psychosis to obtain sexual purity over being pedo

ok so I put my transition episosdes down to love crushes on normal aged girls. but I recently realised while making a mess of my thread razaels thread in the antipsych forum talking about a bankk account I was robbed of for admitting to teenage crimes of interfereing with a younger cousin when I say 14-15 I( was suffereing strong guilt or karma for it and after looking up online material I got sick off it anti-psych/topic112581-150.html, read from the 8th post down page 16 second paragraph this is when I strted my antipsych suicide into admitting to looking up childporn even, I still metnion some stuff going on about it ongoing but try to play it cool and natural, I don't want it to derail me entirely coz I got a lot to offer maybe to reform spiritually what goes on with people who endc up looking for child porn for whatever reason, no it sounds strange but I think I can help with my interesting in the archangels..so read my thread if you want the details although I talk about it here a bit too.....

the reason my auntee robbed me is I was having psychosis of sorts not that I succumb to labeling over guilt of what I did to my cousin when in my early teens 12-16 maybe not so much 16 but I admitted to my auntee when around at her place with my mum and dad not knowing waht to do with me, I also smoking marijuana and was sensitive to it, I remembered it as love crush on my pyshcology tutor which is better......so my auntee robbed me of this acccount finding out I was having guilt over what I did to my cousin...looking back and since I come clean on my thread I realised the state I was in was for obtaining purity, I had recently looked up child images on the net and was discusted with myself like I had to go through psychosis to obtain purity, the love crush was a catalyst for doing great work with myself...but ultimately the fear of pedo[philia in my blood drew me down.

What gets worse is since she robbed me and set me up with antipsychotics anytime I challenged my family with memories of my own abuse they would sned me to the shrinks mainly through the intentions of my aunt to set me up as a schizophrenic...and yeah she forgot about what she did even to keep it secret thata I might be like a pedo, which I suffered at gods hand and given divine meaning in life through psychosis.....

does anybody relate to extreme states associated to fears of sexual nature

what gets wors Is I not cured since went onto antipsychotic to abort whatever devine nature of the episode and fell back into searching for images and even fair\ly recently while on drugs...

I had a relationship and my attitude toward children grew into more fatherly and clucky over kids and wanting one , I like kids and my attitudes change..especially hate thata feeling of distance from feeling sick over the kind of $#%^ on the net, that sick feeling like I fear I am a danger to be around kids incase I see a really pretty one or something and I come undone into and anxious wreck paranoid in c oming undone as a pedophile maybe for being so nervous or messed up, thats when I knew I should stop the searching images and videos was a seperaate part of my life and when its influence got into my daily life I would thinkk its time to quit or really do some cleansing...joining the club of pedophilia by looking up the same images as pedophiles made me sick...does anybody know what I mean its like joining a filthy club after looking through images so filthy and I hated myself for doing it, perhaps fairly common....

worse thing is when my imaginary freind finds out she is a celbrity ad I not worthy of her attention if I am a pedo, but I know the damage any action would cause on individuals having a grandfather who was a pedo and maybe why I questioned it enough to see if I was the same by looking up stuff on the net and crumbling from it..so I had someone in my family, child abuse was alll through the girls in my family and they messed up from it so I know the damage, I was very close to my older sisters and would meet girls who share information about childhood sometimes to understand the sexual nature of girls once they go into puberty.

so my main topic is psychosis to obtain purity, I seen this before its about evolution, sometimes our evolutions take us to foreign lands where this business of sexuality no longer relivant or stays a habit if anything, a discusting habit thaat needed to be deleted from my hard drive...I kept the japanese stuff of western girls as it took so long to download and fairly soft just the look of their faces if anything they are gorgeous girls I think any normal person would appreiate it and tastefully done..but If i had a love in real life it would be a catalyst for change also, I would get rid of it, don't intend to look at it.....this love crush I talk about from page 11 of my tread I link to is major life changer to get this $#%^ well and truly sorted and understood that I had failed transitions into obtaining purity that were ###$ by pscyhiatry.

actually just to clarify the bankk account I mysticaally produced writing down on some paper when my auntee wondering what to do with me after coming clean...I deposited a check one day to a different bank and so I guess it was that one that I wrote down, and she took me to the bank with a sawnoff shotgun under her jacket...she forgot about it, since it related to her revenge over finding out I was a pedo when I was 15..I just liked her arse it was cousinly love kinda thing I never really hurt her and she turned out a top chick in real life so all is cool I just missing couple hundred thousand dollars and only just remembered after bank records are destroyed, completely forgot it ever happened I was in a raw state and setup as a schizophrenic for the expense of a life battling pedophilic tendencies in what I search on the net and loveless $#%^ land of antipsychotics for the majority of my life on earth....I thinkk I would have dealt with it better if not for psychiatry, not that I would ever talk about it with them, I doubt they would understand ignorant fools.

did I say about metataron is good for seeing from the perspective of children and being better or more inclined to leave good seeds for the future generation and reality set of mankind in the future, I can forsee radicaal shifts taking place if we are lucky children have this potential and the key lies in archangel metatron

I have a story dunno whether I metnioned it already about a time I was walking home and stopped at a barbeque area for a bit and then these 14yearolds started running around in circles around me and singing and thought what the ###$ funny as they got my attention and telling me not to look coz one of them was gonna show off her underware, I didn't look but later on she asked me to look, anyway I guess I had my eyes on the hotter one ..there were some boys with them they said they were out looking for hot guys for sex kkind of thing and asked for some of my ginger wine ...anyway I acted as more of a teacher to them about alcohol and doing stupid things on it and bad sex can't really explain but I don't act like a pedo and put all thi9s $#%^ and filth I couldn't live with out of the picture if it was getting in the way I would freak out, so no sexual feelings about these girls...they also asked me to buy them smokes..i didn't but then on the way home I was walking past a gas station and thought I should go back to them and maybe get them the smokkesandhangoutforabitmore,thoughtImakefreindswiththehot oneI guess for when she gets abit older, but they were gone..maybe just as well acted like a freak on thewayback,someonewas in the barbeque area....

used to find myself hanging out with 17 18yearolds never had factor to get with any of them although sometimes I wound up having sex with 18yearold when 28-29 and one girl had no idea how old I was I just had right energy to be hanging out with 18yearolds...don't anymore, antipsychotics have ruined me. don't seem to miss it it usually trouble hanging out with chicks that age they are trouble ones that I hung out with..used to be on a social site made texting buddies with interstate 16yearolds that was fun but never got serious with any of them except one of the 18year old, she not so good and maybe shouldn't even mention she might be type to lie about age her freind was 17 but we hardly even had sex kissed a bit but then a mate from other side of town called and wanted to have his mate stay with me the night co he had to come down for something and ruined my chances of hooking up with two girls he was like pedo hunter but funny thing is was the foulest talking about having babies with the race of girl that I got with the 18yearold.and wanted to sleep in between the two girls to keem me from having sex, he thought they were too young, actually the girl I got with said she got raped a while ago, she in a bad way I think psychologically coz the guy brought weed and made her worse, but she was just trouble anyway horny chickreally, maybe Ishould get back in contactits been a while am 32now.

i didn't know wwhere esle to write aout this, its interesting, i was gonna write in my astral lovers thread but I dont want to reveal what is really going on with my astral lovers at the moment....so I am not a pedo I had astral sex with kim kardashian it was awesome her massive arse turns me on but she couldn't handle it and then kept trying as I was turned on but then it felt wrong, she is married so shhe tried toset me up with her sistter.....but whats going on that fits this forum is Imasturbated over a hot 11yr old bum I sore down the street, I dunno what she was doing just standing thier wearing tights for me to see her bum, it was the best bum I have ever seen, but what was happening when I masturbated over it she caught on and she liked it she would do sexy postures, still couldn't see it very well forgot what it looked like nothing spec ial......so long story I coexist as an archangel in the land of the archangel and I wanted to see what her bum was like when she grows up, and I gonna be famous over sending the shrinks to prison and making myself filthy rich and I wasnted to see her, so then an astral thing started with the girl, she came to me and knew what she was doing as an older girl and we had sex, problem is the 11yr old was feeling it and was disturbed, but then wanted more, so we couldn't have sex with her older self and her bum looks good by the way, so in bed with an 11yr old hungry for sex rubbing her bum on my cock like gently I could see it all, I was masturbating a lot and she kept making me horny, until last night when I wasn't getting into it, she says to me that I am hers and has won over kim kardashians sister...I like it but I feel wrong, my archangel self is looking after her, what if I get in trouble, the federal officials taking care of the psychaitrists don't think i have a problem they know...what should I do, after having sex withh her older self we said this can't happen again but she likes me, its almost real il ......what Have I done to this girl? I don't feel wrong just every underage girl I see now seems like she has met my archangel and is really happy, this girl knows what its like to have sex already......please don't try to get some from her, she didn't want me writing about it, she is protected so nobody try to get intot he fantasy with her, I don't know if anyone is capable of that, just in case.....I like it but am worried its gonna make me a pedo because until now I never had experience in bbed with 11yr old, I don't feel dirty and the archangels are looking over it, she says I am hers and there no going back....I jsut wanna see her bum when she is older, I never anticipated that she would know what she is doing and have some pretty wild sex and she could handle it, actually her 11yr old self couldn
t ahndle it and we said we never do that again but we did she wants more then juswt bumming, she says as soon as she turns 16 she gonna track me down and have sex with me, I hope she saves herself because this sex thing could get her in trouble, what should I do?

oh no!! I made a bidg mistake talking about it, I failed her.....now pedo's are gonna be onto it and wanna see what I mean about her bum

she wants to do the bumming thing in real life, I am not sure waht to do, I would get in trouble and as if ...I might want more, she wants more but she is too little...she appeared to me as 14yr old so maybe not have to wait too long before she gets her way with me.

had to take a break from her, was getting chaotic with the apperance of the prosecuted pscyhaitrist that treidn to tell her I am a schizopphrenic bitch, whats she trying to proove, plus because I talked abouut it I had trouble with people trying to peak in....by the way there is no way I be capable of dion the things she does to me on the astral in real life, I just couldn't even though she wants to meet me, I like that too, can't say I am in love with her or antyhthing, and glad she probably too young to have those feelings about me good, my arc hangel self is stepping in to fill my place and showing her some things, I like how my archangel self is developing, he can induce pleasure like that, its fun and possible, actually I still don't know what he is capable of but it blew the little girls mind anyway, all good at least this astral version, not sure what she is really doing like when she is at school , wonder if she has talked about me, she seems to be, I like it to think she tells her mum so she can get dropped off to my place and her mum happy for her to maybe date me when she is older, can't do any sexy stuff in real life...I am glad I know that

I should put a warning out that I will bash any mother #####& that tries to ###$ with her, I am very protective but it almost come undone and nightwish keybordist wanted to ###$ her and we killed him, me and the archangels, think it worked too not having a problem anymore and now he just hovers over us to remind him where he ###$ up I guess, dead ###$ couldn't stand to see waht he was doing to her like sex but he wasn't taouuching her and that was after tryingunsusessfully to lure her it was real trooubble and changed her it was haorrible, but he wanted to ###$ an eleven year old, so warning thatwe are catching a lot of pedophilses with this at the international prosecutors they identify everyone I bring up and been a lot of pedos trying to ###$ with her, they didn't really know waht to do with nightwsish but we killed him so all good, so then he beyond the grave organise da heap of pedophilse to try to capture her, can't stand it, we have a s\acred marriage we married on the astral and nightwish nealy r and pleasure games, .....l so I am pretty protective of waht I got with her as I said its a savred marriage, I hope we meet one day.

there is one thing, some decent types were groupind together to find out my secret politely and I roused a lot of other little girls that like my grirlfriend but seemed they wanted mercy and a way out, ut these girls wanna have some fun and now nobody there, they not like pedophiles though and I don't blame them,but decen peope might get some treatmetn and a way out too, one guuy failed wen he tried to steal my power they weren't ttoo happy about loosing that one, maybe more will show up for them, decent types.