Do fantasies about sex with children help relieve tension?

I have a theory that sharing fantasies with other people who have similar interests in younger girls actually makes me feel more relief and helps me stop having these thoughts when I leave the house. Anyone else found this?

Hm, I don't know since I don't share sexual fantasies with other people, but what I do know is that when I feel comfortable and trust someone enough to tell them about my attraction to young boys, I feel relieved somehow. It's like getting something out of my chest. Fortunately, I can confide those things to my brother because he's very nonjudgmental.

I think sharing can be good and bad.

For the good, having someone I know won't judge me for those feelings to talk them over with me feels good. It's nice to not feel like a freak or horribly alone, and just to be around people you know will understand what you're going through. Plus I feel like having a place to admit to certain inappropriate thoughts helps 'keep me in line' to an extent. I guess I feel that child abuse starts from a thought/fantasy and eventually becomes an action: 'I've had thoughts/fantasies about harming a child' > 'I've actively taken steps towards harming a child' > 'I have done something to harm a child'.

When I am concealing those inappropriate thoughts, it is easy to feel less accountable and I think there's more chance of those things building up/spinning out of control. For example, most of the time I cannot say 'I had a sexual thought about that young girl', there is nobody else to 'keep tabs' on me and shame keeps me silent on that topic. If I'm open with a person about said sexual thought, they might take some steps to make sure I don't do anything to cause harm to a child and/or to aggravate these sexual thoughts.

Plus it's a lot easier to admit 'yes, I have done something 'bad'*' to somebody if they're accepting of my urges: the shame that keeps me silent when I've been idly fantasizing would surely keep me silent if I ever went any further.

Still, it can also be a bad thing. Firstly, when you're surrounded by people who are attracted to kids in the same ways, it can be easy for you to start encouraging one another in inappropriate thoughts/behaviours. It can often start out as simply offering an ear and end up as 'oh, tell me more' with neither party really noticing the point at which it became less about having a safe place to vent and more about... sharing and encouraging fantasies. Which isn't really healthy.

Also, and this may be a personal thing due to my past abuse, but I find that when I like a person I unconsciously alter my behaviour to appeal to them more. My partner (who is also 'this way') pointed it out to me one day, after I'd 'coincidentally' caught a glimpse of a little girls' underwear multiple days in a row and mentioned it to her. I realized a lot of the times I was telling her about I'd either a) positioned myself so I could be triggered by seeing those things or, b) been observing things much more closely than I usually would so I'd have more to report. I realized I was engaging in unhealthy behaviours in order to earn her approval and if she hadn't stopped me/mentioned she knew I was doing it I might have continued in this vein for a long time.

This becomes something of a catch-22 for me: where a person is /too/ interested in my stories and understands /too/ well, I'm tempted to act in inappropriate ways for their approval. If they're not interested/seem to disapprove of my thoughts, then I feel unsafe telling them these things and start keeping them private again.

*I guess I'm a little paranoid here, but when I say 'something bad' I mean things that are bad for me, generally (like accessing child porn (which I have not done! but have been tempted to), or going out of my way to position myself to watch children)... but I also see how, if I had worse self-control, it could lead to me abusing a child. I will /never/ do that of course, but it helps to feel like I have someone else 'sharing the burden' with me.

I find that chatting with other Pedophiles about desires and fantasies really helps to relive my tension and stress and I honestly feel like it helps me from relapsing with a child, yet that is just my belief.

I believe that sharing fantasies & stories CAN help b/c it may keep you sated to simply share these powerful thoughts instead of going out & watching the kids at the pool *mod edit*

If this helps you & you need to vent your fantasies or hear them then I say try it out to see if it helps.
*mod edit*

AndTobiMakesTwo wrote:I think sharing can be good and bad.

For the good, having someone I know won't judge me for those feelings to talk them over with me feels good. It's nice to not feel like a freak or horribly alone, and just to be around people you know will understand what you're going through. Plus I feel like having a place to admit to certain inappropriate thoughts helps 'keep me in line' to an extent. I guess I feel that child abuse starts from a thought/fantasy and eventually becomes an action: 'I've had thoughts/fantasies about harming a child' > 'I've actively taken steps towards harming a child' > 'I have done something to harm a child'.

When I am concealing those inappropriate thoughts, it is easy to feel less accountable and I think there's more chance of those things building up/spinning out of control. For example, most of the time I cannot say 'I had a sexual thought about that young girl', there is nobody else to 'keep tabs' on me and shame keeps me silent on that topic. If I'm open with a person about said sexual thought, they might take some steps to make sure I don't do anything to cause harm to a child and/or to aggravate these sexual thoughts.

Plus it's a lot easier to admit 'yes, I have done something 'bad'*' to somebody if they're accepting of my urges: the shame that keeps me silent when I've been idly fantasizing would surely keep me silent if I ever went any further.

Still, it can also be a bad thing. Firstly, when you're surrounded by people who are attracted to kids in the same ways, it can be easy for you to start encouraging one another in inappropriate thoughts/behaviours. It can often start out as simply offering an ear and end up as 'oh, tell me more' with neither party really noticing the point at which it became less about having a safe place to vent and more about... sharing and encouraging fantasies. Which isn't really healthy.

Also, and this may be a personal thing due to my past abuse, but I find that when I like a person I unconsciously alter my behaviour to appeal to them more. My partner (who is also 'this way') pointed it out to me one day, after I'd 'coincidentally' caught a glimpse of a little girls' underwear multiple days in a row and mentioned it to her. I realized a lot of the times I was telling her about I'd either a) positioned myself so I could be triggered by seeing those things or, b) been observing things much more closely than I usually would so I'd have more to report. I realized I was engaging in unhealthy behaviours in order to earn her approval and if she hadn't stopped me/mentioned she knew I was doing it I might have continued in this vein for a long time.

This becomes something of a catch-22 for me: where a person is /too/ interested in my stories and understands /too/ well, I'm tempted to act in inappropriate ways for their approval. If they're not interested/seem to disapprove of my thoughts, then I feel unsafe telling them these things and start keeping them private again.

*I guess I'm a little paranoid here, but when I say 'something bad' I mean things that are bad for me, generally (like accessing child porn (which I have not done! but have been tempted to), or going out of my way to position myself to watch children)... but I also see how, if I had worse self-control, it could lead to me abusing a child. I will /never/ do that of course, but it helps to feel like I have someone else 'sharing the burden' with me.

I agree here. I'm in a treatment group to curb my thoughts because of my own past behaviors. Its a catch 22 thing, accountability is good. Though I have also found myself seeking out "bad" things to report from time to time so I feel accepted. I have told my group to call me on this. Also when people tell me personally about their fantasies, I enjoy it for all the wrong reasons. Its like a negative feedback loop feeding my own "bad" stuff.

Speaking with someone about your feelings is important I think. The alternative is to bottle them up, and keep them to yourself - which works for some people - but others need that ability to vent.


It feels good to explain yourself and why you feel the way you do - especially when you're explaining it to someone who can, at the very least, understand where you're coming from.
Tension may not be the best word to describe it, but having the opportunity to open up and vent a little definitely feels like a relief. Kind of helps to make you feel a little more normal.

Well if anyone ever wants to discuss anything of this nature that they wouldn't be comfortable posting here then feel free to PM me! Always interested in sharing.

I was not saying I wasn't one to listen or even chat. Heck feel free to PM me anytime anyone. Online most of the time anyway. Just know I'm probably doing it for the wrong reasons

My pedophilia doesn't stress me but I thoroughly enjoy these forums as I like that pedophilia as considered acceptable so long as it's not acted upon.

Though ideally I like being among pro-contactists like me and when this is appropriated.