About a boy

Its very hard to get out of the cycle of sexual desire. I don't know if you have ever done anything sexual with a child. I have. It changes what you are for ever. Try not to cross that line. I will be always a child molester, child rapist. Always wonder when the next person will find out.

I've already dropped the ball on that one already, and have done my time in yee olde prison. I'd never offend again, but I can't stop myself from going to the cafe. He is just so....gah!

My apologies as I have not been in your situation and cannot relate, but I would personally be doing my damnedest to not be putting myself in that situation, there can be nothing good about getting yourself so worked up.

I can relate to this, minus the sadism.

I really tried to stay away, but just couldn't. Thank God the school holidays end today!

He was clearing tables with a waitress, and it took so much effort not to reach out. I almost recorded him on my phone, but at the last minute decided against it.
I want! Again, thank God that the holidays are over!

Well done on not recording him! And yes, thank goodness the holidays are over.

platonic wrote:It's the school holidays here, and at the cafe across the road from work, the owner has her son doing busy work at the cafe.

He is about ten, and the problem is that he is adorable - innocent, thin, tender, and soft. I've found myself unthinkingly going to the cafe daily for the last week just to watch him while pretending to read off my ipad.

I sit there thinking my violent sadistic thoughts, and the day he dropped a tray on himself and his eyes welled up with tears, I almost lost it. Hell, when he bends over I try not to drool!

God I hope they don't start finding me suspicious. Let this holiday end!

Maybe try to get this boy out of your head. Try indulging more in some of your hobbies, or maybe you could try thinking about some other people you're into. Or try to only see his flaws. Maybe they'll make you stop thinking about him in that way.

-- Sat May 10, 2014 3:39 am --

platonic wrote:It's the school holidays here, and at the cafe across the road from work, the owner has her son doing busy work at the cafe.

He is about ten, and the problem is that he is adorable - innocent, thin, tender, and soft. I've found myself unthinkingly going to the cafe daily for the last week just to watch him while pretending to read off my ipad.

I sit there thinking my violent sadistic thoughts, and the day he dropped a tray on himself and his eyes welled up with tears, I almost lost it. Hell, when he bends over I try not to drool!

God I hope they don't start finding me suspicious. Let this holiday end!

Maybe try to get this boy out of your head. Try indulging more in some of your hobbies, or maybe you could try thinking about some other people you're into. Or try to only see his flaws. Maybe they'll make you stop thinking about him in that way.

-- Sat May 10, 2014 3:40 am --

platonic wrote:It's the school holidays here, and at the cafe across the road from work, the owner has her son doing busy work at the cafe.

He is about ten, and the problem is that he is adorable - innocent, thin, tender, and soft. I've found myself unthinkingly going to the cafe daily for the last week just to watch him while pretending to read off my ipad.

I sit there thinking my violent sadistic thoughts, and the day he dropped a tray on himself and his eyes welled up with tears, I almost lost it. Hell, when he bends over I try not to drool!

God I hope they don't start finding me suspicious. Let this holiday end!

Maybe try to get this boy out of your head. Try indulging more in some of your hobbies, or maybe you could try thinking about some other people you're into. Or try to only see his flaws. Maybe they'll make you stop thinking about him in that way.

i think indulging in material that caters to people with your interest may help relieve you. there's a genre of manga and illustration called guro which involves really brutal stuff. there's a sub genre under that called guro shota which involves young boys. it's all fictional so no harm done. i personally enjoy the idea of cross dressing boys and because i can write and draw, i'm able to create whatever fantasy i want. i hardly ever look at actual children because they could never live up to my fantasies. i'm content with it; perhaps you will be too.

wandering star wrote:i think indulging in material that caters to people with your interest may help relieve you. there's a genre of manga and illustration called guro which involves really brutal stuff. there's a sub genre under that called guro shota which involves young boys. it's all fictional so no harm done. i personally enjoy the idea of cross dressing boys and because i can write and draw, i'm able to create whatever fantasy i want. i hardly ever look at actual children because they could never live up to my fantasies. i'm content with it; perhaps you will be too.

wandering star wrote:i think indulging in material that caters to people with your interest may help relieve you. there's a genre of manga and illustration called guro which involves really brutal stuff. there's a sub genre under that called guro shota which involves young boys. it's all fictional so no harm done.

[I'm not writing this to wandering star. Just in general ]
Best to check that this is legal wherever you currently live. Before using it as an outlet. In some countries it has a similar legal status to photo / video child sexual abuse imagery. It might be good to factor in your own response to such materials, too. For some people, this may be a healthy way to vent and reduce other urges. Others may find it escalates their urges and make everything even harder to deal with. Be honest. And kind to yourself.