Me, a sadist. My new discovery *WARNING. TRIGGER, GRAPHIC*

Good for you, ElKahn. I'm so happy to see you're making progress in accepting yourself as you are.

I don't think a paraphilia can be "cured", but I think one can learn to control himself and avoid acting out his fantasies, that's the part that can be "treated", but not the paraphilia itself.
I don't feel like I can change my attractions to children just like an adult attracted to an adult can't change that, just like a homosexual can't change being homosexual, or a heterosexual being a heterosexual, or, on the side of gender identity, male or female....some things just cannot change.

It is not at all uncommon for childhood trauma survivors to for instance be sexually interested in people who look like their abusers, even exclusively. This can be trained and dealt with in therapy to a point where it no longer happens. Sexuality isn't a static thing.

I don't want to get into the what's of it all but on a personal level, I am no longer interested in the paraphilia/paraphilic disorder that I was troubled with earlier in my life. With enough conditioning, therapy and understanding I was able to leave this behind. I have not tried this with my fetishes as they are not a cause of distress.

Sorry for posting this so late. I found it in my drafts folder so I assume I must've pressed the wrong button.

Lifelongthing...being attracted to people looking like their abusers is strictly linked to a traumatic experiences and traumas can be solved after proper therapy.
In the case of paraphilias as sexual orientations there is no trauma, it's just our own way to express our sexuality and it only becomes a danger when we act on our urges.
I wouldn't say it's fluid.
A paraphilia cannot be cured simply because there is no need or way to cure it. What has to be treated is the paraphiliac's perception of his/her own condition only in the case when it becomes stressful...a paraphiliac should accept the condition and live a normal and safe life, without harming anyone.

ElKahn, I never said that was my only issue. I tried to be vague as it's something I don't want to discuss in detail on here but I had therapy to help me with certain disordered (as in paraphilic or fetishistic disorder depending on how you look at it) facets of my sexuality. And to be fair, there are lots of traumatized individuals with paraphilias, just as there are lots of non-traumatized individuals with paraphilias - if we were to make such a clear distinction that "in the case of paraphilias as sexual orientations there is no trauma, it's just our own way to express our sexuality and it only becomes a danger when we act on our urges." becomes kind of black and white to me. Sexuality is considered fluid by a lot of scientists in the way that paraphilias (and also non-paraphilic sexual interests) can evolve, change or in essence morph to something else. Were that not the case it would be static. What I am attracted to today may not be what I am attracted to in 10 years. That doesn't make my sexual attraction any more or less legitimate, acceptable or even healthy, not does it for anyone else - it just means that I don't believe it's as black and white as "this can be cured" and "this cannot be cured", nor "this is healthy" and "this is not healthy".

ElKahn,

I hope you can keep moving forward with this, and come to a place of complete peace with it in a safe way.

But, When lifelongthing opens up about something perosnal, she should be respected. Maybe you didn't mean to disrespect her, but her opinions are as valid as anyone elses and to me it looks like you just dismissed her when she opened up about something sensitive.

I think the confusion is calling orientations paraphilas. they're not in my opinion.

For the record, I have 'grown out' of a paraphilia. A real, hard core, threatining one I felt was an unchangable part of me, as much as my right arm is a part of me. I don't just manage it, or control myself. It's gone, completely.

lifelongthing wrote:

I don't think a paraphilia can be "cured", but I think one can learn to control himself and avoid acting out his fantasies, that's the part that can be "treated", but not the paraphilia itself.
I don't feel like I can change my attractions to children just like an adult attracted to an adult can't change that, just like a homosexual can't change being homosexual, or a heterosexual being a heterosexual, or, on the side of gender identity, male or female....some things just cannot change.

It is not at all uncommon for childhood trauma survivors to for instance be sexually interested in people who look like their abusers, even exclusively. This can be trained and dealt with in therapy to a point where it no longer happens. Sexuality isn't a static thing.

I don't want to get into the what's of it all but on a personal level, I am no longer interested in the paraphilia/paraphilic disorder that I was troubled with earlier in my life. With enough conditioning, therapy and understanding I was able to leave this behind. I have not tried this with my fetishes as they are not a cause of distress.

Sorry for posting this so late. I found it in my drafts folder so I assume I must've pressed the wrong button.

Male and female sexuality are different things. It is true that female sexuality is fluid, but it’s not true for male sexuality. Male sexual orientation is a pattern of sexual arousal. In the case of exclusive pedophilia it is a sexual arousal from a child and absent of this arousal from adult. And male pattern of sexual arousal is very stable and very unlikely that it is changeable. And we already have discussed why sexual interest unlikely to change. paraphilias/topic124849.html

Male and female sexuality are different things. It is true that female sexuality is fluid, but it’s not true for male sexuality. Male sexual orientation is a pattern of sexual arousal. In the case of exclusive pedophilia it is a sexual arousal from a child and absent of this arousal from adult. And male pattern of sexual arousal is very stable and very unlikely that it is changeable. And we already have discussed why sexual interest unlikely to change. paraphilias/topic124849.html

My point was that it is not impossible, that people have experienced this (myself, the male poster above me, some other people posting on this forum have referenced their own sexualities changing - from what I know mostly male posters) and that being as black and white that "this is curable" or "this is not curable" is, well, a bit black and white. I think for a huge percentage of people there isn't anything that can be done about who or what they are attracted to. As I said before, I don't find in inherently unhealthy to be sexually attracted to someone or something, if it isn't distressful or you hurt others in the process. I am not anti-paraphilias or think people can somehow just change their sexualities on a whim. I am saying that I don't think we should just disregard what certain posters here share about their own journeys and their own sexualities based on what we find in ourselves. I have not said to ElKahn, who started this thread, that he can change his sexuality because I have absolutely no reason to believe that. I wrote that there are people who can and that I have experience with this. As you can see above, so does someone else. I would find it offensive if my or others sexual issues were somehow thrown away due to a trauma background. It is not that simple. There are sexually, emotionally or physically abused paraphiliacs and there are non-abused paraphiliacs. Neither the DSM nor the ICD makes any sort of distinction in this. A paraphilic disorder or fetish disorder is diagnosed based on sexual thought, sexual arousal, age and so forth. In no diagnostic manual that I know of is there a box that says that if you were abused you do not have a paraphilia or a paraphilic sexual orientation or anything of the sort. Making such a distinction is not in the inclusive atmosphere of this site.

In the end, even your own statement say it's possible.

Thanks!
I have spoken on this topic not only from my personal point of view, but from what I know in this field from science. For better understanding about fluidity\stability of human sexuality we must be aware about few simple things:

1) Typical female sexuality is more fluid than typical male sexuality. That’s why bisexuality is more common among females than among males, and that’s why paraphilias (especially pedophilia) is more common among males (some scientists even doubt that pedophilia exists among females), because females can recondition themselves to more appropriate stimulus.

2) Male paraphilics are very different folks. Paraphilia can be 1) optional (sexual arousal from paraphilic stimulus is strong, but less than arousal from normophilic) , 2)preferential (sexual arousal from paraphilic stimulus is greater than (or equal) arousal from normophilic) 3) exclusive (sexual arousal from paraphilic stimulus is very strong, but arousal from normophilic stimulus is null).

Personally I think that’s cases of successful reconditioning of male paraphilia can be better attributed to the fact that this paraphilia was not exclusive.

James Cantor about possibility to change pedophilia (http://www.sexologytoday.org/2013/07/ha ... hiles.html) :” With all of my science and all of my research, I have not been able to find a way to turn pedophiles into non-pedophiles, and I am not sure when or whether any human should ever wield such power” .
I also don’t know when or whether any human should ever wield such power. But I think that understanding of critical periods of neuroplasticity can be useful in our understanding of human sexuality. And we also must understand why female sexuality is more fluid.

1) Typical female sexuality is more fluid than typical male sexuality. That’s why bisexuality is more common among females than among males, and that’s why paraphilias (especially pedophilia) is more common among males (some scientists even doubt that pedophilia exists among females), because females can recondition themselves to more appropriate stimulus.

I don't agree with this.

Are you implying that due to fluid sexuality, females somehow become bisexual? I don't think that's how it works. In a society that views heterosexuality as the norm and homosexuality as a deviation, many are taught to believe that people start heterosexual and then something happens to them and they become homosexual, or bisexual. I don't think that's true at all. I think most if not all bisexual people started out bisexual.

I think that sexuality (in both genders) can be fluid only to a degree. I think that a person starts out with a sexuality, though the way they experience it over time can be fluid. For a person with a paraphilia, for example, their paraphilia may not change, but they may become more exclusive or less exclusive at different times throughout their lives. Their preferences may change slightly but the sexuality they're born with will never change.

I imply that it is easier for female with homosexual inclination to engage in “normal” heterosexual activity than for homosexual male. It is facts that number of male homosexuals is more than twice greater than number of lesbians, and that male bisexuality is very rare.

I have read about interesting experiment. Male and female goats were raised among ewes and rams. When they became mature, male goats were able to copulate only with ewes, but female goat were able to copulate with males of both species (goats and rams). Authors of this experiment claimed that this can be explained by differences in the level of plasticity in sexuality of males and females.

I can find this and other studies about difference in sexual plasticity in females and males, if you have interest in this topic.