does it sound as a potential danger to society?

He spends a lot of his time locked in his own room, sometimes he just wants to isolate himself from everything and everyone. Many times he complains about how people's presence becomes suffocating for him, so he needs to just turn all the lights off, lay in his bed, close his eyes and just forget about the entire world, and when this situaiton gets severe, it might be distressing for friends.

He's an extremely lonely person. He's been attending college for two years and still made friends with no one. If he talks to new people, it's because those people approached him first, or because his friends introduced them to him, otherwise, he avoids all kinds of social interaction.
He'd sit in a relatively isolated place, watching other college students as if there was a thick, invisible glass separating himself from the others. He watches them, analyzes their moves, their behaviors and thinks about how he's got no social skills and remains cut off from all social activities. But he's happy with that, you know. He feels superior in a way, but not in a narcissistic, pathological way.

People find him charming, he makes very good impressions to friends and people getting to know him. Once you gain his trust and friendship (which is very hard), you find out that behind that cold and detached appearance lies a friendly person, a friend ready to help you in every situation and a person who likes to joke and have funny moments. But he's got some kind of double personality: he's cold and detached from society, no matter what, he's a cold person. He's only friendly and funny with very close friends, but for him getting close friends is real hard. He tends to push most of people away, you have to give him an immediate good impression in order to gain his sympathy.
He had more friends in the past, he was a little bit friendlier, but now....he's unapproachable for the vast majority of people and it's almost a challenge to gain his trust. It's probably because of the unpleasant past experiences he had with his peers, they shaped his mind since adolescence, since childhood.

When we were at elementary school he frequently cried because he could not bear the fact he was being temporarily separated from his mom. He's always been extremely close to his mother, they have always had a very close relationship. So, when he was a kid he would not separate from his mother, ever. Social situations were a total hell to him back in elementary school. As time went by, he slowly learned to be a little more independent from his mother, and this happened with the help of adult figures who guarranteed protection and care for him: teachers.

He tends to be aggressive. He was much more aggressive before, now he kinda "calmed down", but still....it's not hard to see anger in his eyes.

"Please, let her come too", R. was begging him to let her (female) friend come, as they had to go to a school trip (including him). We don't know why R. asked for his "permission" to "let a friend come", but probably R. sensed his overwhelming psychological pression. He refused to "allow" the favor. The other girl got mad and walked away. Later, on the bus, R. repeatedly and gently asked him "why didn't you want her to come with us?", he looked away after every question, but in the end he replied "because if she was here, you wouldn't talk to me and stay with me, and I wouldn't stand the fact that I could be ignored by you".

He threatened other girls he loved that he'd commit suicide if they didn't keep talking to him or if they even tried to stop contacts with him. He makes friends believe that he actually wanted to die. Yes, it is true that he thought of suicide but why tell the girls? He wanted to instill pity into their minds, so they'd keep talking and going out with him. It's a highly manipulative logic.

R. was being stalked by him. He'd collect information about her college, about where she could dwell in that city, he planned on visiting her someday. He acted like a stalker. He often acts like a stalker, but he's never been a danger to anyone, except that she made R.'s life so hard and distressing during their friendship.

It's like he wants power. He needs power. He feels satisfied when he's in control, especially when he's in control of a girl. And now that he found out about his p., he'd love to be in control of a l.girl, and I wonder what in the world it's going on in his head.

He frequently texts that 12 year-old girl. The reason why he does that is beyond my understanding. What's the point of texting a 12 year-old girl who (of course) shows no romantic interest in you and who does not even know you? They have never met in person, they live 4 hours away from each other, what's the point of doing this? He helped her with homework and did absolutely nothing wrong, he's always so gentle and nice to her, he compliments telling her that she's smart and that she's pretty, but what is he expecting to receive from a 12 year-old girl? Is he trying to show off? Probably. He asks nothing in return when he helps her with something, it's not like he asks for pictures or something, he seems like he does what he does just to keep the contacts with her.
I don't see him as dangerous. He knows exactly where she lives, and I mean, her exact home address. She didn't tell him, he found it out somehow, just to prove to himself that he can do things.

Back to the relationship with R., she later began a "toy to play with". He loved forcing his presence in her life, almost like a stalker, he loved that, no matter how depressed and sad he was because she ignored him. After that they fought and she kept distant from him, he tried in every way possible to get inside her life again, forcing his presence, but then cured himself and stopped this behavior. He likes to be feared, he loves to do that. He loves to feel superior to people but especially to women.
_____

This is a 3rd person description of the most significant traits of my personality. It's easier to describe yourself pretending that you're describing someone else, so here it goes.
The reason why I'm posting it here is because I am seriously thinking about starting antidepressants again, being SSRI type which is known to have the side effect of reducing sex drive.
The reason why I'm doing this type of work on myself is because I want at all costs to block my "dark side" from taking over, something that shouldn't happen in unhealthy and unsafe ways.

needing help...

He knows exactly where she lives, and I mean, her exact home address. She didn't tell him, he found it out somehow, just to prove to himself that he can do things.

Back to the relationship with R., she later began a "toy to play with". He loved forcing his presence in her life, almost like a stalker, he loved that, no matter how depressed and sad he was because she ignored him. After that they fought and she kept distant from him, he tried in every way possible to get inside her life again, forcing his presence, but then cured himself and stopped this behavior. He likes to be feared, he loves to do that. He loves to feel superior to people but especially to women

Those 2 parts are the only elements that I'd say are potential dangers to society, especially in the "loves to feel superior" aspect. Finding out contact information and living info of an individual? Not that alarming since people do it all the time...sorta like men masturbating to women's pictures on Facebook and this is somehow "normal" although it's creepy nonethless. But when associating pedophilia with finding personal information of a young person it is very worrying indeed...but seeing how active you are here I highly trust you wont do anything bad with her.

Being somewhat of a social recluse myself (I have few friends and only one very close friend) and preferring multiplayer video games to partying 24/7, social isolation is only harmful to us and is easily curable if we are determined to reach out to people. IMO a lot of social recluses, including me, are like this because we are afraid of rejection and getting hurt, which is what you seem to be.


But hey, life is all about taking risks...for example one day you decide not to do a homework in hopes that a teacher wont take it, and going to college is a risk in itself... theres not much guarantee that college will secure you a financially comfortable life like all Americans envision having.

Traveling for 4 hours to get to do what? Spy on her outside of her home or follow her or worse?
I find it not only disgusting and evil, but also very far from turning into reality as it's really not in my intention and I hate hurting people especially little girls. It is something I just hate. There are many reasons why:

- I'd hate ruining an innocent's life
- I am very protective towards her and little girls in general
- I am not a child molester and working on avoiding turning into one
- I am a good, caring person with who deserves

I wouldnt even be able to get to where she lives as it is a big city and I dont have a car to go around and around. But even if I had it, I wouldnt do anything simply because I have good morals and care about little girls.

Besides all of that, even though I do not represent a danger, I am planning on taking meds again in order to help me relax and possibly lower my sex drive.
Taking measures to prevent is what I want to do.

Let me correct you on this.
I am not a social recluse because I fear rejection. I only fear rejection from people I love like family and friends. I dont care about a stranger disliking me or what. I am sure many people in college dont like me as I never talk to anyone and might come across as rude maybe...but I just dont care.

I am a social recluse as you say, because it is in my personality from birth, because I want to be independent from others and I dont like having people around who might want to influence my daily drcisions and lifestyle (example a friend begging me to go out when I dont feel like going out) and since I am a weird person in general, I hate giving explanations to people about why I am and do certain things (for example why I am so socially withdrawn).

Last but not least, I have autistic traits as even my psychologist said, and it matches perfectly woth the self-diagnosis I made: high-functioning autism.

You see how an autistic person has difficulties relating to people....

I think there are some red flags there that are problematic from the standpoint of keeping safe.

Whether or not SSRI's are the way to go, only you can tell.
I hope you can find some peace with the help they may give.

lifelongthing wrote:I think there are some red flags there that are problematic from the standpoint of keeping safe.

Whether or not SSRI's are the way to go, only you can tell.
I hope you can find some peace with the help they may give.

Hoping that SSRI antidepressant I will soon begin to take again will have on me the sexual side effect, as it would mean that my sex drive will decrease. Furthermore, they are also antiobsessive meds, hopefully they will erase obsessive images/fantasies.
My plan is to lessen the obsessive side of fantasies, turning them into regular healthy fantasies which will just allow me enjoy myself without indeed feeling that sense of oppression caused by obsessive thinking. The meds I take are also meant to lessen the symptoms of OCD in general.

A combination of benzodiazepines + selective serotonine reuptake inhibitors should do the job.
Hoping so....

It sounds like you have a healthy plan Best of luck.

lifelongthing wrote:It sounds like you have a healthy plan Best of luck.

Thank you very much for your support. I'm doing that not only for my own health but especially for the sake of young girls around me, they need to be safe and free to live their life freely and without fear or a sense of worry, even in my presence.