A rather unfortunate combination of taboos

In reference to pedo_dido's response on this issue. Your actions of allowing yourself to view imagery of this particular content is only aiding in the fuel that drives your personal, natural desires. Restraint from the act of seeking out this imagery would help to some small degree.

However, this answer does not apply to your original question; that being, how to cope with these conditions of yours. I'm sure you have attempted such intense restraint from imagery, content and thought that relates to your ongoing issues before. This is not a way to cope with anything, for it still has complete control over you, just in a different manner. A manner of complete starvation without any form of release.

From a psychological standpoint, this form of preventative is only going to drive you further to the likely-hood of a bad breaking point. One which may lead you to an entire loss of control, which may lead you to harming another person; something in which you are clearly against.

Nevertheless, everyone is different, and this concept could In fact work for you - if you haven't already attempted it. In which case, you could also attempt to research other forms of treatment that would usually apply to an addict's therapy, as they may additionally serve you well. This, of course, is not to say that your problems are due to an addiction or an addictive personality. Rather, simply another possibility in your attempts to love comfortably.

I'd like to discuss more of this with you on a personal level. If you are comfortable with that, please send me a PM.

Mayapple wrote:

Fuminori wrote:---- I don't plan to stay for too long. I worry about the capabilities of stylometry to discover who I am by linking me to non-anonymous blogs, etc. -----

Do you figure anybody out there is motivated enough to try to figure that out?

I am posting on these forums on the basis that nobody I know in other parts of my life will know me here, but there's some statistics in that expectation. I think there are people who know me well enough to recognize me if they read all my posts. I just don't think it's likely enough to happen. I think the greater statistical chance is that I will be uncomfortably overcautious and miss the chance to find acceptance here. Obviously it is totally up to each of us how to manage our own presentation to the world, but if I thought getting outed was a significant risk, I would behave differently starting now!

As far as the other stuff, well, I really like the part about the heightened awareness of suffering as well as the sexual part of pain, as two separate but presumably related things. This is something I have been figuring out about myself. I like that I can sense other people's suffering and can connect with them and it is helpful to us both, and I like that this is a separate thing from anything sexual. It isn't just sex, it's more important than that, more genuine, more caring. This is important to me, very important. I don't even know how to explain why, it just is, but it very emphatically is. The fact that you recognize the same thing in yourself (at least as far as I think we've pinned it down) is really nice, making it more real in some way. So, thanks for your comments on it. And I hope what more I said about it still fits with what you see in yourself.

I do think people may be motivated enough, especially with this increase in effort to arrest anyone involved in the "pure evil" that is child pornography which western countries are showing. Even if I do not admit to doing anything illegal now, what if I commit a crime in the future, especially if it's extreme, my posts here match my MO at that time (or maybe I'm just watching too much CSI). Regardless, I feel adequately protected against most other internet-based investigations, but my writing style cannot be anonymized as effectively.

Just like you, there are people in my life who know me well enough to recognize me if they read this post. Unfortunately, one of these people is a psychologist who would be more likely to stumble across this forum. The others are less likely to find out by recognizing me, but it would be devistating for all parties involved if they did.

Could you please elaborate more on your last paragraph? I'm not quite sure if I understand correctly or not.

I don't want to ruin anybody's confidentiality -- and I hope you aren't coping with any future extreme crimes, either. Good luck.

I wonder if anybody here has had what they thought would remain confidential get broadcast to the world?

pedo_dido wrote:Most of us have what you have. It's important to realize that when you are aroused and you really want to fulfill those fantasies, you can pretty much justify to yourself anything to be acceptable. Hence, that line between fantasy and reality becomes blurred and sometimes disappears.

I advise you not to watch those videos because even if you do not condone the production and distribution of those videos, you are feeding your desires. Not to mention it's illegal. Think of it this way. It's like passively watching a murder taking place and not doing anything about it because it turns you on. In some states, that inaction maybe construed as illegal and you maybe charged with accessory to a crime.

Would you also advise I do not watch or download animated or drawn videos/images?

Anyway, I don't see that it's "feeding my desires", it's more like it's satiating them. I hear the "feeding desires" argument mostly from people who's only goal is to wipe everyone who has naughty thoughts off the face of the planet, which makes it very hard to take such a claim seriously, especially when there is evidence that points in the opposite direction, and the evidence that claims even the most violent child pornography "feeds desires" comes from studies which are executed terribly. Their logic is based on knowledge that many prison inmates who were arrested for sexual assault of children also viewed child pornography, and admitted it fueled their own desires, but it did not look whatsoever at the utterly massive population who view those images but do not commit any other crimes of that nature. My parents were in a generation where they'd regularly watch shows like Loony Toons, and I've yet to hear horror stories of anyone in their generation blowing people or animals up, or poisoning food for fun, but by the logic of the "feeding desires" crowd, we should see that kind of thing. Why could it be that the average person doesn't immitate dangerous crimes that they see in media, with the sole exception of the one thing that has become the subject of the largest mass moral panic in the last three decades? Even something as polarizing as pornography in general does not get the same claims as child porn (pornography being linked with less physical sex, for example). If anything, I would probably be more likely to commit crimes if I had no other way to satiate my desires. All of that is beside the point though, because I look at drawn images more than I look at real and illegal ones because, as I said before, there's very little violent child porn out there, unless you consider video recording of masturbation or sex with a teenager "violent", which I sure don't. My view of extreme violence is murder, necrophilia, violent rape, stabbing, gutting, hanging, etc., and I have yet to see one pornographic image of these being done to a child, with the possible exception of violent rape (specifically babyshi and just maybe the tara vids, although that's stretching it, but I'm not interested in that type of thing anyway).

"Think of it this way. It's like passively watching a murder taking place and not doing anything about it because it turns you on." I don't see how it's anything like that. It's like reading about or watching a video of a crime that's already taken place, and not closing your eyes and praying the record of the crime goes away. I have never viewed a live stream of child pornography or violence and I do not believe I will even have the opportunity, even if it does exist. Comparing a recording of abuse to watching the actual abuse and not doing anything about it is not a very good argument.

I'm sorry for criticizing your points when I'm the one looking for help and advice, but I honestly think the points are fallacious and ineffective.

Ghost147 wrote:In reference to pedo_dido's response on this issue. Your actions of allowing yourself to view imagery of this particular content is only aiding in the fuel that drives your personal, natural desires. Restraint from the act of seeking out this imagery would help to some small degree.

However, this answer does not apply to your original question; that being, how to cope with these conditions of yours. I'm sure you have attempted such intense restraint from imagery, content and thought that relates to your ongoing issues before. This is not a way to cope with anything, for it still has complete control over you, just in a different manner. A manner of complete starvation without any form of release.

From a psychological standpoint, this form of preventative is only going to drive you further to the likely-hood of a bad breaking point. One which may lead you to an entire loss of control, which may lead you to harming another person; something in which you are clearly against.

Nevertheless, everyone is different, and this concept could In fact work for you - if you haven't already attempted it. In which case, you could also attempt to research other forms of treatment that would usually apply to an addict's therapy, as they may additionally serve you well. This, of course, is not to say that your problems are due to an addiction or an addictive personality. Rather, simply another possibility in your attempts to love comfortably.

I'd like to discuss more of this with you on a personal level. If you are comfortable with that, please send me a PM.

I'm still very skeptical about these claims that it's an addiction, which I don't think it is. I have been addicted before physically to a meth knockoff, and I have been addicted psychologically to video games when I was younger, and I can confidently say that this does not feel like an addiction. It's on the level of any hobby, it's just that this hobby also helps me when I get a desire to cause harm or to plan to cause harm. It's a catharsis. Would you say that all pornography which anyone views is a form of addiction, or is it only pornography which is taboo in nature? If not then what is it about what I am doing that makes it an addiction?

P.S. I've sent you a PM. If it's of very sensitive personal nature, PGP would be a good thing to use.

Fuminori wrote:I'm still very skeptical about these claims that it's an addiction, which I don't think it is. I have been addicted before physically to a meth knockoff, and I have been addicted psychologically to video games when I was younger, and I can confidently say that this does not feel like an addiction. It's on the level of any hobby, it's just that this hobby also helps me when I get a desire to cause harm or to plan to cause harm. It's a catharsis. Would you say that all pornography which anyone views is a form of addiction, or is it only pornography which is taboo in nature? If not then what is it about what I am doing that makes it an addiction?

P.S. I've sent you a PM. If it's of very sensitive personal nature, PGP would be a good thing to use.

I agree, not an addiction at all, in your case. However, I don't understand what you mean by a hobby? Are you suggesting that it developed from imagery and continuously evolved?

It seems - from what we can gather from this topic at least - that you are indeed correct in your assessment that you have varying sexualities. Pedophilia and Sadism both are sexualities. Your other sexual gratifications seem to simply be paraphilias that lean to neither fetish, nor sexuality, to have purely evolved from those initial sexualities. A Paraphilia in the sense of severe sexual distress, if you will.

Yes, I received your PM. Thank you, I'll continue this conversation in there.

Ghost147 wrote:

Fuminori wrote:I'm still very skeptical about these claims that it's an addiction, which I don't think it is. I have been addicted before physically to a meth knockoff, and I have been addicted psychologically to video games when I was younger, and I can confidently say that this does not feel like an addiction. It's on the level of any hobby, it's just that this hobby also helps me when I get a desire to cause harm or to plan to cause harm. It's a catharsis. Would you say that all pornography which anyone views is a form of addiction, or is it only pornography which is taboo in nature? If not then what is it about what I am doing that makes it an addiction?

P.S. I've sent you a PM. If it's of very sensitive personal nature, PGP would be a good thing to use.

I agree, not an addiction at all, in your case. However, I don't understand what you mean by a hobby? Are you suggesting that it developed from imagery and continuously evolved?

It seems - from what we can gather from this topic at least - that you are indeed correct in your assessment that you have varying sexualities. Pedophilia and Sadism both are sexualities. Your other sexual gratifications seem to simply be paraphilias that lean to neither fetish, nor sexuality, to have purely evolved from those initial sexualities. A Paraphilia in the sense of severe sexual distress, if you will.

Yes, I received your PM. Thank you, I'll continue this conversation in there.

Yes, I do think it developed from the imagery, although whether or not it would have developed independently, I do not know.

Also bump.

bump?