I found out I am an exclusive pedophile....I am scared

Many times here I said I felt "pretty much exclusive", "almost completely exclusive". Just no.
I am totally exclusive. I confirmed it to myself tonight, after going out with my friends. I stayed at home without hanging out with people the entire summer. Now I'm somewhat "back to the scene" and my friends wonder what's going on. They ask me things like what's going on with you? Why do you avoid people why do you avoid being outside, why are you so mysterious about yourself?
I told them I am having problems with myself, but never told them anything that could make them think of me being a pedophile/hebephile. I just can't. I can't be open about it, it's not like saying that you're gay and still good friends would accept you, or even find it completely natural. I am a pedophile, period. What makes it all worse is being exclusive. I can't even fake an interest in girls my age. My friend constantly tells me to come with her to discos and stuff to find a girl or a guy or whoever I want just to f*ck because I am an adult and, unlike my friends, never had a partner.
I keep telling her I am not interested in a relationship. They say well you could just have sex and nothing more, just to experience something, and again I say I am not interested. They look at each other in a kind of weird way, like..."you dont want a love affair, you dont want sex with anyone..why?". Fortunately they either think I'm just asexual, or that I am just very focused on other things like studying, going to college and do my best to find a good job one day (which is true though).
But no I am not asexual! This is the message I am trying to send though...being an exclusive pedophile I cannot hide myself behind adult love/sex.
So what excuse am I making up? "I am just asexual, or simply I am not interested in this sphere of my life".
The truth is that I am an exclusive pedo and now I am totally sure.

When I was downtown there were lots of preteen girls and I checked them out all the time, some look back at me and some just dont see me. I completely ignored girls 15+. 15 is actually still too old. I only look at girls 11-12-13 or younger like 9, 10....there's no way I look at a girl who could be older than 14 years old.
I've been knowing this for one year, but I thought it was something that could just be ignored, something to put and keep there hidden in the corner of my mind. But no. It is something that is at the center of my life and now it's getting evident to me. It's not something at the corner of the room, it is at the center of that room. It is the entire room.
I can consider a 15+ attractive, but I would not do anything, really.
I wasnt like that but I was obviously repressing myself or I just didnt know about it.
Obviously, it's not that I like "all little girls"...I have my own tastes and all, just like a regular adult has with adults.

The point is: how long can I hide this? And how can I deal with being exclusive? How can I repress all my sexual urges for the entire life just because the object of my attraction simply cannot consent?
How could a 10 or 12 year old girl want to even just kiss me?
Although I spotted a little girl staring at me in a kind of interesting way, I simply cannot do it. A 20 year old adult cannot just approach an 11 year old girl in a physical way.

How can I f***ing deal with all of this??

Hi! Don’t worry about being exclusive pedophile and not having sex with adults. There are a lot ‘of people who don’t’ have sex. Personally I ‘am exclusive fetishist (transvestite), I like women, enjoy women’s clothes, but I hate the act of intercourse, even female genitalia disgust me. And I find useful to identify myself as asexual, because what’s difference between “ideal “ asexual, who who doesn't have libido, and exclusive fetishist as me, if result the same – lack interest in sex. Accept yourself, because you are child of nature, as every human being is, and no matter like you sex or not, pedophile you or not.

How can I repress all my sexual urges for the entire life just because the object of my attraction simply cannot consent?

There is no known way to turn paedophile into non-paedophile. And there is no known and safe way to suppress sexual urges. But you can avoid depression. When people are depressed all instinctual urges become more prominent, and when they are not depressed, when they feel of well-being, cortical regions (frontal lobes) of the brain can easy suppress instinctual urges generated by sub cortical structures. Main purpose for paedophiles, if they want have not strong, moderate sexual urges, is avoiding stressor factors.

Dude, this scares me. You are officially an exclusive, LGS are your world, romantically and sexually.You're a potential danger, and threat to society, as pedophiles like me are, but exclusive means there's nothing normal to distract you sexually. DONT HIDE IT!Tell your therapist or family member asap.If you weren't near children or didn't their phone numbers/information, I wouldn't really care. But,
you are different from my situation. Therapist?counselor/family is needed to talk about these urges and deal with them constructively.

I am exclusive as well and it can be very scarey dealing with the everyday emotions of being this way. Though you can be totally unlike me by not acting on your desires by talking other people here about how you feel and vent that way. I was weak and acted upon my desires and once I started I felt like it was impossible for me to stop, yet after serving 10 years in prison and realizing the affects it has on my victims and everyone else tied to that I have realized that its very damaging to everyone involved.

Avoid children at all costs and if you need someone to talk to feel free to send me a message and I can help you through. I am still an exclusive pedophile and yet I know now that I MUST stay away from children no matter what and I do that. Its going to be a hard road ahead of you and if you feel like you are going to slip and do something stupid turn yourself into the police department and tell them what you are feeling and they will get you help.

That is just my two cents!

Kirill...it is extremely true, thanks for the great tips.
CoolCreepyGuy...your way of jumping to conclusions is annoying, really. I guess you have fun doing that to me. I am actually a very respected person and helpful to everyone who gets to know me, both children and adults...I'm no threat or monster.
HowardCL thanks a lot for the support. Fortunately I dont get to stay around girls of the age group I am attracted to, so I never find myself in situations where I can stay with them. When I'll have to be around a young girl I surely won't be alone with her, and I would never touch a girl inappropriately let alone when other people are around us....
The fact that I cant see the girl I love very often hurts inside. Well, now she came back to my town which is her hometown too and goes to middle school here, but I resist the urge to go there standing in front of the school door waiting to see her, cause it could be seen as suspicious (I live in a small town where everybody knows everybody and people just love gossip). But I'd never do anything bad to her, just thinking about it disgusts me and makes me cry...I love her way too much! The only thing I would like to do is give her a big hug and tell her that she can count on me forever. Unfortunately she only knows me because I'm the best friend of a girl she knows well as their families are very close.
I am not a predator and I have a lot of self-control, so I dont fear being around young girls.