Is this abuse?

Ok, first of all you need to take a chill pill lol.
Secondly, OCD is a brain disorder that DOES NOT RESPOND TO RATIONALE. Therefore no matter how many times it is drilled into your head, you're frontal lobe will not accept the truth. It is a chronic doubting disease, so while I know on some level it is irrational, you trying to force my brain to accept it is not true is like trying to force your own brain not to be attracted to minors. And believe me, for seven years I've tried. These repeated attempts at reassurance are simply a compulsion; a symptom of the illness.
Also don't see the need for you to use excessive exclamation marks...you sound slightly unhinged. Maybe see a professional for your self-professed mental torment? Just a suggestion.

The problem is you're still trying to win a "who has it worse" contest, elfie24. One you started. That's kind of a raw nerve for a lot of us. The fact that you're trying to win that contest tells me it's a raw nerve for you as well, so I'm hoping we can get a little empathy going here.

As before, I'm not going to lay out my collection of issues to try to establish credibility as though my suffering matters only if I can demonstrate it's objectively worse than your suffering. I reject the idea that your acknowledgement matters at all. I recommend you not invest yourself overmuch in whether I acknowledge yours as genuine either. Not because I'm unwilling to acknowledge that your pain is real. I do. But because the things you're doing to seek that acknowledgement are hurting other people by treating their pain as lesser as your way of establishing that your pain matters.

I am in no way trying to undermine anyone's suffering. I have frequented this forum for a couple of years and have mostly had nothing but sympathy for those with paraphilias. My last post wasn't an attempt at competing, it was just explaining that no matter anyone here says, the disorder will prevent my brain from believing the rational truth.
In fact, I believe I have more empathy towards paedophiles than most due to my OCD fears. So I get where you are coming from, everyone has their cross to bear, and mental disorders of any kind (sexual, obsessive, depressive etc) are very painful. I was more irritated by the last posters tone than anything else.

That irritation was mutual. He used stronger punctuation, you used allcaps. This has been going back and forth. "See how long you'd last", "you have no idea". These are phrases tailored for the purpose of minimizing another person's suffering. They piss people off. Whether you intended them to or not, that's what they did.

On the original subject...I happened to speak to someone who specialises in abuse cases. He stated that two things had to occur in order for it to be a crime, the act itself, and the intention to do something sexual. This was my inital opinion so it clarified things a bit.
Perfect example of how OCD will skew my mind happened earlier...I gave my little brother a few kisses, on the mouth and cheeks, cuz he's so darn cute. When this happened, it felt nice and affectionate, but also somewhat vaguely sexual, like when I would kiss a boyfriend like that. Even after I felt that weird feeling of it being inappropriate, I still kissed him a couple more times over the space of a few seconds because it felt nice (in both a normal affectionate way and also vaguely perverted way). Nothing that he would have deemed inappropriate, but I then had a huge panic attack after believing I had done something terrible. It never seems to end.

He stated that two things had to occur in order for it to be a crime, the act itself, and the intention to do something sexual.

Well, that's dumb. You can hurt someone unintentionally and it your lack of intent wouldn't make them any less hurt.

I get where you're coming from, I was confused too. A better example would be if a man was cuddling his daughter and stroking her leg...it could be perfectly innocent. From my perspective, our family are very tactile, and that would be seen as affectionate. However if someone was rubbing a child's leg in exactly the same way, but did it in order to get sexual gratification, it is molestation. So hence there is confusion and a somewhat grey area.

I'm utterly tortured. If someone kissed/pecked a child on the cheek and corner of mouth a couple of times with a sexual intention, would it be deemed abuse? My mind is a whirlpool of fear and confusion. I cant see what's real and what's not right now, I'm sorry.

elfie24 wrote:I'm utterly tortured. If someone kissed/pecked a child on the cheek and corner of mouth a couple of times with a sexual intention, would it be deemed abuse? My mind is a whirlpool of fear and confusion. I cant see what's real and what's not right now, I'm sorry.

If it was unintentionally sexual in nature then no, however if as you say you felt sexually stimulated by it and then worry about those feelings, then you need to re address how you show affection to children. Personally I would never kiss a child on their mouth even if a relative, the cheek or forehead is more than adequate to show affection if you need too.

I would say doing something that can feel sexual in nature is still abuse of a form if it makes you feel uncomfortable about it. If it makes you uncomfortable then there is a good chance it could make the child feel the same or confuse paternal love with romantic love, children and naive and look up to adults.

I know you are struggling with your feelings but the wellbeing of the child comes higher than any of our problems as adults.

Probably not what you want to hear but as they say tough love is the best in the long run.

not sure if you've read the other posts, but I have OCD not paedophilia. Everyone in my family kisses on the lips we always have. I love my brother to death, hence why OCD attacks my thoughts and the disorder makes me have delusions that Ive done something wrong.
Yet, sadly, despite knowing this in theory, and seeing other OCD'ers struggle with the same situations, it does not respond to rationale so I cant help doubting everything obsessively. I have calmed down a bit, but the intense fear will no doubt return soon.
So if someone kissed him on the cheek with a bad intention they would need to turn themselves in for abuse? I know this question will start torturing me soon and my OCD will come up with more no doubt.