Struggling with pedophilic thoughts & being gay at that...

Hi everyone, new to the forum.

Ok. I'm here to discuss a few things that I've never been able to express to anyone. Just looking for opinions and advice I guess. I'm 17 & I've realized I've been attracted to kids for several years now. The ages vary, but it's mostly (almost exclusively actually) boys. On top of that, I've also started to cope with the fact that I'm probably gay. I remember having crushes on boys as a 6, 7 seven year old. Still isn't easy for me to accept; I haven't even mentioned it to anyone, but that's less of an issue.

I'd never do anything illegal with a child just because I'm scared of ever ever getting caught. I could never risk it. But if I were presented with the chance to do something without any possible risk of getting caught, I'd do it. That kinda scares me. I'm pretty mature for my age, I know the difference between right and wrong so I wouldn't act on my urges, but I just went to Vegas with family and saw so many boys running around that I literally couldn't take my eyes off of, and I HATE it. And I'm sure you guys know about the sexual stuff out there on this vast internet... I feel guilty looking at that stuff. I used to think it was just hormonal, when I was 14, 15, but now I feel myself becoming a young man, maturing, and the attractions are still there. I just wish it'd go away but I know it won't. I have a strong mind and self-control, but who's to say that won't change 10 years from now.
I'm a normal teenager basically, I have friends and everything, but I feel lonely sometimes just because I know I have these feelings & a lot of people I know wouldn't accept me if they knew. It sucks. I get depressed about it. Same goes for when I think about having to tell my family about being gay..

Sorry if this is too long/doesn't really make sense, lol. First time I've really put most of that stuff in writing.

I have friends and everything, but I feel lonely sometimes just because I know I have these feelings & a lot of people I know wouldn't accept me if they knew.

I know this feeling well, as do most of us on here.

Everyone has something in their closet though. Your sexual thoughts are only a small part of you. You're not defined by an attraction, and you're still the person they know.

I'd never do anything illegal with a child just because I'm scared of ever ever getting caught. I could never risk it. But if I were presented with the chance to do something without any possible risk of getting caught, I'd do it.

You need to want to avoid 'doing anything illegal' with a child because it will be harmful for them. Think about that. I'm sure you're not a completely selfish human being.

Graveyard76 wrote:

I have friends and everything, but I feel lonely sometimes just because I know I have these feelings & a lot of people I know wouldn't accept me if they knew.

I know this feeling well, as do most of us on here.

Everyone has something in their closet though. Your sexual thoughts are only a small part of you. You're not defined by an attraction, and you're still the person they know.

I'd never do anything illegal with a child just because I'm scared of ever ever getting caught. I could never risk it. But if I were presented with the chance to do something without any possible risk of getting caught, I'd do it.

You need to want to avoid 'doing anything illegal' with a child because it will be harmful for them. Think about that. I'm sure you're not a completely selfish human being.

I don't want to be banned but I do wonder how do we know it really is harmful to them??? I believe in my head that I was molested at 10 years of age, am a pedo but still, I have not acted on it and I don't feel that it has effected me negatively.
Not telling anyone to just go molest that yummy looking boy over there at the mall but honestly, I have just wonderd this for a long time and am curious myself.

Btw OP, I am gay AND transmale.