How and when did you realise your attraction to children?

So how and when did you?
Did you ever check your attraction?
Did you have much denial?
Just your story really!

I think I'm suffering from OCD but am confused, I recently checked by searching family nudist beach, 1st time great no attraction, gave me a relief, second time was different I felt attraction so I decided to test like masturbation and felt as if I enjoyed it or could enjoy it.

I'm a fairly open minded person these days so please just tell all
Thanks!

When I was younger I was molested by my uncle.. I didnt realize until I was older what a impact it had on me. I try not to make my attractions obvious, but I got called out a few times in the past for looking and such when I shouldnt have. I tried for awhile telling myself im not like that and it was wrong.. but i was only lying to myself. Ive tried opening up to a few people in my life about it, but that didnt turn out so well. I learned to accept who I am even though others dont.

-Ripper

Two years ago I visited a daycare to observe my niece crafting gingerbread houses and such. By random chance I ended up seeing a 4-year-old girl there who I found extremely attractive. It came out of nowhere and I really didn't know how to react to it at the time, so I felt like I had a lot of uncomfortable pressure on me and I said some stuff to her under my breath that made her a bit upset. I wanted her to get away from me because she was making me feel deeply uncomfortable. She seemed to be neglected at the time so I feel really bad about being mean to her. :\ Kid was pretty as hell, but just as filthy.

I proceeded to avoid eye contact with her while not being able to help watching her from a distance with some kind of fascination.

I felt the same way about a younger girl that I used to know back in early middle school. 'Crush lasted til she was around 12. (Although, I hated her guts at the same time so it was quite the awkward situation.) Since 19 I've been noticing other children that I find attractive. However, I still like my men too.

After a good bit of introspection, I connected the dots and came to the conclusion that I'm a non-exclusive paedophile. It did take me a while to come to grips with it though. I've never touched a child to "test my attractions". I don't need to or want to. I know my feels and need to further proof.

That's my story. Sorry for the confusing grammar.

When I was going through puberty, trying to get a handle on how this sexuality thing works, I spent some time when I could get a bit of privacy surfing the internet finding photos of attractive women to use as masturbatory aids. I had a number of complaints about the material I found, and worked out that a picture of a little girl would resolve all those complaints. Masturbated to that and that pretty much settled it.

Then came the fear and internalized shame from growing up in a society that says anyone who's attracted to children is a monster who will inevidably molest a child. Took years to get over that.

When I was 14 I fell in love with my (then) 3 year old cousin. Before I had started paying attention to little boys, but I thought nothing of it. I didn't have much denial, but I carry a lot of regret with me. It's been 3 full years of going to a psych!

MonsterMunch12 wrote:So how and when did you?
Did you ever check your attraction?
Did you have much denial?
Just your story really!

I think I'm suffering from OCD but am confused, I recently checked by searching family nudist beach, 1st time great no attraction, gave me a relief, second time was different I felt attraction so I decided to test like masturbation and felt as if I enjoyed it or could enjoy it.

I'm a fairly open minded person these days so please just tell all
Thanks!

I'll keep things as short as possible. Signs of it can be traced back to when I was 15, but the real discovery happened last summer (age 20).

So how and when did you?

How? I slowly realized I'm attracted to little girls, even as young as 8. I would say the first evident sign was me falling for a girl last summer who had just turned 12, and then two months later feeling attracted to a 9 (more or less) year old girl. Especially this last one made me realize who I really like.

Did you ever check your attraction?

If you mean touching a little girl to see if I got aroused....of course no. And I wouldn't need it to know I'm attracted to children anyway. I just know I am and it's pretty clear and evident to me and others who know me. There's no need to check.

Did you have much denial?

No, I just realized it and never tried to deny my true being. I'm still struggling to fully accept myself though.

If you're asking about these questions and feel like you have OCD making you think you're a pedophile and you engage in "checking" behaviors (not necessarily touching), if you're extremely confused and unsure....then yes it's very likely it is just OCD.
You just know when you're attracted to children. You just know it.

Hey thanks for your replies

Hi ElKhan, by checking for attraction I mean checking the internet (not for child porn) looking at images of different age girls to see your attraction, or looking at them in the street to see of your attraction. Not actually acting towards anyone
I'm confused lately because not a lot of things in my mind are making sense

MonsterMunch12 wrote:Hey thanks for your replies

Hi ElKhan, by checking for attraction I mean checking the internet (not for child porn) looking at images of different age girls to see your attraction, or looking at them in the street to see of your attraction. Not actually acting towards anyone
I'm confused lately because not a lot of things in my mind are making sense

Oh yeah I did that to figure out the age range of my attraction.
If you feel confused just take your time to figure things out and feel free to PM me any time.