Trigger Warning!: Backstory on Discovering my Pedophilia

Trigger Warning!!!
After seeing some of these on this forum, I thought I should post my own. I read quite a lot when I first found this forum, and it really helped me - I didn't feel quite so alone in my struggles. This might be a bit convoluted, sorry about that.

I had an... enjoyable? childhood, albeit I have no regrets about it. My family was a constant drama tv show, with break-ups and bitterness after them, but the family I stuck with was just an average American family. I was the black sheep. I'm not sure to what extent my environment influenced me growing up, but I disliked feelings. Strongly disliked them. I clearly remember trying to forsake feeling as much as I could at age 7. Looking back, I want to say that I was incapable of emotion, but I believe I just repressed them. Instead, I grew intellectually and developed a strong logical base. I disproved Santa Claus at age 5. (Magic isn't real, Santa is magical, wuht?)
I'm going a bit off topic... Essentially, I grew up wanting nothing to do with feelings. I still felt pleasure and curiosity though.
Then, at age 15, content in my existence, I started picking up on a feeling, the slightest hint of one... I repressed it, but it grew, and yep, during November-December of my 16th year I discovered my sexuality. This was just bad in its entirety, as all the built up repressed capability of feeling just exploded. I had no idea how to handle emotions well, and strong emotions wrecked everything. Added into this was all the $#%^ every pedophile/sexual/minor attracted person/whatever the hell you call yourself feels when they discover their sexuality... By the way, I'm an exclusive heterosexual pedophile...
I had no idea how to handle it. It was WAY to much at one time. And I was alone in it all.
Yeah, oh woe was me and what not.
But it was pretty extreme. For about two weeks I just escaped into video games. But then winter break ended, and I had to go to school. This was extremely difficult...
I was already into anime, so it wasn't hard to find lolita hentai images. I (guiltily) used them during masturbation rather than actual CP. Thank goodness I stayed away. The turning point in all of this was the book Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. This book was my catharsis, and my call back to reality. I was a moral nihilist (google is your friend) but this book helped me find myself and see that I couldn't ever hurt someone that I loved...
This book is just really good, I highly recommend reading it. Just don't follow in Humbert's footsteps... That is not a good path to take.
After coming back to reality, I started working on emotional stability and development. I'm still working, but I've come a long ways.
I imagine many of us are self hating in the beginning... I was no different. It took me about a good year to mostly get over that, and I still occasionally have negative feelings toward myself. I don't have any real advice how to accept yourself. I eventually realized that I am responsible for my actions, and I am no less capable of making good decisions than everyone else, regardless of what society thinks. Nobody is wrong or evil for who they are. Those are moral judgements, and moral judgements require actions.
Last year on September 8th, I came out to my best friend. She was a bit surprised, but totally cool and accepting about it. I am fortunate enough to have somebody like this.
I was careful, laying hints and planning all week on what I said. I did the same thing with my other best friend, her boyfriend, two weeks later. He was great and very supporting. That was the only time I have cried tears of both sadness and joy.

I'll be making another post about morality soon, that was one reason why I made this one... Gives some background.

As for afterwards, now I just enjoy being a girl lover. I'm pretty childish myself, so it's a ton of fun. Especially when I meet my 5 year old sister's friends. So cute!

Thanks for reading, my love and support goes out to you all!
*Internet hugs*

Lolita is a damning indictment of Humbert Humbert's solipsism and failure as a human being and as an artist. It's a work that is deeply concerned with the tensions between art and life, and te necessity of morality to both these things.