I want to die now

I been a pedophile for a long while and really feel like dying. My AOA is 11 to 14 and I have never offended but I still want to die. Most people always thinks pedophiles will offend sooner or later. I known about these feelings sense I was little but I didn't know what it was. I wish I could just stop living a lie. I want to be friends with boys but I will never do anything. This doesn't mean I want to go on dates with them. Just to be their friend is greater than anything.

Human beings are social creatures. That's why many cultures past and present use banishment and shunning as criminal penalties. Solitary confinement, depriving people of other people, has been shown to cause brain damage and has been called torture.

I bring that up as my way of saying, that the pain you feel is real and valid. I don't think suicide is the answer, but I'm not going to try to convince you that you aren't in real pain, that needs real solutions to make living seem like a better alternative to dying.

Most people do think pedophiles will offend sooner or later. But most people are idiots. Most people have never given the matter a moment's thought, and most people are completely ignorant of what the actual statistics say. Don't internalize that message if you can help it. We aren't predestined to offend. Most of us live our entire lives without offending.

I believe you when you tell me what you want. I know you expect a "but" to come after a sentence like that. I learned to expect it. There isn't one coming. I really do believe you.

Me, my AoA is 0-10. I've been blessed to be able to tell a handful of people in my life, and they've responded compassionately toward me. It's made a huge difference in terms of not feeling so alone. Only you can decide if any given person in your life is safe to tell this to, if they're someone you can trust both not to hurt you, and to keep your secrets. But if you find someone you can trust like that, it helps.

For me, the suicidal impulses (I've had them too) have largely been replaced with impulses to tell additional people in my life. A different way of alleviating the pressure when I'm feeling at my worst.

Whatever happens, I wish you all the best, and want you to know that even if I'm nothing more than some guy typing on the internet, somebody cares.

I've been in your position many times. One minute you're okay and accept it, the next min you hate what you are and want to kill yourself. However i think when "we" feel the need to kill ourselves, we really just want to kill that "side" of us. Everything will be okay, you just have to find an outlet, so you're not so focused on them.

-- Sun Feb 02, 2014 7:52 pm --

I've been in your position many times. One minute you're okay and accept it, the next min you hate what you are and want to kill yourself. However i think when "we" feel the need to kill ourselves, we really just want to kill that "side" of us. Everything will be okay, you just have to find an outlet, so you're not so focused on them.