Living with Paedophilia

BLueRibbon, everyone can rationalize the things they do... even murderers. What an active pedophile can do to a child bears close comparison. Even the court system is starting to up the ante when it comes to child molesters' punishments.

Homosexuality isn't always approved of, but it has never hurt the innocent--you are glossing over that fact. And the DSM doesn't just stick something in there just because they don't understand it. That sweeping generalization is ridiculous.

Also, the poster you are speculating about is irrelevant. You have no idea what really happened (perhaps he is in prison), and no one else is responsible for the actions of others. If, for instance, you had a fight with your best friend and he ended up committing suicide that night, would it be your fault? Of course not... to suggest otherwise is asinine and cruel. Sean is equally innocent in this (completely invented) instance.

I think you really need to seek professional help. You say you haven't acted on your desires, but it's clear you are rationalizing your disorder. That, in my opinion, is the path to action... dangerous, illegal, unethical, brutal, etc. I hope that you can find help.

I've been following this thread for a while, trying to decide whether to jump in or not. I was the victim of a pedophile--my heart lurches even as a I write--and I'm really clear how fine a line there is between having desires and acting on them. Once acted upon, things can't be undone. There is no little bit of harm, even if the victim is perceived to be "mature" or "willing".

I grew up, and became a child therapist thinking maybe I could help prevent the same sort of disasters from befalling others. Not something I could ever prevent (although I spent a lot of time undoing harm done) because that line is so fine, and most people don't look at it until they've crossed it and gotten caught. I was told again and again by the men I spoke with that they probably would have kept at it if they hadn't gotten caught. That they were like alcoholics, always in need of a fix, and even in recovery, never sure if they wouldn't offend again. So, I'll admit to a large degree of bias.

But, what I have seen and experienced is that thoughts often lead to actions. Even with a strong will not to go that way. The temptation becomes too great, the rationalizations too internally accepted. And since kids can never be involved consensually (adult minds and kid minds being so unmatched) the best course of action is to get help, and a lot of it. You can quibble about what it is, whether it is an illness or disorder, or simply a choice, but you can't get around the fact that lives get damaged and destroyed. I'm all for understanding and compassion, but not to allow something so destructive to continue.

The man who used me would to this day tell you he loved me, and gave me a gift. That what he gave me was perverted by others low thoughts and assumptions. That his love was pure. He is sure that he didn't harm me, while I am quite sure that he did. And because I live with the aftermath, I can assure you that thoughts all to often do lead to action. It isn't just an intellectual debate.

I agree with Sean, Aspychild did many things against the law, if anyone else on this forum broke the law with child porn etc, will be reported. No one is to blame for any actions this person did, and no one knows what happened to him....

Chickadee:

I have a right to defend my orientation, as I haven't "done" anything.

Paedophilia doesn't hurt anyone unless the person acts on their urges.

Furthermore, paedophilia is in the DSM for machiavellian reasons. Have you seen Gene Abel's site (http://www.abelscan.com)? He claims that 95% of child molestations are committed by paedophiles, despite Police data suggesting otherwise (http://www.aph.gov.au/Senate/committee/ ... rt/c02.htm - see footnote 66). He sells software for "detecting paedophilia" which costs nearly $3000. The psychiatric community makes money from "treating/detecting" paedophilia, due to the high prevalance rates. They don't understand it, so they assume that they can "cure it".... and make money by "curing it". Experts admit that paedophilia can't be "cured". How can someone change who they're attracted to?

I refuse to tell any psychologist that I'm paedosexual, because people assume that all paedophiles spend time viewing child porn and molesting children.


tinygurl:

I'm not defending what happened to you; I hope you're aware of that. You can't project his actions onto me though. You only know me based on a post on a message board. You knew one "paedophile" in real life, but it's irrational to base your opinion of a huge group of people on one person who acted inappropiately.

--

Could you please tell me *how* my blog violates site rules? That site contains no images, other than a paedosexual free speech logo. It's not illegal to defend paedosexuality because it's not illegal to defend a thought.

~ BLueRibbon

How, BlueRibbon, do you expect to be able to live out the remaining 60+ years of your life without ever acting on your sexual preferences?

BlueRibbon,

Pedophilia is NOT a sexual orientation. Orientation denotes a gender choice in partners, whether same sex, opposite sex, or both. Please do not refer to Pedophilia as a sexual orientation on this site.

As for your blog violating site rules - it does not.

I am curious to read your answer to drifting's question.

One more stat for you. Most single incident child sexual abuse takes place at the hands of "opportunistic abusers" according to some stats I've read (I can not locate the original source but I believe it was 65% of reported incidents). However that same site reported that Pedophiles have on average over 100 victims before they are caught and stopped. The "opportunistic abusers" generally have a single victim. As for who is the most dangerous? Anyone who harms a child.

Blueribbon,

I'm not projecting my thoughts on to you, only expressed my opinion as to what I perceive all too often happens. And just to be clear, I was the victim of one pedophile, but have probably worked with or talked with a couple of dozen more. One of the things that I took on was that I was the one responsible, and I tried (when younger) to try and understand what I "did". Quite a bit of therapy later, I finally got that no matter how "mature" my brain was, a 12 year age gap between myself and my "boyfriend" was beyond merely innapropriate. And it scares me because I have seen far too many kids scarred when someone couldn't control their thoughts, and thoughts became actions, and actions were rationalized after the fact. And because young girls (or boys)eventually become women and men, the potential for multiple abuses runs high.

BLueRibbon, were you a victim of molestation? That question goes out to any of you professing to be a pedophile if you care to answer.

I'd like to clear up one dangerous myth here before we go any further. Many believe that most victims of sexual abuse are likely to become abusers. This is a dangerous myth and one that sadly is built upon each time an abuser is caught and uses the "I was abused myself" excuse as a way to hopefully gain sympathy.

Studies have shown that 70% of abusers claim to have been abuse victims themselves. Real numbers are hard to find but of those interviewed after sentencing, that number drops to less than 50%. Interviewers believe the number is actually lower and that many stick to their "victim" story hoping that it may help in an appeal.

The simple fact is that most survivors of sexual abuse do not go on to become abusers themselves.

Consider that studies estimate the sexual abuse of girls to be between 1 in 3 and 1 in 5 and the sexual abuse of boys to be between 1 in 5 and 1 in 6. Many now dispute those numbers based on the definition of "sexual abuse", and some believe the numbers for boys to be 1 in 4 due to the fact that boys and men are less likely to discuss their abuse even in adulthood. When the term sexual abuse includes all forms of inappropriate sexual contact between an adult and a minor, including non contact abuse (sexual talk, exposure to inappropriate material for sexual purposes of the adult, etc.) those numbers have been estimated as high as 1 in 2.5 for girls and 1 in 3 for boys.

Men are responsible for the majority of sexual abuse, with women usually cited as being responsible for 5% or as high as 20% of sexual abuse. Many experts believe this number to be much higher, again due to the fact that men tend to under report and also male victims of a female abuser are led to believe that it was a form of sexual initiation and not abuse.

Keep in mind that these are US numbers and in remote areas of the world the numbers can often be much higher.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_sexual_abuse

The activities identified as sexual abuses of a children vary between countries. In the United States, sexual activity of any kind is prohibited between an adult and a person under the age of consent. Examples of prohibited activities:

* sexual intercourse (oral, anal or vaginal) with any person under the age of consent, which is between 16 and 18 years in the U.S.,
* soliciting sexual activity from a child,
* contact with a child's genitals for the purpose of sexual gratification,
* inducing a child to touch his/her genitals or another's genitals,
* acting as a pimp for prostituted child
* inducing a child to behave sexually in a performance, or to watch any kind of sexual behavior,
* inducing a child to appear in child pornography,
* lewd acts with children, including disseminating pornography to a minor.

[/quote]

Drifting,

I control my sexual urges by masturbation. It's the natural way to deal with your urges if you can't engage in sexual activity with anyone (I'm not attracted to people over the age of 13/14) and it hasn't failed me. I'm at the age where a person's sexual urges are strongest, so since I can control myself now, I doubt that I will be unable to control myself when my urges are less strong.

Sean,

I'm aware that preferential offenders often have more victims that situational offenders, but the majority of offenders are situational, not preferential.

A philia is defined as an abnormal sexual attraction. Considering the huge prevalance rate of "paedophilia", the inclusion of paedophilia as a paraphilia in the DSM is absurd.

Chickadee,

No, I'm not a victim of molestation.