Did your parents play a role in your paraphilia?

What role if any did your parents play in your development of a paraphilia?

I grew up with a strict mother who could also be very verbally aggressive although most of the time this aggression wasn't directed at me, it was directed at adult women (neighbors, co-workers). I can remember hearing her talk on the telephone and the harsh tone of the intense power struggles she had with these women. A frequent theme was that "such and such woman needs to be put in her place" or "she needs to be taken down a few pegs", I could see how overhearing this kind of hostile dominance/submission talk played a role in the development of my masochistic humiliation paraphilia. Because later on as a teenager when I got bullied by stronger boys at school I had to be at least subconsciously aware that they were "taking me down a few pegs" and "putting me in my place"

KevinG3I I
grew up with a strict mother

I do believe parents often play a role. A very strict mother/father or say a very religious family where there is a strong moral code.
I think this 'strong moral code' represses normal behaviour, criminalises it, making sex a subversive 'bad' thing, a secret, a sin, and warps a child's perception of sexuality. Screwed up and confused their ideas of how sex should be, how it fits into a normal life is seriously damaged.

More than 100 reports in the scientific and professional literature, involving more than 35,000
subjects, indicate that rapists, child molesters, incestuous parents, and sexually
motivated murderers are typically very conservative in their sexual and social values and sometimes more religious than average

http://hules.us/SCI_SUM2.pdf
At my school years ago there was a girl, I didn't like her particularly, she kept to herself pretty much. Self contained I suppose you'd call it. She could be cutting with her tongue ya know, rather sarcastic. The odd one out somehow.
Her parents were very religious and very strict, she was not allowed out, she was not allowed boyfriends.
In later years we met again, there was to be school reunion. When she was asked if she wanted to go she said "No. Those days were the worse of my life."
Turned out her very pious, strict, religious 'father' had been raping her for years.

This study of 50 incarcerated child sexual offenders found that, while growing up, 65% attended
church daily, 33% attended church weekly, and only 2% attended church rarely.

In another local family, a family with a very strict bullying military father, the brother and sister had an incestuous relationship, I think in an effort to get some form of 'love' ,comfort, whilst living in a loveless, cold, environment.

So I think parents can have a huge role in the development of a paraphilia.

The following is an edited list of things I included in another thread:

• I grew up in a family where my sisters were treated better and it was not okay to be a boy.
• I was sexually abused for proximately two months by our babysitter when I was six.
• When I was a child I wanted to be a girl. Today I want to be an adult in the body of a female child. I want to have the body of a female child more than anything else in the world.
• I think sex is gross.
• My hormones are in conflict with what I think, causing frustration.
• I have been looking at pictures of girls in the nude in library books because I want to look at the type of body that I wish I have.
• If I do get a body of a female child, I want one that is desexualized. I do NOT want to feel any sexual pleasure and if there is any residual sexual urges, I want them removed.
• If I got a new body, I only want conservative clothes.

Arik wrote:The following is an edited list of things I included in another thread:

• I grew up in a family where my sisters were treated better and it was not okay to be a boy.
• I was sexually abused for proximately two months by our babysitter when I was six.
• When I was a child I wanted to be a girl. Today I want to be an adult in the body of a female child. I want to have the body of a female child more than anything else in the world.
• I think sex is gross.
• My hormones are in conflict with what I think, causing frustration.
• I have been looking at pictures of girls in the nude in library books because I want to look at the type of body that I wish I have.
• If I do get a body of a female child, I want one that is desexualized. I do NOT want to feel any sexual pleasure and if there is any residual sexual urges, I want them removed.
• If I got a new body, I only want conservative clothes.

Can I ask you something? Is the girl in your avatar an example of how you want to look?

KevinG31 wrote:Can I ask you something? Is the girl in your avatar an example of how you want to look?

I am a fan fiction and round robin writer, more specifically science fiction. I have been writing myself in stories as married to a Chobits series artificial life form. For one writing project, which did not get of the ground, I needed to provide a profile picture of my android wife, Hikaru.

I tried to make the profile picture as close to her, given what meez.com has. I attempted to make her look close to Yuzuki.

It is a sexless marriage with female companionship. If I am to remain a man, my ideal marriage would be with an artificial life form.

Arik, are you sure that what you have is a paraphilia? A paraphilia is sexual. You want to have a female body for non sexual reasons.

Arik wrote:I grew up in a family where my sisters were treated better and it was not okay to be a boy.

I felt like that as a kid, but I think it was all in my head. No one ever told me it wasn't okay to be a boy, I just felt it.

P.S. the girl in your avatar is very cute.

I don't think my parents had anything to do with my pedophilia. They never abused me, verbally or physically, which is obviously good. They were understanding, supportive, wise, funny, and reasonable.

But they never really pushed me to be social or to try new things or to do anything at all really. They were perfectly happy to just let me sit at home playing video games all day every day when not at school. I had near perfect grades in school, so I guess they didn't see the need to fix what ain't broke. My childhood was completely devoid of any regular relationship with people my own age. I had a small group of friends, but I found hanging out to be quite undesirable for the most part. I just wanted to hang around them at school and that was it.

Perhaps my lack of social interest, which was partly due to my parents (though I am hesitant to "blame" them; they always had good intentions), combined with puberty, led to me being a person with a lot of romantic and sexual energy that I didn't know where to place. I didn't see people my own age as a source of happiness, so I probably tended towards an alternative.

SpecialCuteHugs, You are an only child?
Only children can end up very self contained, able to amuse themselves without the necessity for others and find sharing or cooperating with a team tiresome.
You sound like you were a reasonably content child.

Do you wish your parents had pushed you to be more social?

Yorkshirelass wrote:SpecialCuteHugs, You are an only child?
Only children can end up very self contained, able to amuse themselves without the necessity for others and find sharing or cooperating with a team tiresome.
You sound like you were a reasonably content child.

Do you wish your parents had pushed you to be more social?

Oh I should have mentioned, I am a youngest sibling. I have a brother and sister that I grew up with. However, my brother has Asperger's so my social interactions with him were of an abnormal nature (we never really "talked" about stuff, we just did things together and joked around). My sister wasn't diagnosed with any such illness. She could socialize just fine with people outside the family, but she rarely wanted to. She just kept to herself because she was happy that way. I think she was a lot like me at the time. She was later diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

I was a very content child, but for some reason I am having trouble being a content adult. I have to spend the majority of my time around people I just can't relate to. People try to engage in smalltalk with me and I just have no idea what they expect me to say in response. They want me to care more about the small details of their life than I care about my own. It used to be that I could just stay at home all the time, focusing on my hobbies. The only time I had to leave to the house was for school, but really, how hard is it to sit in a chair and learn something for a few hours a day? It was hardly a social experience for me like it was for everybody else.

I don't really hate anybody, but I find myself very stressed because I just get so easily annoyed around people who aren't like me. I only ever learned how to do two things when it comes to people: 1) Avoid them, 2) Ignore them. But I can't do that as an adult. I have to interact, for long periods of time, no matter what kind of life I choose to live. And it takes every bit of mental energy I can muster. I can't seem to enjoy being alone anymore because I'm trying so hard to be social. The result is I am successfully getting through life but its killing me inside.

I theorize that my pedophilia is partly the result of my desiring relationships which are simpler, with people who don't always want to talk about everything, that just want to have fun and play around sometimes, that have as much social experience as I do: Children.

I don't wish my childhood was any different. There is no point; my childhood is over. I am trying to focus on the present and future.

I was a very content child, but for some reason I am having trouble being a content adult. I have to spend the majority of my time around people I just can't relate to. People try to engage in smalltalk with me and I just have no idea what they expect me to say in response.

Could it be possible you have mild Aspergers?

They never abused me, verbally or physically, which is obviously good. They were understanding, supportive, wise, funny, and reasonable.

Did you feel warmth/love/empathy?
Could it be that your parents or one of them was Aspergers? That would explain why they weren't bothered about a social life because it was not important to them. Was their approach to parenting practical but undemonstrative?