Slippery situation for a person *triggers*

rodeo_clown2 wrote:I know what you mean. I find my age range now being from like 9-15 maybe even 16. Yet, I have a boyfriend that I've been with for almost a year who's 21. We've never had sex, mostly because if my morals but at the same time, I don't know if I could imagine myself beig intimate with him. But I can imagine myself wanting to rape a 12 year old. Weird stuff.

Something similar happens to me too (but I don't have a partner). It can be confusing, I see.

That's true. I guess because of the view society has on this situation, I have been brainwashed as well. I haven't always had these feelings so I've had time to listen to the whole "pedophiles need to be under the jail" argument plenty of times. But being a naturally curious person, I searched about pedophilia (even before I started truly having the thoughts) myself and realized that pedophiles need support. Uncaring child molesters who don't even consider what they do as being wrong or simply don't care to acknowledge they have a problem need to be under the jail.

Exactly, and I've been brainwashed too. But finding out I'm a pedo too totally made me change opinions about pedophilia and it made me understand what it really is.

That happened to me the other day. The boy kept lifting up his shirt and I was staring. Then I was with the toddlers the other day and he came up to the fence with his friends and they were kinda playing with them. Handing them things through the fence. As he walked away, I stared at his butt. Then I looked at another teacher and she was looking at me. I was worried she caught me staring.

Yeah just be very careful....if people notice you looking at a child in a sexual way then you might get in trouble, so maybe try not to be too obvious. I have to deal with this fear too everytime I see attractive little girls.

Thanks for the advice.thats a good way of looking at it. The thing that's stops me from doing ALOT of things is fear of getting in trouble. I don't like being in trouble so I definitely will think about these things before I decide to act.

Glad I could help.

And yeah I won't be telling my parents anytime soon. I tried to tell my sister and it backfired. I ended up not telling her and it was very awkward.

I never encourage people to talk to their families about their paraphilias (or sexuality in general). That's a very private area of our lives, and we all know about the social stigma attached to paraphilias. The consequences could be scary. I know how hard it is to keep these feelings inside, but it's for your own safety.