Am I a peodophile?

Hello. I'm a 47-year old woman with an 18-, 19-, and 20-year old (both genders). I've never done or had any sexually inappropriate thoughts about them. However, I am aroused by the thought of seeing a boy (age 5-10) in a state of innocent arousal. Aroused to the point that these are the only thoughts that bring me to orgasm. I would never touch or harm any child in real life, but spend time online just hoping to find pictures of naked young boys during arousal (to no avail yet). Am I just attracted to what I cannot have or does this fit the description of a peodophile? This word horrifies me and I am so ashamed of myself. I am otherwise such a good person.

Be less hateful to yourself, having a fantasy thought, even if frequent does not make you a bad person, I would not look for such pictures if I were you but do not be down on yourself for the thoughts you have, I am a pedophile and have had far worse thoughts, but they remain just that, thoughts only, as long as you never act on them and keep yourself to yourself with such thoughts I doubt you have to worry about it too much.

Chances are that you are one, but one fantasy could not mean much. More information should be provided, like how long have you been fantasizing about it? We know you don't want to harm a child, but do you think about sex with them? Do you feel primarily or exclusively attracted to boys that age?

I've never thought about how long I've had these fantasies. Since I was 6 or 7 I had been obsessed with seeing a penis. I was always trying to get little boys to show me theirs. I have no memories of what I saw, but I guess the interest has always been there. I am attracted to grown men and am very sexually satisfied by my boyfriend. I don't fantasize about having sex with boys, just about watching them get aroused and fondled. I don't understand where this comes from. When I was in high school, my mom dated a man who tried his hardest to get me to look at porn with him. He even exposed himself to me a couple times (I never looked - I loathed this man so much I wouldn't give him the satisfaction). He made advances toward me, but despite his pressure and a lack of parents who would listen to me, I stayed strong against him. I don't know if this period of my life has any influence on my peodophilic fantasies or not. I wish I understood this side if me better. I don't like not understanding myself.

I often have wondered myself if I fit the description of pedophile. My fantasy world at times involves young girls but my sex life is very active and normal with a wonderful woman. You are not alone in exploring your fantasy world in a safe manner. It's great to have people that understand what you are going through to talk to.

So, okay, you're saying that ever since you were 6-7 you were obsessed with seeing a penis. It could be considered a childish curiosity, many children if not all are curious about anatomical differences between the sexes and so on (be careful, I said innocent curiosity and not desire to engage in sexual activity. Freud would prove me wrong here).
It is very possible that at that point in your life, some kind of doubt remained as part of the curiosity was not fully satisfied. You lost memory of what you saw and you would like to live through that again so you feel like you are still curious about boys that age. I think the key of it all resides in that childhood experiences (or missed ones) you had. You want yo see again what you don't remember. It's like you partially got stuck in that period of your life.
You were curious about boys' bodies back then and you are re-manifesting this curiosity now as an adult woman. It's funny how our mind is able to do things that apparently have no sense.
Human mind is fascinating and mysterious. We cannot fully comprehend its processes.
So, if you ask me why this childish state of curiosity is manifesting in your adult age, I would not know how to really explain it.
From what you are telling, you are far from pedophilia. There are not the basics of a pedophilic attraction.
There is no evidence supporting that. You say you are not attracted to children just curious about seeing them in certain situations.
I would not say you are a pedophile, but of course only time can tell for sure. Many people find it out later in life, but in most cases you already know that by your late adolescence years or early 20s.
From what you say, you do not sound like one.

Thank you so much for your thoughts. They make a lot of sense to me. Can you tell me, if someone is stuck in their past on something like my issue, can they ever get past it?

-- Sat Dec 28, 2013 2:23 pm --

Thank you so much for your thoughts. They make a lot of sense to me. Can you tell me, if someone is stuck in their past on something like my issue, can they ever get past it?

-- Sat Dec 28, 2013 2:25 pm --

Thank you so much for your thoughts. They make a lot of sense to me. Can you tell me, if someone is stuck in their past on something like my issue, can they ever get past it?

Catastrophe88 wrote:I've never thought about how long I've had these fantasies. Since I was 6 or 7 I had been obsessed with seeing a penis. I was always trying to get little boys to show me theirs. I have no memories of what I saw, but I guess the interest has always been there. I am attracted to grown men and am very sexually satisfied by my boyfriend. I don't fantasize about having sex with boys, just about watching them get aroused and fondled. I don't understand where this comes from. When I was in high school, my mom dated a man who tried his hardest to get me to look at porn with him. He even exposed himself to me a couple times (I never looked - I loathed this man so much I wouldn't give him the satisfaction). He made advances toward me, but despite his pressure and a lack of parents who would listen to me, I stayed strong against him. I don't know if this period of my life has any influence on my peodophilic fantasies or not. I wish I understood this side if me better. I don't like not understanding myself.

You stated in your earlier post that you can only achieve orgasm to the thoughts of the boys... Is that just alone, or with your boyfriend as well? When you say watching them get fondled, who is fondling them?

When the man your mom was dating was trying to get you to watch porn, do you remember what kind of porn it was?

I am in a similar situation where I feel like I am "stuck" in my childhood, although for me I feel like I'm the little boy always looking for a mom type. Yes, I think you can get beyond this, and honestly I think that is what most therapy is about, getting beyond those childhood traumas that have you stuck in patterns that you continue to relive in your adult life. My recommendation is for you to seek a therapist and rather than focus on these fantasies look at other things that may have been there (Like this boyfriend) that may have triggered these fantasies in the first place.

If you feel able, please talk to a professional who could help you work through these thoughts and could help you understand where they are coming from, and ultimately help you to move on from what sounds like a traumatic childhood experience. I definitely think these thoughts could be attributed to your childhood experience. I know you have said that u would never act on your thoughts in real life and obviously that is a good thing, but please be mindful that these images are of real children and it is real life for them so please speak to a professional rather than seeking out images of children who are being abused themselves

Some of you guys are saying that she is possibly caught in a childhood experience or trauma and that she should work with a therapist to get past it. Do you think working with the therapist will make these fantasies go away?