UnluckyPaladin wrote:Your post about pedos reinforcing each others opinions and that making them more likely to justify and do something made sense to me. I need to watch out for that.
I think it's something we should all try to be mindful of. Are we helping or harming each other? It happens in the other forums too, such as the PD forums. Are we validating people's distorted views or helping them to challenge their distorted views?
I think it would be interesting to hear what professional therapists have to say about this topic. On one hand, peer support forums work because people feel a sense of kinship or camaraderie. We can open up about issues and know that there are similar-minded people who may agree with us. But if we only hear from people who agree with us, then we may never grow. We may become entrenched in our thoughts or behaviours. So the challenge is to find the balance - where we can offer support but also encourage growth. I don't know how to do that though.
UnluckyPaladin wrote:Is that why you talk to us pedos? To try to get us to think healthier thoughts about kids? Does it disgust you at all, talking to people like us?
My own interest is a bit complicated. I'm a little bit odd, so I tend to gravitate towards misfits and outcasts. And I really hate discrimination, including discrimination based on sexuality. I also hate vigilantes and those who judge without first trying to understand. And I'm a bit kinky/perverted in my own way, or at least quite openminded about sex.
I find it distressing that some paedophiles feel they have nobody to talk with about their sexuality for fear of being labelled a sex offender. I feel a lot of guilt and shame, but have never felt that way about my sexuality. I guess I was lucky to grow up feeling that I was able to express myself sexually. So I find it upsetting that others do not have the same freedom.
And yes, I am concerned about paedophiles who try to justify their attractions. I once had a partner who was not a paedophile (as far as I know) but was into BDSM, and his need to justify his attraction to dominance and sadism was obsessive to the point of being harmful. He came up with all these sorts of bizarre theories to prove that BDSM was the truest expression of love. At first I listened to him and supported him in his beliefs, but he never got better, he never 'got over it'. He was always trying to justify himself. And there are all these websites where people who are into BDSM espouse the same views. They proclaim themselves to be greater and more in love than those naive vanilla folk. So they encourage each other's distorted views.
I began to wish my boyfriend would just cut the bullsh*t and admit that he got turned on by BDSM. Why do people complicate things? We're just animals. Some things make us horny. It's a basic instinctive response. It's not as if our brains engage in some complex debate to determine what is good or superior and only then flick the arousal switch. At least for me, I get aroused by some things so quickly that there's no chance I've had time to weigh things up and have a debate in my mind. For me it is simply instinctive.
So I'd rather talk honestly about instincts and cut out all the talk about laws and social values. Sure there are stupid laws and stupid people, but that's never going to change. Let's just try to better ourselves. Recognising our instincts and learning to manage them to best support ourselves (and want we want from life) seems like a worthy goal imho.
Oh and I definitely don't get disgusted by people, not here or anywhere else. And I don't presume that I'm any better than paedophiles; I think I'm just less maligned. I suppose in that sense I have sympathy for paedophiles and people with other controversial paraphilias.
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