The Burial

I attended a childhood friend's viewing and funeral today. We're both only 19 but she had gotten into a car accident. If you've been here for a while, you would know about my Paraphilia. Everyone was different at the service, weather it was sad from the loss, happy from the memories and even angry, i felt ashamed feeling like i had no emotion, i was sad but couldn't cry, happy but couldn't laugh.

The entire time I sat in the back but I could see her face, very peaceful with a smile on her face. Everyone filled the room with her light and how much she impacted each of us. and as much as I wanted to tell myself it was for her funeral the more I realized it was for myself. Morbid and perversion flooded my mind and I could not even focus on my own words.

This was the closest I'll ever come.. I walked to the front and held her hand. I wanted to so bad.. To take her home and to keep with me, why be buried and forgotten..? I even contemplated it, waiting for everyone to leave the burial site. But i couldn't. I forced myself out after they lowered her casket but i took one of the flowers that had laid upon her chest, and put it into a glass box..

Am Wrong for my actions? i really do not know. what is your opinion...

What actions?

You didn't interfear with anyone's grieving process.

I agree, you did nothing wrong.

I'm sorry, I've used the wrong word, what i meant was intentions.
Was it wrong for me to go for myself than for the sake of my friend.

I don't really think your intentions matter so much. And we can't really tell you what's right or wrong in terms of abstract concepts like intentions, that's really for you to decide...

But no, I don't think you did wrong. You went to the funeral and you were there for her and I think that would make her happy

There's a saying, "Funerals are for the living."

There's nothing wrong with your intentions either.

To me it would depend on how pretty she was and how she was dressed in the casket. I have a friend who is a mortician and he once showed me a photo he keeps of a beautiful blonde woman who was 25 when her dead body entered his funeral home and on the day of her funeral this woman was wearing a black mini-skirt in the casket with black stockings and black high heels. Her husband said that she had always been so proud of her nice legs that she would want to show them off. I found that a bit shocking and although I'm not really into necrophilia I wondered to myself if I had been there and no one else was around would I touch her? So I wouldn't torment your mind over this, other people have definitely felt what you've felt. My father once told me that humans are capable of engaging in any type of behavior.