract the abuse that I suffered as a child. When I first started dating my partner, they were new to the BDSM and fetish world and had to be taught. Now, they embrace their role as my Daddy Dom and wouldn't trade it for the world, but I fear that maybe I've manipulated them into taking something on that they never really enjoyed and subconsciously took on to make me happy. I fear that I've corrupted my sweet and innocent partner with an inner inability to get over my abuse. Many DDLG relationships are non-sexual, but ours is anything but. The greatest sessions include recreating situations similar to my childhood abuse and intensifying them tenfold. I don't want to corrupt the person that I want to marry someday, but I fear that it's too late.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I have also wondered if childhood sexual abuse can cause/drive/alter (pick a word or synonym) a person's sexual orientation or paraphilia.
I know many victims will abuse, continuing the cycle. Is it possible that they are projecting what happened to them; their sexuality and/or paraphilia may not be genuine, but a projection of their trauma, as a defense mechanism?

Right. It seems that a lot of abuse victims will in fact continue the cycle--something that I am grateful I never turned to. When I brought it up to a therapist very briefly, as I was fairly uncomfortable discussing something so intimately private, she suggested that maybe turning to a trusted partner was my way of turning it into a positive experience rather than a negative one. It made sense to me, I think. I was just wondering if maybe there were others who took part in this type of relationship/role dynamic who were victims of abuse.

Insideofmypocket, I think that I have a similar situation. I am a 47 year old man. I had a sexual relationship with an adult man when I was age 8 to 11 1/2 (I am not going to call it abuse because to me it was never abusive; I am not trying to downplay anyone else's experience, just stating my feelings about my own) and now (and for many years, really) I seek out older men to have a sexual relationship with. It is kind of strange (to me) because I consider myself to be straight and also a pedophile (I acted out when I was very young, though not since, but I am still very much attracted to young girls); I am attracted to girls and women. I honestly am not "attracted" to men (I have never looked at a man and though he was "hot" or anything), but I very much enjoy sexual encounters with older men, particularly any that remind me of the adult I was in that relationship with. I am positive that I am "reliving" my childhood experiences. I feel safer and more loved when I am with adult men in a sexual relationship, exactly as I did with the adult I was involved with as a child.