What even am I?

I am a 19 year old homosexual male and I'm concerned about my sexual preferences. My interests range mostly from boys aged 14-22. If it weren't for it being illegal I would totally have sex with a 14 year old and I don't even think that's wrong.
It gets worse however. I'm into porn. Stuff that pushes my limits but is always consensual. While I have NEVER downloaded or sought out child pornography, I have seen it before and images of people as young as 11 years old got me very sexually aroused. Like I don't remember the last time I have been that excited. This doesn't normally carry over to real life however with the exception of one occasion when I was 16. There was a boy who was 9 who I was extremely, extremely sexually attracted too. While I'd have never made a move, if he instigated something, I can't say I'd stop him. There have been a few other occasions where boys as young as about 11/12 have attracted me but it's not very common and those weren't even nearly as strong.
I am also into incest pornography. I don't have any attraction to any family members, close or distant whatsoever but the idea of incest and the circumstances upon which it would happen excite me a hell of a lot. I read mostly incest erotica to get me off. It's usually Dad/son stuff but has also been Brother/brother and even Mother/Son, despite the fact that I have no attraction to females at all! I think this is because I read the stories imagining only really the boy and the circumstance (including incest). It's more voyeuristic that active take part for me. The boy in question is also never above the age of 19. The closure to 15 for this stuff the better.
I also have a few kinks, nothing too weird. I have a sock fetish (not foot), school uniforms etc. Things that are 'wrong' generally do it for me, maybe exactly for that reason.
I am most interested in people my own age though. It's just whenever I do get attracted to someone younger, it tends to be very strong.
I am not interested in pre-pubescent children, only pubescent.
I'm not sure what to make of all these feelings. I know I'll never make a move on someone underage but I'm still concerned about my mental health.

I'm going to tell you what you need to hear, and I'm sorry if it's blunt, but there's no point in making a joke of it. You're on a slope with what you're looking at for stimuli, and you need to reign it in before you suddenly find that you're not in control any more.

There are a lot of things that ring alarm bells with that post. Most obviously your admission that you would "totally have sex with a 14 year old" and you don't even think that's wrong.

While I have NEVER downloaded or sought out child pornography, I have seen it before and images of people as young as 11 years old got me very sexually aroused. Like I don't remember the last time I have been that excited.

That's when you know you've got to reign it in. That's how people find themselves addicted to these images. You'll accidentally stumble across more, and every time they'll excite you a bit less. The temptation will be there to see something stronger to get the same effect, and that's where many people lose control.

Get a grip. Don't let that happen to you.

Thanks for the feedback. Perhaps I should clear up a few things.
In terms of the porn, I understand your concern that perhaps it could get more out of hand (I can't say I'm not concerned myself) but I am now at a stage that it is one of the few things that really gets me going. The erotica that is, so we're clear. And I'm not so sure I can just roll things back to a total vanilla experience. At least with the fiction, no one is actually being exploited. I know that sounds like I'm trying to justify it but I think it's an important distinction.
In regard to what I said of 14 year olds, I should clear this up. I'm from a country where the age of consent is 16 and as such, sex amongst people aged 14 is common knowledge and for the most part accepted. Amongst their peers of course. When I say I don't think there is anything wrong with me being willing to have sex with them, I mean that with the assumption that the person would be both physically and emotionally developed enough to be able to give consent. Even though it wouldn't technically be legal, it's my personal opinion that it should count. That's what I mean when I say there's nothing wrong with it, not that it's ok to have sex with all of the 14 year olds.

Perhaps a lack of opportunity for any proper relationship with someone my own age is a contributing factor to why I am developing these feelings. As a way to excite myself. My preference is totally that of my peers. The only real reason I'm into younger dudes (below 16) is because of the taboo of it. When it comes to actual relationships, I can only see myself with my peers (16-22). Yet pornography of 18 year olds is boring now.

I just wish I could under where these feelings for younger people come from and what on earth the incest thing is all about.

I guess erotica is fine but be careful with the porn, pornographic images of kids 11 years old is harmful to those kids. Porn that is "seemingly consensual" isn't actually consensual if the kids are under the age of consent.
Does fantasy (like imagining situations in your head) help you get off? When I was trying to disconnect myself from porn, this happened to help me. Unless you're the kind of person who is prone to acting out your fantasies in real life (which you should never ever do), you should give it a try and see if that helps you get less dependent on porn. Stay away from the internet and find more productive activities.
You say that your age range goes from 14-22, and that you're gay. I don't know what the climate is with homosexuality in your country, but if you have the opportunity, you should try to go out and meet other gay men over the age of consent that you can legally get together with.

skeleton-countess wrote:I guess erotica is fine but be careful with the porn, pornographic images of kids 11 years old is harmful to those kids. Porn that is "seemingly consensual" isn't actually consensual if the kids are under the age of consent.
Does fantasy (like imagining situations in your head) help you get off? When I was trying to disconnect myself from porn, this happened to help me. Unless you're the kind of person who is prone to acting out your fantasies in real life (which you should never ever do), you should give it a try and see if that helps you get less dependent on porn. Stay away from the internet and find more productive activities.
You say that your age range goes from 14-22, and that you're gay. I don't know what the climate is with homosexuality in your country, but if you have the opportunity, you should try to go out and meet other gay men over the age of consent that you can legally get together with.

The issue is, despite complete acceptance for my homosexuality (i know, aint i lucky?), meeting people has proven difficult. I have very specific tastes and it's rare people have feelings back for me.
I'm aware 'seemingly consensual' isn't actually consensual in the eyes of the law, I'm just debating AOC don't really fufill their function (other than to protect the very, very young).
I can imagine situations in my head and they help get me off but masturbation without some form of motivator has been considerably more challenging for a while now. I'm not the type of person that is prone to acting out my fantasies. I don't often get the opportunity! haha (not that I'd ever do anything with a minor. Whether they consented or not)
I have plenty of other healthy hobbies and porn doesn't take up a huge amount of my time. I probably watch/read porn the same amount as any other teenager. The difference is, my tastes is all. (to be clear, everything I watch contains only legal consenting adults).

The main thing I'd like to figure out is whether or not I'm a pedophile/hebephile/ephebophile.

When I say I don't think there is anything wrong with me being willing to have sex with them, I mean that with the assumption that the person would be both physically and emotionally developed enough to be able to give consent. Even though it wouldn't technically be legal, it's my personal opinion that it should count. That's what I mean when I say there's nothing wrong with it, not that it's ok to have sex with all of the 14 year olds.

I'm aware 'seemingly consensual' isn't actually consensual in the eyes of the law, I'm just debating AOC don't really fufill their function (other than to protect the very, very young).

Aoc is there to protect children from being exposed to something they are not ready for. That is their function.

A 14 year old in your country is not able to give consent however much you may feel they should be. It is illegal to have sexual contact with a person who is under the age of consent and I advise you strongly to challenge your thoughts about this as you seem to be making excuses for yourself. You are an adult male and a 14 year old is a child, if nothing else in the eyes of the law. Condoning this kind of behavior is not appropriate here.

When it comes to actual relationships, I can only see myself with my peers (16-22). Yet pornography of 18 year olds is boring now.

I think this is some of what Graveyard was alluding to: when you watch pornography you will have a need for the images to get more and more extreme.

I'm glad you can be completely out as a gay male, not hiding that part of your sexuality is great
I strongly advice you though to seek support from a mental health professional as you are in position where it seems like things have spiraled a bit for you.

Best of luck.

Sorry, I don't mean to condone it. I realise I need to be careful for others here. I don want to trigger anyone. That being said, I still have my opinions about age of consent. But I'd never ever break the laws on it regardless of my personal feelings. It's just not worth it.
If anyone has any techniques for how to cut out the weird porn, I'd appreciate it.
As for seeing a therapist. I don't think I'm at risk to anyone at all. More just to myself (seeking more and more extreme pornography). I am very in control of behavior with others. Having someone to talk to would be good though. I'm just concerned about getting put on some list. I know there's confidentiality but if they're concerned at all, they get all the officials involved. I don't think I could go through something like that.

For once I'll have to disagree with Graveyard76's opinion on the matter. Although you have your need for pornographic material, from what it sounds like, it isn't a large enough issue in your life to be considered an addiction. Despite there being a clear need for taboo material, and even possibly at an escalating rate, I don't believe your issue is stemming from an ever intensifying need to satisfy, thus eventually leading to taboo material. Instead, it appears as though it is simply a sexual preference.

It would also seem as though your evolving taste of pornography (such as the integration into incest) may be a separate from that of your attraction to younger men. Of course, it's a little early to classify you as a Hebephiliac (one who is attracted to younger peoples between the ages of 11-14) or a Ephebophiliac (sexually attracted to individuals between 15-19) due to you being in that age already.

I do agree with Graveyard76's recommendation to be careful where your pornographic tastes can lead you, but still hold the opinion that your age preferences are separate.

At this very moment we don't have enough information to give you a more precise outlook on what you're experiencing. This is simply a different perception for what may really be the variables.

Ghost147 wrote:For once I'll have to disagree with Graveyard76's opinion on the matter. Although you have your need for pornographic material, from what it sounds like, it isn't a large enough issue in your life to be considered an addiction. Despite there being a clear need for taboo material, and even possibly at an escalating rate, I don't believe your issue is stemming from an ever intensifying need to satisfy, thus eventually leading to taboo material. Instead, it appears as though it is simply a sexual preference.

It would also seem as though your evolving taste of pornography (such as the integration into incest) may be a separate from that of your attraction to younger men. Of course, it's a little early to classify you as a Hebephiliac (one who is attracted to younger peoples between the ages of 11-14) or a Ephebophiliac (sexually attracted to individuals between 15-19) due to you being in that age already.

I do agree with Graveyard76's recommendation to be careful where your pornographic tastes can lead you, but still hold the opinion that your age preferences are separate.

At this very moment we don't have enough information to give you a more precise outlook on what you're experiencing. This is simply a different perception for what may really be the variables.

I'd have thought that, considering I can (even though it's rare) be attracted to boys as young as 9, that'd automatically make me some kind of paraphiliac? I mean, we're talking a desire to be sexually intimate with them. While it's rare that it happens in real life, in porn, the attraction surfaces much more frequently.
I'd agree that I am not addicted to porn, but I am concerned about the escalating nature of it. Erotica seems to facilitate that. It allows you to go to very extreme places without actually doing anything illegal. I remember when I had no interest in incest and an attraction to anyone outside of a year or two older or younger than me was none existent.

DavidThomas69 wrote:I'd have thought that, considering I can (even though it's rare) be attracted to boys as young as 9, that'd automatically make me some kind of paraphiliac? I mean, we're talking a desire to be sexually intimate with them.

I don't see how that wouldn't be a possibility. The direct Greek translation is a combination of pará (beside, near, because of) and Philia (love). In psychology "Paraphilia" simply describes the experience of intense sexual arousal. This intensity can cause distress to the person who has the Paraphilia, or to what/who it pertains to. Opposed to a fetish which would constitute more of a simple turn-on. It wouldn't be unfair to say that you may be describing the tendencies of a Hebephiliac or a Ephebophiliac, but - once again - your age is a factor that renders the concludsion indeterminable at this point in time.

Your satisfaction with incest, however, would simply be a fetish evolved from a need for an ever increasing sense of taboo material. As I suggested before.

I don't relate well with preventative measures concerning your conflict with pornography, however. So I'd have to hand that issue off to another with more knowledge of that topic.