Living with Paedophilia

It's only thing to come on and talk abot your paraphilias without having harmed a child, but once it is said in the open forum that it happened, or in that case had child porn on their computer will instantly be reported to the proper authorites. It's not against the law to talk about this, but if your harming then it needs to be reported to protect the kids, same with people who openly admit to have child porn on their computer.

sadgurl wrote:It's only thing to come on and talk abot your paraphilias without having harmed a child, but once it is said in the open forum that it happened, or in that case had child porn on their computer will instantly be reported to the proper authorites. It's not against the law to talk about this, but if your harming then it needs to be reported to protect the kids, same with people who openly admit to have child porn on their computer.

I openly admitted that I have sparingly in the past. I also (if I'm not mistaken because of the edit) stated that anything I had downloaded is since long gone and I have no interest in ever downloading such content again. Not only that but the whole point of my story was to tell how I sought professional help, overcame my issue, and to give advice to others so that I can maybe help them overcome their issues. So now I'm trying to get an explanation from seanetal as to why I was reported, but if you have an explanation that I might understand I'd appreciate that as well.

Because you opening admitting to viewing child porn and having it on your computer.

monographic1 wrote:I openly admitted that I have sparingly in the past. I also (if I'm not mistaken because of the edit) stated that anything I had downloaded is since long gone and I have no interest in ever downloading such content again. Not only that but the whole point of my story was to tell how I sought professional help, overcame my issue, and to give advice to others so that I can maybe help them overcome their issues. So now I'm trying to get an explanation from seanetal as to why I was reported, but if you have an explanation that I might understand I'd appreciate that as well.

Long gone or not, the admission was made and because it is a crime, we have a responsibility to report that crime. That is all the explanation there is.

Ok. Well, regardless of whether it was fair or not, I undestand. Thanks to both of you for the explanation.

Hi, I'm new here.

Two remarks :
1) admins, please indicate clearly that mentioning any crime will be reported to the police. On a forum where all kind of psychological disorders are discussed, that IS a sensible thing to do. Some people have to be protected against themselves as well. Mainly because chances are that people admitting crimes here, can be socially or even mentally challenged. Heck, it's a forum for them too! The forum is no "trap" for criminals, I presume?

2) regarding the initial question : Logically it is pretty easy to see what's going on : a false idea about the concept "kid". As stated by others too. That's pretty easy learned : learn to know about the story of "abused" kids. In most cases, the kid didn't say that it didn't want the contact. In most cases, the kid didn't run away, didn't fight, didn't protest. Because that's how kids are : they see adults as an authority. BUT, importantly, these kids ARE hurt emotionally and psychologically (and often also physically, even if they don't indicate so during the abuse). No dear admins, don't know this from personal experience !!!! There are stories enougg on the net.

If you analyze the attraction, you'll realize that it's not about the kids mind. It's about the kids body. Yes, it is. It's about small hips, people with a clear smaller size than you, less breast-development, less hair, and the typical more soft lines of the face but "harder" lines of the body, the typical soft and smooth skin,... It's getting sexually aroused by "cute". If you look at yourself, you should find that adult women who are small and thin, have small breasts, a young looking face and not the typical wider hips of adult females, will arouse you more than the typical "sex bomb". It's a funny thing to do : look at women and "find the kid inside".

Important to do is realizing the previous two points : kids are hurt by sexual activity, and you're attracted to a body more than to a person. Even if it doesn't feel that way (and I know, the butterflies in your stomach can make the "falling in love" more real than in most relationships).

Most important thing to realize however is the following :
everybody agree sexuality is a mutual thing : all participants have to do this freely, and have to have the intention to do this and like it. Now you can turn it all directions, a child will NEVER ask by itself for sexual intercourse with an adult. No, these stories pedophilians tell among eachother are not a reproduction of reality, but of a certain fantasy-view on a mostly-sad event. Proven by the numerous stories of kids that were victims.

So basically, you'll never have a normal life. You can have a more easy life when you keep in mind the true needs and not-needs of a kid next time you look at them. In my case, any sexual intercourse (with adults, dear admins!!!!!!) needs one factor : the other person has to like it. Knowing kids don't like it, is a very effective way of forgetting about things that are not meant to be. With years of training, my brains are in a state where they automatically switch into "she doesn't like it"-mode when I look at kids. Good defence.

Yes, I see a sixteen year old also as a kid. Regardless all the stories pedophilians tell among eachother, no, they don't ask freely for sex with an adult. If they like to experiment, they do that most often with peers. And we're not. End of story.

edit : one last remark. Reason why I say that it's about the body : when it is about the person, we call it friendship. That can exist between an adult and a kid. The "falling in love" is connected with the body, it's a specific reaction. Compare it with a heterosexual that loves his same-gender-friends and falls in love with other-gender-people : there is the factor sexual attraction, always. First thing is to admit this to yourself. As long as you keep on saying that these feelings aren't about their bodies, you won't be able to be friendly to a kid without storms in your brain and body. And after all, that's what you're looking for, not?

edit2 : same counts for "equal gender attraction" in pedophiles : attraction to boys compared with attraction to "feminine males" (small shoulders, less hair, smaller, thin, specific musculature,...)

tinydancer wrote:But, what I have seen and experienced is that thoughts often lead to actions. Even with a strong will not to go that way.

In combination with the fact that most pedophilians indicate they're born that way (which is in my eyes indeed the case), can only lead to one conclusion. You're basically saying that everybody who feels attraction towards kids better kills himself before they act.

Sounds kind of rude to me.

No, what I'm saying is that you need to seek outside help to deal with feelings that might lead to actions that are harmful. I don't think willpower without insight is a strong enough deterent, and I don't think you can get insight without having someone check and give you feedback on erroneous thinking.

mindyou wrote:Hi, I'm new here.

Two remarks :
1) admins, please indicate clearly that mentioning any crime will be reported to the police. On a forum where all kind of psychological disorders are discussed, that IS a sensible thing to do. Some people have to be protected against themselves as well. Mainly because chances are that people admitting crimes here, can be socially or even mentally challenged. Heck, it's a forum for them too! The forum is no "trap" for criminals, I presume?

This is how I feel about it as well, and what I suggested to the admin via PM. It does feel like a trap with no kind of notice or bulletin stating that any user that posts an incriminating statement can and will have it legally used against them. As a poster I feel like I should know this beforehand. Though I'll admit it was a lack of better judgement on my part as well. In response to my PM the admin said he would think about adding such a notice with an up-coming upgrade of the site.

tinydancer wrote:No, what I'm saying is that you need to seek outside help to deal with feelings that might lead to actions that are harmful. I don't think willpower without insight is a strong enough deterent, and I don't think you can get insight without having someone check and give you feedback on erroneous thinking.

This entire statement is very true (and well worded), and I agree with it completely.