About a boy

It's the school holidays here, and at the cafe across the road from work, the owner has her son doing busy work at the cafe.

He is about ten, and the problem is that he is adorable - innocent, thin, tender, and soft. I've found myself unthinkingly going to the cafe daily for the last week just to watch him while pretending to read off my ipad.

I sit there thinking my violent sadistic thoughts, and the day he dropped a tray on himself and his eyes welled up with tears, I almost lost it. Hell, when he bends over I try not to drool!

God I hope they don't start finding me suspicious. Let this holiday end!

stay strong platonic <3

platonic wrote:It's the school holidays here, and at the cafe across the road from work, the owner has her son doing busy work at the cafe.

He is about ten, and the problem is that he is adorable - innocent, thin, tender, and soft. I've found myself unthinkingly going to the cafe daily for the last week just to watch him while pretending to read off my ipad.

I sit there thinking my violent sadistic thoughts, and the day he dropped a tray on himself and his eyes welled up with tears, I almost lost it. Hell, when he bends over I try not to drool!

God I hope they don't start finding me suspicious. Let this holiday end!

So you aren't just a pedophile? You are also aroused by the humiliation of the boys you desire?

Thanks crys!

I enjoy hurting people more then humiliating them, and a boy like this just makes me want to go crazy. I can't help but think what he'd look like raped and beaten.

I spent all lunch at the cafe, watching him. I feel like the stereotypical evil pedo predator! It's amazing how this is getting at me. I need to quit this growing addition!

Hmmm...I would get myself out of that situation if I were you. No matter how strong you think you are, once you find yourself inappropriately fantasizing about a real child and take it to the level of that being the only reason you're going somewhere, in my opinion, you're already taking it too far. Not meaning to scare you, but you know that what you're doing is walking a very thin line. At worst, it could be considered stalker-like behavior. When you find yourself slipping into that, I'd run. I mean literally, just run. Exercise helps clear the mind, and can do a great deal towards settling down your hormones. Whenever I used to have major fights and screaming fits with my former roommate, I'd go for a run because I knew if I didn't, I'd beat the crap out of him lol. This is no different a situation. Go for a run next time, seriously. It helps.

platonic wrote:It's amazing how this is getting at me.

Apologies for the armchair psychology. Could this be related to your grieving process? Displacing that emotion and loss into lust and avoidance? That might account for why it's kicking at your self control and feeling so strong so quickly.

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We just had our spring break two weeks ago here. I couldn't ignore the fact that those little boys where walking around. And the boy I always think of in my fantasy was available.

I'd stay away if you can. If you have to, find another way of seeing different boys of the type you are attracted to you and try that instead to wean yourself off this one, because that way you are less likely to develop stronger feelings for him, and therefore be likely act upon them. The holidays will end soon, and a public place isn't going to be easy to do something regrettable at, but even so.

Thanks all for the food for thought.

I actually find exercise doesn't help. I swim and horse ride regularly, but being fit has kept my sex drive high. I've never been unfit, maybe I need more pies (I jest:p)

The issue is, while I think you are all right, staying away from the cafe is very difficult. I love watching him and the fantasies while watching him are so rewarding. It's taking all my self control.

I've never thought this maybe connected with my partners death. The boy certainly has stopped me thinking about him. I think I'd rather have the fantasy then think about the mess that the death caused. Unhealthy choices alert.