I'm identifying as "pedo-curious" from now on.

Some things take a tremendous about of soul-searching, thinking things through, and exploration to really understand. Your own sexuality can be one of those things. I really think I'm getting this a bit more pinned down than I ever have before. I'm even planning on internally labeling myself differently after some personally ground-breaking insights into myself, my thoughts, and my behavior over the years regarding pedophilia.

Okay. Please hear me out before you flame me, alright? I'm a guy who likes to investigate controversial stuff. Like the paranormal, sexualities, religions, conspiracies, race, fringe politics, and others.

If I have to have a label, "pedo-curious" is the one for me (like people who didn't fit existing labels made "bi-curious). Well, I'm in the same situation. I think we need to make a new term "pedo-curious" for me and other people like me (I've seen others similar enough that it would probably fit them, too). People who fall somewhere between "full" pedophilia, and POCD. I've seen especially a lot of women with these type of category defying interests involving pedophilia.

Pedophilia is one thing among much other controversial reading that caught my interest more than most others several years ago, and I have ended up coming to pedophile forums (and some other types of forums) every once in a while. I will post for a while, then I disappear. I have had issues with women, and decided to try focusing on little girls this time instead of video games (I'm crazy, I've already reserved both XBone and PS4 online) or music (have like a 1500 cd collection) to try to focus on instead of women. It didn't pan out that well, I tried looking at a lot of (legal) pictures of little girls. And found that they are very enjoyable to look at. And I really feel they should be something, like kittens or puppies, that everyone is allowed to enjoy the beauty of, without being made to feel like a weirdo.

That said, they don't give me an erection. I have long enjoyed the look of little girls in real life, so I did think I was likely a pedophile. But little girl pictures, after repeated tests, just don't "arouse" my interest in the way that women do. I have to load up pictures of women, if I want to actually get turned out. I wouldn't say I am a complete non, though. Not by far, I've become somewhat of a pedo-sympathizer. It's almost like I want to make pedophilia safe for myself, unless I really felt like becoming a real one. I was worried I was a real one. And that would sound like POCD, but this interest has persisted long term for me.

And I continue to find little girls aesthetically pleasing to the point of seeking out and enjoying their pictures sometimes. But I don't masturbate to them, or get an erection till I close that and look at some women. I think that means I must not be a "real" pedophile, most likely. A "real" pedophile doesn't need to close little girl pictures, and load pictures of women to get turned on and masturbate, right? I don't think so. I'm pretty sure not. That's why I'm now thinking I'm not a "real" pedophille. But not just POCD, either. My interest seems to be too persistant for that. Especially since I really do enjoy looking at little girls, they are probably the most beautiful creatures on Earth to me.

And I sort of identify with pedophiles, like I do with some other strange and exotic subcultures out there. I'm weird, and they're weird. It's the whole outcast aspect. I feel like an outcast. I feel outside of society, and kind of persecuted, alienated even. And I feel many of these people are, too. For most these things are just a state of being, not a state of bad actions. This is certainly the case for the majority with pedophilia. But all that said, it apparently is not that sexual for me, as I explained. If you got all that, good.

It is for all these reasons that "pedo-curious" is what I will consider myself now. I may not tell anyone, outside of the internet. But I feel it fits better than anything else. It just makes sense.

Glad to hear that you've figured yourself out mate. Some time ago I mighthave said I was the same,but no. As you said, personally I don't need to switch off the little girl pictures to change to women. So I am a proper pedo. Though depending on my mood depends what I'll look for . (adult, jb, teen, etc).

So, glad you figured yourself out.

I totally understand your curiosity about pedophilia and other controversial subjects and groups.

I will admit that at some point I became so fascinated by the transgender and genderqueer cultures that I began to suspect that I might be transgender myself, even though that was not really the case. I almost hoped that I was because it seemed more exciting than just being normal.

It's better when you're completely honest with yourself about who you are. Sometimes you won't know who you are immediately.

There is nothing wrong with you identifying with pedophiles because pedophilia is a part (however small) of who you are, even though you're not a full blown pedophile. Most people would rather suppress every pedophilic curiosity they ever have than embrace this part of their sexuality.