Did I do something wrong??

I have POCD (the irrational feaar of being a paedophile) and over the years have convinced myself of many things that arent true.
But this situation suddenly occured to me as very real, and not just an obsession.
Let's say for a moment I am a non-exclusive paedophile, attracted somewhat to young girls. A few years ago, my then 5 year old sister was sitting on my lap playing games on the computer. I started having 'groinal response' and anxiety (or possibly an uncomfortable arousal). I was also having unwanted intrusive thoughts. My mind then kept daring me to let go and enjoy these feelings for a second, as if it was pushing me into something I didnt want to do. And for a second, I 'let go' and relaxed, 'enjoying' the feeling of arousal. All the while I was very very anxious.
Does this qualify as molestation/inappropriate behaviour with a child? Obviously she wasn't harmed, this was all going on in my head and thank god she didnt know. But I feel I did something terrible.
If it was just OCD then I could understand, but if I do have paedophilic tendencies then it changes how I look at it if you know what I mean.
Please help

No, as long as you didn't touch her inappropriately you did nothing wrong.
It's ok and normal to fantasize about someone and get aroused, but this occurs in our minds and it's not molestation. You get what I mean?

Yeah I get that. Thanks. I guess Im panicking because I was in actual contact with her and allowed myself to feel the arousal. At the end of the day Im pretty sure it was OCD anyway as Im not attracted to minors in general, only adults.

anyone else?

you're fine as long as you don't act. Thoughts aren't a crime.

I don't agree that thinking and fantasizing about things, don't have any affect on our actions. It is just a matter of time. To the psyche those thoughts and images are real. That is why hypnotherapy and visualization therapy are so effective. You are using images to train the brain into certain behaviors.

That is why porn does so much damage. They are unrealistic images, reinforced by chemical sexual gratification, and can produce an addiction worse than horoine, and a desensitization of the conscience.

Michelleinmichigan - do you know anything about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? People with OCD are statistically proven to be the least likely to act on intrusive thoughts. In fact, it is more likely that the general population would than an OCD'er.

You're OCD rummaging. Stop it. Nothing we say will help you. You'll either keep obsessing over this particular incident, or find a new one to obsess over. You need to get to a place where you're calm, or talk to a psychologist, or consider prescription anxiety medications.

Elfie, I'd say a big factor in OCD folks being the least likely to act on intrusive thoughts is that their intrusive thoughts are down to obsessing about the fear of being a paedophile or whatever, rather than an actual inclination. You don't seem too sure to me if that's the case with you, if you'll forgive me for saying so.

I can't say from what you've posted here if an OCD is what you've got, but Michelle is right on this when she compares this type of gratification to the addictive effects of porn. Hopefully what happened with your little sister was an isolated one off, because it could lead to a dangerous slippery slope.

Please take that in the right way. I'm talking mainly about your admission that you 'let go' and allowed yourself to enjoy the arousal. The situation itself could have happened to anyone.

There's been times when I've felt involuntary arousal with children, and even animals moving about on my lap. I think it's far from an unusual thing. I've never dwelt on it though, or let it worry me that I might be this or that way inclined.

elfie24 wrote:Michelleinmichigan - do you know anything about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? People with OCD are statistically proven to be the least likely to act on intrusive thoughts. In fact, it is more likely that the general population would than an OCD'er.

The difference between an OC thought, and willfully dedicating hours in the day to fantasy, is the pleasure associated with it. An OC intrusive thought is generally not pleasurable. I wasn't responding to OP, I was resoonding to another poster that said people can think about things all they want, without having an effect on their actions. That isn't completely true.

In terms of OP, agree with poster who said, "find something else to obsess about". Ideally something positive like excercise, learning about something interesting etc. Stay busy and productive. I have a friend with OCD, and he is very successfull because he is able to focus his thoughts on business, hobbies, etc. He is very disciplined, and doesn't take meds.

He 's a pain in the ass, but I adore him, he's brilliant. For him OCD is a positive quality.