When is Pedophilia not Pedophilia??

Hi

I would like to know with the help from pedophiles on this forum more about this condition. As a guy, I'm interested to know when it is that you can truly say you're a pedophile? I ask this because sometimes I will notice a young girl (as I'm attracted to females) who looks very cute and sometimes I feel like I want to have a second look at her. Does this mean I'm a pedophile? Or is it just normal for men to think like that? When is it that you know for sure you're a pedophile? Sorry if I'm repeating myself but I do get worried when this happens as I know it's not the right thing but how common is it amongst men?

Your help would be greatly appreciated

Thanks

Well, I know that I am a pedophile because I'm capable of fantasizing about children and prefer the physical and psycologicial qualities to that of my own. Pedophilia in itself refers to a sexual attraction to children, and while having romantic feelings for children/ thinking they're really cute is quite posible with pedophilia, it in itself doesn't mean that you are a pedophile. There are many people who find children "cute" but not sexually attractive.

Try asking yourself what you mean when you think a girl is "cute".

Funny you posted this question because, coincidentally, I just posted a question about a friend of mine who I noticed like to look at attractive little girls. I'll paste some parts of my post below that may be of some help for you. Here is the link if you want to read the whole thing. paraphilias/topic144329.html

***
Is it "Normal" for Men to Look at Little Girls?

I have a male friend in his 30's who I sometimes catch looking at attractive/cute young girls (6-10) when we are out and about. I've noticed that he's done this 3 or 4 times in the 8 months that I've known him. Sometimes, I notice him staring intently for a short while over my shoulder at benign pictures of young girls (kids of relatives, etc.) that come up on my Facebook news feed. On two different occasions, he felt compelled to blurt out a comment on their beauty, something to the effect of saying, "WOW!" (and yes, they were very pretty girls). I don't see him doing this with young boys. I found this disturbing because I haven't noticed other men doing this before... or maybe, I've never paid close attention.

I came across a therapist's blog post citing a study that virtually all men "like" little girls, but in lesser degrees and intensity in relation to adult women. However, he failed to back up the sources in his research, which is kind of dicey to me. http://robertlindsay.wordpress.com/2011 ... -hysteria/

I even asked him on a few occasions if he had any sexual urges towards kids and he told me he didn't. He gets defensive and angry each time I ask, but our friendship has managed to stay intact. It may be my own prejudices about men with children (mixed with societal hysteria), but I still remain suspicious.

I did ask him once (after he looked at a cute girl on my FB page), "What goes on in men's minds when they see a very attractive little girl's face... do they wonder what it would be like if she were older or if he were younger?". He told me, "Both... Men first react to the beauty of the face, but when they realize that face is attached to a little girl, they stop themselves from thinking further. Because otherwise, they could find themselves being attracted and mentally going into pedophilic territory.".

Having said that, I know for sure that he's attracted to grown women. He looks at attractive women (up and down) when we go out. He's been married once before and admittedly, has a strong preference for VERY developed womanly figures... big boobs and butts. I've came across his porn collection a couple of times, which is pretty extensive and almost all the women have this voluptuous body type.

Although I have a sexual interest in children I strongly believe that humans can very aesthetically pleasing in a non-sexual way. I'm straight but I've seen men I thought had amiable faces or just exuded a friendliness. Even someone ostensibly ugly has a comeliness if their face can express a lot of sexuality.

Children are very youthful, and appealing in a mainstream way in addition to triggering Paternal instincts so it's quite natural that one should enjoy looking at them especially if they remind you of your own childhood or fond memories when your friends/family when they were kids.

Do you have this strong urge to see or have contact with undressed children?

If not then you shouldn't worry.

Chessplayer wrote:Well, I know that I am a pedophile because I'm capable of fantasizing about children and prefer the physical and psycologicial qualities to that of my own. Pedophilia in itself refers to a sexual attraction to children, and while having romantic feelings for children/ thinking they're really cute is quite posible with pedophilia, it in itself doesn't mean that you are a pedophile. There are many people who find children "cute" but not sexually attractive.

Try asking yourself what you mean when you think a girl is "cute".

Can't agree more with Chessplayer more, being a pedophile is not just a cases of acting a specific way like looking at children, I can see a child and think that they are just stunningly adorable which to me I see as a natural thing but me being a pedophile I can also see children as sexually appealing to me as well the fantasies I have.

If for you its more a case of "aw she is so cute and adorable" then I see no cause for worry but If you are unsure then this is the best place to find out.

Tulula.

Chessplayer wrote:Pedophilia in itself refers to a sexual attraction to children, and while having romantic feelings for children/ thinking they're really cute is quite posible with pedophilia, it in itself doesn't mean that you are a pedophile.

While I agree that there is no reference to romantic feelings in the common definition of pedophilia, that is just another convenient way for people to label pedophilia as a perversion and not a sexual orientation which by definition includes sexual and/or romantic attraction. Romantic/emotional feelings can be just as meaningful if not more so than sexual ones to an identity like pedophilia.